#jemo vent

i need to either cut or burn myself right now. i need it real bad. just to regulate my emotions and dont feel this awful dread.

im genuinely a horrible human being. i dont deserve to be here. what the actual fuck am i doing. shouldve killed myself a year ago.

sometimes it feels like im genuinely faking all these mood swings.

i wish someone would love me the same way i love them.

i want someone to kiss my scars, not with pity, but with pride that im still here. i dont want people to simply sexualize them all the time.

i want someone to hold me, just petting my head while i cry, comforting me just with their presence.

but im painfully aware that im unlovable. im not pretty, not skinny, dont have a charming personality or a good sense of humor. im bad at drawing and theres nothing im good at.

i feel like im starting to loose myself once again. my whole mind reshaping itself to mourn someone, whos not dead. to grieve over the little girl inside me that i had to bury at such a young age.

im so sorry for who i am. i was not made this way, i was already born wrong.

oh, what an awesome day to be hypersexual! /sarc

uhmm.. hes not answering to me. not to my calls, not to my messages. im not sure if i did something to upset him, but im so sorry if i did. i dont know what i did wrong, i really fucking dont.

please. all i want is a hug and attention. is it really that much to ask?

this is a vent account . my posts will have trigger topics in them . also sometimes i may post something freaky . hypersexuality hits hard .

i also have a main account , tho not much goes on there and i dont want my vent acc to be connected to the main one .

my name is kris , but can also use tisha , jemka / jemo / jelemo .

i use she / they .

i have adhd and depression . self diagnosed with bpd and hypersexuality .

i do not want to get better , but i encourage healing .

here are TW ' s for this blog

: // sh , suicide ideation , homicide ideation , sa trauma , cocsa , hypersexuality vents . probably some more , ill be changing the list from time to time .

this blog was created to process and share my emotions with anybody , who may find it helpful or relatable . if youre uncomfortable with ant of the topics listed higher — BLOCK , DONT REPORT .

*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚MORE ABT ME UNDER THE CUT˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

the only thing he needs me for is his sexual pleasure. i just know that. i can feel it in my fucking bones.

i cant discuss it with him. because if thats truly how he feels, he will leave me.

im so sorry. i wasnt doing enough for our relationships and now all im good for is only sex. fair enough. i know how to be a good little people pleaser, it would be a shame to not use that opportunity.

i just wish people had told me when im being used. im fine with it, just dont lie straight to my face about 'loving me' and 'caring about me'. you know yourself that you dont, why even bother?