So, hope you like it! Its a little smutty, so M rated I guess. Let me know what you think! This is my apology to my beautiful pretzels for being so absent. Adulting sucks. Thanks hot momma @gypsyscarfwoman for loving and supporting my craziness. I love u!!! PLAYING BY THE RULES Jane was pouring coffee in her mug when she heard him walk in. She’d learned to identify the distinctiveness of his steps as he approached, so she could get ready. So she could prepare the charade they kept in front of everyone, both in and out of the FBI. She felt her heart beating faster as she lifted her eyes towards him and found him staring straight at her, with none of the pretenses they'd been keeping up for everyone's sake. She reminded herself that it was just sex. Two consenting adults blowing off steam, nothing more than that. No need to get anyone else involved. Or so she kept telling herself. "Morning, boss," she said, as casually as possible. As though it didn't matter that for the better part of two months they had been sleeping together, nor that this morning, for the first time, she had woken up in his arms. "Morning." He sounded different somehow, and Jane knew she’d made a mistake this morning. She’d always made an effort to leave before first light, when he was still asleep, and to stay on her side of the bed. But her guard had been slipping lately,and she was probably going to hear about it now. "Listen." She decided to address the subject before he could."I'm sorry about this morning. I must have been a lot more tired than I thought." Looking away from the intensity of his stare, she picked up her cup again. "It won't happen again." Jane felt more than saw him get closer to her. With his lips barely touching her ear, he just whispered, "It's okay, I’m not sorry," and walked out of the room. To say she was confused was an understatement. She let out the breath she hadn’t even known she was holding and collected her thoughts. She knew he could never possibly forgive her for everything that had happened, and that any feelings he’d had for her were long gone, but the lines had been so blurry lately. They had fallen into a dangerous routine, fighting more often than not about everything from field plans to paperwork and making out like teenagers whenever they found themselves alone. It had started like a lifeline for both of them. Jane recalled that night, sixty-four days ago, as if it were yesterday. She had been trapped at Shepherd's base when the Russian mob had ambushed them. It had been two whole days until she’d been able to get out of there, late at night, knowing that the team must be going crazy. Not because they cared about her; nobody talked to her more than what was strictly necessary, but because the FBI and the NSA had this huge operation going on, and it all rode on her shoulders. She was pretty banged up, cuts and bruises covering her body and probably a broken rib or two, but she knew she needed to report to Kurt asap, even as exhausted and sore as she was. The walk to his house was long and wet. Rain was falling nonstop,and the chill in the air made her aching muscles numb. She had been so scared during the siege. She wasn’t ready to die, not before the people who had done this to her were brought to justice. And so she’d fought to keep the people she so desperately wanted to bring down alive—and save her own ass as well. She hadn't been sure what she would find when she knocked on Kurt's door. Part of her was tempted to walk away and wait until the following day, too tired to handle the inevitable confrontation that would follow, but another part was desperate to prove to him where her loyalties lay. So she knocked again, too tired and cold to move from her spot by his door. When he opened the door, his expression went from worried to relieved to worried again, as she watched him assess her injuries and current state. She had been holding on to the door frame to keep herself from falling, but she looked him straight in the eyes, bracing herself for the lecture she was sure to get. But Kurt didn't say a word. In one step, he was right in front of her,pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her. He held her for a moment, her clothes soaking his. Her body stayed upright thanks to the strength of his hug. "I've got you,"he whispered over her shoulder as he pretty much carried her inside. Once he had her settled on his couch, he had helped her to peel her wet clothes off, wrapped her in a blanket, and then methodically dried and cleaned her wounds, all without a word. When she was securely bandaged, he brought her an old t-shirt of his and some boxer shorts, along with hot coffee. Jane was so grateful and comfortable, she didn't want to move. Not even the fact that Kurt looked upset and uncomfortable and hadn’t said a word to her the whole time she had been therecould make her want to get up. She had missed being around him, and she knew she was shamelessly taking advantage of the situation they were in. The four months since she'd been back had been so hard. The team gave her the silent treatment unless they absolutely needed her input on something. And the man in front of her, now busy with her wet clothes, had hardly looked her way at all. So no, Jane wasn’t in any rush. She was warm and comfy in his clothes, surrounded by his smell, watching him avoid her. Because she knew him well enough to know that was exactly what he was doing. When Kurt had finally stopped pacing and pretending to be busy, he sat on the living room table right in front of her. With his eyes on his hands, gripping his knees, he quietly said, "I can't do this, Jane." He drew a long, deep breath never looking away from his hands, and Jane's heart sank to her feet. Was he sending her away again? Oh, please, no. She really couldn't go back there. Jane would rather die than to go back to that hellhole. The words he uttered next shocked her to the core. "I've just spent two days thinking I lost you again. Thinking that I—" His words stopped then as he looked up at her, finding written in her face all the terror she was feeling at the moment. His eyes glistened with tears and for the first time since her arrest, Jane saw the broken man. As broken as she was. The silence was deafening as they stared at one another, until she found the courage to say the most honest words she could ever say to him, even if they were barely a whisper. Even if he would just hate her forever and have her tortured again. "You’ll never lose me, Kurt, as long as I'm breathing I will fight my way back to you." She would always love him; he had taught her to love after all. Jane was certain her former self had never experienced such a strong bond. No longer able to hold his gaze, Jane looked down at her bandaged wrist. If he only knew the pull he had on her, how confusing it was to have him look at her as he was right then and there, making it impossible for her not to love him. Making it impossible for her to resent him for not looking for her, for not giving her a chance to explain, for giving up on her. Jane was still lost in her thoughts when she felt his lips brush against hers. Her hands flew to the sides of his face to keep him steady, to take as much as she could before he pulled away. Before he regretted his decision. And she kissed him back. She kissed him back with every ounce of strength she had left, with everything she had been keeping locked inside her. With the passion and desperation of a woman who had lost everything and had nothing to fear anymore. His kiss was just as passionate and desperate. Her tongue tangled with his, and Jane heard herself groan with pleasure, felt the answering smile from Kurt against her lips. Jane could feel him shaking as he had reached his left hand to the back of her neck to pull her closer to him, while with his right he carefully held the back of the couch to keep himself from crushing her torso with his body and protect her injuries from any more pain. The change in angle made their kisses deeper and bolder. Kurt's mouth left her lips and carefully traveled down her jaw and her neck, leaving a trail of heat with his open-mouthed kisses and gentle bites that left Jane feeling as though her insides were melting. Gasping for air, she held on for dear life as his mouth traveled from her neck to her shoulder, biting and nibbling, tracing her tattoos with his tongue. She gave a brief thought of thankfulness for her wet clothes and Kurt's oversized shirt at that moment. Her body’s reaction to Kurt's ministrations was even stronger than she had expected. Her eyes drifted closed and she tilted her head back, as her nipples pebbled and wetness pooled between her legs. He had said her name then. Once. Twice. Three times, before a moan escaped her lips of its own accord. She bit her lips and pulled him to kiss him again. Maybe she could regain control without his mouth tracing distracting patterns down her body. What little sanity she had regained was lost when his hands found their way under her—his—shirt, making her moan again. He pulled back then, and without his hands stopping their path up and down her stomach and chest, he uttered, "I want you, Jane." He kissed her again until they ran out of air. "I want you, right now." He had panted in between breaths, while his hands tugged gently at the hem of her shirt. Jane couldn't pinpoint if it was the way he said those words or the tenderness of the kiss that followed them, but she never stood a chance at resisting him. She nodded, and he picked her up in his arms to carry her to his room. He set her down on the comforter with a tenderness that made her want to cry. If only she could have this! If only this was real! But she knew better. It was an illusion of comfort they were finding in each other, nothing else. And as he tenderly kissed her again and she felt tears roll down the sides of her face, Jane promised herself she would take as much as she could, enjoy every second, every inch of him for as long as it lasted. Kurt positioned himself between her legs and pulled off his t-shirt impatiently. She could see the desperation in his eyes, but wherever his hands or mouth made contact with her skin, he was gentle and careful. Jane couldn't tell if it was because of her injuries, or because of her limited experience with intimacy, but against her better judgement, it made her feel special. Important to him. Her fascinated eyes roamed his chest while he looked at her intently, his fingers tracing patterns over her shirt. Jane reached a hand out to touch him but hesitated, afraid of his reaction. She knew he wanted to touch her, to make—have sex—with her, but should she... Her answer came when his hand reached out to hers and guided her hand to his skin. To his chest, over his heart. Had he noticed? Or was she reading too much into it? She felt goosebumps forming as her fingers caressed his skin, and he closed his eyes and gasped. That was all the invitation she needed to ignore the pain in most of her body and reach out for him, touching and scratching gently at every available inch of skin. He never stopped looking at her face. She could feel his hungry eyes on her, even as hers followed the patterns her fingers traced, watching his muscles tense and hearing his breathingfalter. His fingers had slowly pulled the hem of her shirt, making her look up to meet his eyes. He had been asking her permission, despite the fact that she had agreed to come to his room and laydown in his bed, he was still waiting for her okay. She was overcome by her feelings for him, and all but pushed herself up to help him get the offending fabric off her. Once her shirt hit the floor, Kurt held her hands over her head and just looked at her, as his hips pressed between her legs. Jane gasped again, he was so hard and the feeling was so overwhelming and blinding she had to fight her eyes from closing. She wanted to watch him, to memorize his expression and the way the look in his eyes made her feel. "I want to be inside you, Jane." His voice was raspy and low. She was unable to speak, to breathe. "Do you want me inside you, Jane?" She bit her lip and could only nod twice. "I want to hear you say it," he begged more than demanded. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second to gatherher strength. "I want—" her voice faltered as he pushed slowly against her again, smiling a little, his eyes never leaving her face. The look in his eyes was so tender, she all but blurted out, "I want you inside me," before she reached up to kiss him deeply again. He had kissed her back, hard and deep, while he carefully slid her—his—boxers down her legs. Never breaking contact as he did the same with his pants. Breaking apart he had raised on his knees pulling each or her legs around his waist and holding her in place. Slowly, holding her eyes, he pushed inside her making her moan with passion and desire. He kept her there, probably to give them both time to collect themselves, Jane wasn't sure. All she knew was that her heart was pounding wildly, she couldn't catch her breath and the amazing feeling inside her was all but consuming her. After a few seconds, he started to move. Slowly first, then deeper and faster as he felt her answering his every move. It was tender and desperate at the same time, both fighting the urge to break loose, careful of her injuries. He had kissed, caressed, and touched every available surface of skin he could reach without breaking contact, and Jane was positive she had died and gone to heaven. His attitude was so very different from what it had been since she'd been back. Determined not to let her injuries spoil the moment, she gave herself to him, pouring everything she felt for him in every caress, every thrust and kiss. "God, you are beautiful," he whispered, and then her whole universe lit up with every star that existed, making her move frantically and clench around him. Losing control, losing herself in him. Screaming his name. He slumped forward, emptying himself inside her and biting her lips lightly. They were both breathing heavily, searching in the other's gaze for the meaning of what had just happened between them. For forgiveness or maybe just approval, or even the certainty that neither of them regretted it. Minutes of silence went by until he reached his hand to hers, sitting by her head, to lace their fingers together. They both squeezed at the same time and smiled shyly at their gesture. Kurt kissed her lips once more and then her forehead as he pulled himself out and rested on his back right next to her. The silence had stretched out even longer as they both stared blankly at the ceiling. Jane would have given anything to know what he was thinking, to know if he was as confused as she was. Or as terrified. Minutes ticked by before she heard his breathing even out and ventured to look his way to find him completely asleep. She watched him in awe. Freely. He was so beautiful and looked so peaceful and spent that Jane wished she had a phone to save the image somewhere other than her mind, knowing this was probably the last time she would see it. A tear ran down her cheek at that thought, but she immediately dismissed it. Whatever this had meant for them, it had been amazing and she was determined not to ruin the moment. So without a second thought, she climbed out of bed, her body complaining about the total abuse of the last two days, picked up her now less-damp clothes and called a cab. The morning could be a terribly uncomfortable moment so she decided to avoid it. Looking around the house to make sure she had collected all her belongings, she spotted the old t-shirt he had lent her on the floor. Knowing she was doing something wrong, she picked it up and threw it over her shoulder. He might regret this tomorrow, but there was no way she was letting herself forget for even a minute. * * * Kurt woke up with a smile on his face, feeling the warmth of the slim body pressed against him from head to toe. He smelled her hair, burying his face in its mess of curls. Jane's head rested on his chest, her left arm draped across him and her legs tangled with his. It felt so good to have her this close that he just closed his eyes again, willing himself not to move. As much as he wanted to run his fingers up and down her back, he didn't want to wake her. It was the first time she had actually stayed to spend the night, that she had allowed him to pull her close and keep her there with him, against his skin. He wracked his brain to find out what he had done right that day, because in the two months they'd been giving into their long-overdue physical attraction, she had never stayed. He wasn't sure why, and it confused him more than he cared to admit. A part of him thought it might have been because he had never asked her to, given they didn't always have sex at his place, but he kept telling himself that was unnecessary. But the truth was, when he was brave enough to admit it to himself, that he missed her every morning when he tentatively reached out to her side of the bed to touch her and found it empty and cold. Jane's body rubbed against his as she stretched lazily, and Kurt could see the moment she realized where she was when her leg rubbed his hardness. Her eyes immediately turned into huge green plates as she looked at him. It was evident that she never planned to wake up in his bed, and she had no idea what to do. He couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of him. She looked so cute and confused, that he couldn't help himself when he reached out to pull her on top of him, kissing her as he felt her relax and laugh at herself as well. "Sorry, it happens in the mornings," he apologized for his obvious hard on, as he pushed her rebel strands of hair back so he could see her face. If he had thought she was extremely beautiful before, watching her sleepily smiling on top of him was his undoing. She pretended to be offended by his comment, lips drawing down in a sexy pout. "And here I thought you were just happy to see me." That made him laugh again and he pulled her closer. Having her naked against him was definitely making it hard to want to get out of bed and was indeed making him really happy. So he kissed her again, letting his hands tell her just what he was feeling up to. She followed suit and after a few more caresses he was back inside her. Enjoying the feeling of belonging he had only ever experienced with Jane. And just like the times they’d come together the night before, it was perfect. When he held her afterwards, tracing circles on her sweaty back with his fingers, he decided things needed to change. He wanted this. He wanted this every day. "So, can we admit now that it wasn't just the morning?" She smiled playfully as her chin rested on his chest, the sparkle in her eyes brighter than ever. He pretended to think about it for a second, until she hit his arm playfully and attempted to roll off him. Of course, he couldn't let her go, so he secured her in place and tickled her sides a bit. She wouldn't smile to save her life, despite his best attempts. "Oh come on, baby, you know I love-" the size of her eyes stopped him dead in his tracks. What the hell was he about to say? Yeah, things with Jane, intimately, had been better. It didn't feel like they were trying to get each other out of their systems anymore. They were gentler, went slower, hugged and kissed more. Laughed and talked even, but the L-word was a whole different thing. He remembered the time he pushed her inside a storage closet in the FBI, right after one of the worst fights they'd had in front of the whole team. They were both fuming, about whether or not Jane should try to go out with one of her former teammates, to gain access and information. Kurt was not having it, the team was pushing for it, Jane said it could work. It hadn't been one of his stellar moments when he pressed her against the wall, inside her, naked from the waist down and told her, "Do whatever you want. Go get involved with your old friends. After all, this between us? It's just sex." She was distant in bed for a long time after that. She would still meet him and seek him in his car, office or the locker room, but it had taken him a while to get that wall down. Hadn't he just been trying to figure out what he'd done right? Well, whatever that was, he had just fucked it up. They were still in complete silence staring at each other when his cell rang. She tried to roll off him, but he kept her securely in place with his arm. "Listen, Jane..." The phone kept ringing to no avail. "Just answer it." She said, as she reached for it on the night stand. Kurt took it reluctantly. Whatever it was, it could wait, but the flashing of Patterson's name on the screen told him otherwise. He answered it as Jane rolled off him, stood up, and walked out of the room as fast as her feet would carry her. By the time he was done with Patterson and went to talk to her, she was gone. He had showered and headed to the office as fast as he could. Kurt knew he needed to talk to Jane. To fix things, but he had no idea how to do that. A part of him wanted to tell her that he was ready to make their relationship official, he wanted to be able to take her out for dinner or watch a movie and hold her hand. Not just the hidden touches and desperate kisses when no one was watching. He was done with spending the weekends alone, sneaking into her house in the middle of the night to have sex with her. Because it was not all about the sex, though it was mind-blowing amazing, it was about her touches and kisses. About the way she bit her lip when he said something that embarrassed her, or the look in her eyes when she watched him kiss and ravish her body. It was about her laugh when he tickled her or bit the back of her neck. About never having enough of her, not even when he saw her all day every day. About finding a match in every way that mattered. They had come a long way from that stupid "just sex" comment. She had to know that. He was sure she felt it too. They saw each other more often these days, made love multiple times when they had a chance. Because he was sure that's what they were doing now, making love. This morning had been a revelation for him and he really didn't want to mess it up, and that's where the other part of him stood. What if he was confusing what he wanted her to feel with what she really felt? What if she wasn't ready to be with him? To commit? What about the mission and the risks she was taking? Because it had started as a way to make sure she was still alive. With him. Even if she had to sneak into enemy territory, she would come back to him to silence his doubts and fears, and he would pour all the worry and impotence of sitting in an office, not knowing how she was, into her body. Gaining strength from every touch to survive another day. When he found her in the coffee room, Kurt could see how tense she was and though her words threw him off guard, he decided to push it just a little bit and see what happened. "It's okay. I'm not sorry," he had whispered so close to her ear that the temptation of biting it was almost unbearable, but Tasha was heading their way and though leaving her along with Jane wasn't his best move, staying, with things the way they were, was not an option. Tasha had a really strong eye for sexual tension, it was a miracle she hadn't called them on it yet. Kurt had walked away and spent the rest of the day trying to make eye contact with her, which she was blatantly avoiding. Once he was ready to head home, he went down to the gym to look for her. His mind was made up. He wanted to take his shot at a life with her, even if it was going to take some work convincing her. It was barely eight o'clock, and the gym was empty, which was extremely odd. It was her training time, she never missed it. He had not only been on the receiving side of her mean left hook, but had also washed the sweat off her naked body after it. If he had thought he had fucked up that morning and she had been avoiding him before, now he was sure. He headed back to his office to get his things, where he spotted Roman waiting by his door. To say he didn't look happy was an understatement. "Roman," he said, pulling the door open for him. "So, what did you do to her?" The younger man asked as soon as the door closed behind them. So it was about Jane. "Excuse me if I don't answer, but that's none of your business." His answer was calculated and calm. He didn't want to pick a fight with Jane's closest—maybe her only—friend. "She is my business." Roman said harshly. Kurt could see the waves of frustration coming off him. "I told her this was a mistake, but she wouldn't listen." Kurt was a little hurt that Jane had shared their secret, but did his best to hide it. "So she told you about us." It wasn't a question. "Of course she didn't! She denied everything." Roman's voice wasn't friendly at all. Kurt guessed that not telling him had been a mistake, he had been there for Jane even when Kurt himself wasn't. He was helping them against everything he believed in,and they should have trusted him to keep their secret. "But I'll tell you what I told her. I know her, more than she knows herself, apparently. I knew she wouldn’t be able to be with you with no strings attached. She is not A—that woman anymore. Maybe her old self would have gone for it and walkedaway without a second glance, but not now. Not Jane. Not when she's been in love with you since she met you." Kurt felt his heart jump in his chest. Maybe he did have a chance after all. "Roman, it's not what you think... I mean it was," Kurt corrected himself, "but it’s not anymore." "Look I don't want to hear it," Roman insisted. "You are taking advantage of the situation, because you know you can't get hurt." His voice was calmer as he kept going. "But Assistant Director, she can. Because she cares, and from what I saw earlier today she already has." Roman's words made Kurt's whole body ache. Why was she hurt? If any of what Roman was saying true, his slip this morning would have made her happy, not upset. "Roman, I give you my word I will fix it, and even though I know your mind is set when it comes to me, believe me when I tell you I do care about Jane." The younger man was looking at him with suspicion trying to read a lie in his words. "More than she knows." "If you did, you wouldn't treat her like a piece of meat only there for your pleasure, hiding in dark corridors." It was a slap in the face that hurt, but Kurt knew he deserved that. "Don't get me wrong, she seemed happy with your little arrangement, but she is worth so much more and you should know that." As he turnedback to leave the office, his last words cut deeply into Kurt's soul. "If you cared, like you say you do, you would know." Kurt stood there, wondering if Jane felt the same way Roman did. If she thought he didn't respect her or appreciate her. The truth was she had every reason to believe it, even if the last few weeks had been different between them. Not letting more time go by with her feeling any other way than loved and cherished, he took his stuff and headed straight to her house. It was almost ten thirty when he knocked on her door. There was no answer, so he tried calling too but had the same luck. Kurt pulled out the key for her apartment from his pocket. He had used it before a couple of times to sneak in after she was asleep. When he'd missed her so much it had physically hurt, and she couldn't come to the door. She hadn't minded then, he just hoped she didn't mind now. Because now she was avoiding him, and they both knew it. The safe house was quiet and dark. He dropped his jacket on the couch and headed straight to her room where he found her sound asleep with the tv and bedside table light on. Carefully, so as not to wake her, he got rid of his clothes and climbed under the covers beside her. Immediately he was surrounded by her scent. He loved sleeping in her bed, even if when he'd done it she would be gone in the mornings too. There was something about being there in the place where she rested, where she could relax and be herself that was very comforting to him. It felt more intimate being with her here than in any other place, even if he was just lying next to her not even touching. Kurt closed his eyes, letting her steady breathing calm him. But the urge to feel her against him was so strong, he turned to his side and moved to her side, pressing his chest to her back. Jane didn't jump or seem alarmed, she just pulled his arm tightly around her and pushed the rest of her body back towards him so that once again they were touching from head to toe. His nose buried in her hair, her fingers laced with his against her belly. "I'm sorry, I need a minute of sleep before—" "Shh, just sleep, baby," he whispered in her ear, kissing her softly. "Tonight let’s just sleep." He couldn't tell if she was too sleepy to complain or even register what he'd just said, but yawning, she nodded her head and squeezed his hand tight. A smile on his face, he decided to push his luck one more time. "And Jane, stay with me. I don't want to wake up alone." "Promise," she whispered sleepily as she moved just enough to be able to kiss his cheek. Once back against him she closed her eyes and feeling more hopeful than ever before, he did too.

So with all the expectation with the new characters and the theories, I decided to write this little fic. I wanna keep going but it will depend on you guys and if you like it of course I don't wanna torture anyone! I was definitely inspired by the #bshiatusproject trying to come out with something to write, but I dunno if it's against the rules to tag it as such if it's not one of the subjects they gave us. I love my pretzels and hope they forgive the angst. Let me know what you think! Thanks for read proofing me momma @gypsyscarfwoman love you to pieces! YOUR TRUTH WILL SET ME FREE "It's too risky," Roman said, staring straight into Kurt’s eyes. "The chances of success are too little. She shouldn't do it." "From what I understand, she's more than qualified for the job." Kurt's words were sarcastic and he knew it, but he wasn’t willing to let this guy tell him what to do. "She can lie her way anywhere. Believe me, we all know that." "Are you trying to get her killed?" Roman was yelling now. Kurt wanted nothing more than to punch the guy square in the nose. "Is that it?!" "Roman that's enough," Jane whispered next to him, barely audible. "No, it's not enough. You’re willing to risk your life for these people, after everything they did to you?" The guy was pissed. "It's—" Jane's words were interrupted by Kurt. That was rich coming from them. What they did? What the hell was this guy talking about? "It's the job, and she has to do it!" He was outraged. "If she can't, she can go back to a cell for all I care." "So you weren’t happy with torturing her in the worst possible ways for three months? You still wanna risk her life!" Roman yelled back. "You people are—" "What is he talking about?" Zapata interrupted, searching around the room for an answer. "Nothing," Jane stated. "What—" Roman was stopped by Jane's death stare. "I'm doing it, and there's all there is to it. Just drop it, okay?" She gently touched her friends arm and left the room without another word. Kurt couldn't take the interaction between them. He was seeing red, and before he thought better of it, he let his feelings get the best of him. "So was getting to sleep with her also part of your training? Or was that part just for fun." Before anybody knew what was going on, Roman had Kurt against the wall. The pressure of the guy's elbow against his neck brought Kurt back to reality. “Don't talk about her like that," Roman hissed as he was being pulled away by Reade. "You don't even know her!" Realizing his mistake, Kurt signaled Reade to let the guy go. For three months, he had done his best to convince everybody, especially himself, that he didn't care about Jane anymore. That he hated her. She had lied, gotten Mayfair killed, played him, escaped from custody... but the truth was he couldn't even look at her or talk about her without his heart skipping a beat. He had accepted the deal to work with Jane, had accepted having Roman's help, as he was the only one who actually remembered working for Shepherd. Now he had to deal with their friendship or whatever they had between them. And not let his personal feelings get in the middle of it. "You are right, I don't," Kurt said as an apology. "Let's take a minute, and we can rethink the plan." "Thank you, Agent Weller," Roman said and walked out the door, no doubt searching for Jane. It was all so complicated and hard to digest. Kurt looked back at the team. They were all looking at him expectantly. "What do we do now?" Reade asked. Walking back to table, he sat next to Patterson. "It is a risky plan." Kurt finally said after a long silence, "Maybe he is right, and we are pushing her too far." "Boss, she's the one pushing herself too far," Zapata volunteered. "It's like since she came back, she has a death wish." "Or something to prove." Patterson's sad words, that were more to herself than to the rest of the team, confirmed to Kurt one more time that she was not okay with the whole Jane situation still. When she looked up at Kurt, her eyes were sad and disappointed. "What was that about torture?" "Patterson, no one was tortured—" Kurt tried to calm her down, though he had questions himself. "But Roman said—" "It's probably another tale to distract us," Reade interrupted her this time. "I really hope so," Patterson said, as she searched for Jane and Roman in the surveillance cameras. It wasn't right to eavesdrop on their conversation, Kurt knew, but making sure she was not fooling them again was part of his job. So every time Jane wandered around the Bureau they kept tabs on her, even if he felt very guilty about it. So much for trying to trust her. "They are in the emergency exit stairs. Do you want sound?" Patterson asked him intently. Too ashamed to actually say the words, he just gave a quick nod, his eyes never leaving Patterson's screen. It wasn't the first time they’d done this, but since she’d come back, it was the first time she’d had a conversation with someone who was on her side and obviously cared about her. Kurt felt like he was violating her privacy, but he had a job to do. Or so he kept telling himself. "I'm sorry about leaving you alone in there." Jane's words came through the speakers as the team gathered around in silence. "I just couldn't take it anymore. We’d been there for hours." She sounded sad and defeated. Now that he thought about it, Kurt barely heard her voice anymore. She kept to herself most of the time, which probably had to do in part with the team's attitude towards her; nobody wanted her there, and they weren't afraid to show it. The only times she talked were short, one-word answers to acknowledge orders or little inputs during planning. "I'm sorry too," Roman said as he took a sit next to her on the step, "about losing my shit and all." "It's okay." Kurt flinched as he saw Jane rest her head on Roman's shoulder. "You were just looking out for me." Pushing back she looked at her friend. "Nobody’s done that for a while, maybe not ever." Kurt felt like he had been physically punched in the stomach. How could she say that? "As long as I can remember, people have just cared about the information on my body. As much as I wanted to deny it, I've only ever been a case." Kurt couldn't help to go back to that day in the locker room. 'You were never just a case to me.' The words rang in his head. "Even to Oscar, it was all about the mission. Not me." "Please don't say that." Roman pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, and jealousy hit Kurt like a ton of bricks. If only he could do that again. "You just don't remember right now, but you've always been cared about. I promise." "If you say so." She smiled sadly, and Kurt had to tear his eyes from the screen, hating himself for feeling sorry for her. She was not the victim here. "These people certainly don't help. I can't stand them, any of them." All the backs in the room straightened at Roman's confession, even if it wasn't much of a confession. They’d all sensed his animosity from the moment he’d arrived. "They are good people, Roman." Jane stared at her hands for a moment before continuing. "They’re not like us. Their sense of righteousness and honesty are amazing. If we want to catch these guys, the team is the best way to do it." Taking a deep breath, she continued, "They are loyal to the bone, and they won't rest until Mayfair is avenged and justice is done." "Loyal? Justice?" Roman raised his voice. "How can you say that? These are the people who left you in a black hole to get tortured for months! Have you shown them the cuts, the bruises you still have from all the internal bleeding you had? The burns? Have any of them heard you scream at night?" Kurt heard Patterson gasp. Jane’s story was starting to sound more and more like the truth. Could Roman have actually been telling the truth? How could Jane have been tortured without them even knowing? When? And by whom? Questions clouded his thoughts until Jane's words carried over the speakers again. "I'm sure they think I deserved it." Her words were like a bomb to the team, Kurt could actually see the impact they were having. Zapata even pulled away to stand by the door. The idea of any of them condoning torture was too much. "Maybe I do too." "No, you didn't!" Roman stood up and began to pace. "I betrayed them," Jane said quietly. "But you didn't mean to. You were betrayed yourself." Roman sat beside her again as he spoke. "Since the day I met you, you've been a kind and loyal person." "But the mission and Shepherd—" by now Jane's head was resting on her knees. She looked helpless, reminding Kurt of the day he had met her. The lost look in her eyes still haunted him at night. The silence in the conference room was deafening. His team was listening to every word more carefully than Kurt had ever thought they would. "They broke us," Roman finally said. "If you could only remember all the terrible things they did to us you’d understand." He patted her back gently, and Kurt believed for the first time that maybe those two people really had gone to hell and back. "But you've always been a good person. That little girl who watched her parents murdered and was taken to the darkest place on Earth would give up part of her food to the smaller kids and defend them from the guards’ beatings." Jane looked at her friend, and Kurt knew she was learning her story for the first time, just as they were. "You see, even when they hurt you, and we were all terrorized, you were still kind and brave." Roman stood up then and reach a hand out to Jane. "Don't judge yourself so quickly, you don't know the whole story. Just parts of it." Jane held on to him then. "The fact that you are still here willing to trust these people is beyond me. But you decided to be Jane, you chose to follow your gut, and I will follow you. Not only because you are the only family I've got, but because I trust you." "It's so good to hear someone does." Jane smiled weakly. "You should trust yourself too. I know you love that Weller guy. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have followed Oscar's orders so blindly when he threatened Weller’s life." Kurt felt like throwing up at that revelation, he was physically sick to his stomach. "But he doesn't deserve that love. Not after what he did. And you know this." Jane pulled back then, with a slight nod. "Now let's go figure this out so we can get it over with and start over, okay?" "Yeah, let's go," Jane said, walking to the door. For a few seconds, they were all speechless. Patterson had tears in her eyes, and Zapata looked like she’d been hit by a truck. Kurt could only imagine what he looked like. It was all hard to process, way more than they’d ever thought. They needed to get their heads together and rethink things before they could continue. Reade was the first to speak, probably reading the hunted look in Kurt’s eyes. "I think we need to put this mission on hold, sir. If not for what we just heard, then because the plan is too risky. She might not be ready for it." They all knew too well what he was implying. Being tortured did things to a person's core, to their essence, and a mission like the one they were planning demanded too much and had too much at stake. Kurt didn't say a thing. He was fighting an internal battle with himself, with everything he had just learned and everything he had been working so hard to achieve for the last few months. He wanted to feel bad for Jane, for everything she had endured growing up, for all the scars and demons that were hunting her now as she learned the truth. But he couldn't afford to do that. Maybe they'd forced her to be a liar her whole life, maybe they'd brainwashed her to accept this so-called mission, but the truth remained: She had betrayed him, played him, and used his every weakness against him. People were dead because of her. Mayfair was dead because of her. The loud bang of Patterson's laptop as she closed it pulled him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Jane, as determined as before, pushing through the glass doors with her new sidekick by her side. He felt the urge to hit something again until he accidentally looked her in the eye. She was so broken and thin, so pale. Her eyes looked sad and distant. She really believed they had let someone torture her. How could she honestly think that? Didn't she know them at all? She held his gaze defiantly. She might be broken, but she wasn't weak, and Kurt got the message loud and clear. A feeling of frustration invading him. How could she be so arrogant? This woman totally infuriated him. He wanted to kick her ass back to jail and kiss her senseless at the same time. Now that he thought about it, it was himself he was mad at. For being the weak one. For wanting her still. Mad as he was, at Jane, the world, but especially at himself, he pushed with his words just as she had with her eyes. "So, we were discussing the situation, Jane," saying her name made his lungs hurt, "and if you think this is too much, we'll rework the case so you’re not under so much pressure. So if you wanna quit, just say the word." His team was looking at him dumbfounded. This wasn’t what Reade had just proposed. This wasn’t the best move given the situation. He could feel their eyes on him, but he didn't falter, he couldn't. Not for her. Not again. He had a job to do, and yeah, it was probably going to be hard for Jane, but she could get it done. "No, sir. I will get it done," Jane answered, her voice so detached of feeling he almost flinched. She was as stubborn as he was, that was for sure. He was giving her an out, even if deep inside he knew that it hadn't been the best choice of words to do it, and she was too proud to take it. "Well then, we'll start preparing tomorrow morning," Kurt continued, his eyes glued to the determination in hers. "Good job everyone." And as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jane was out of there. And he started missing her all over again. As soon as Jane and Roman left, Zapata came back to the table more angry than Kurt had seen her in ages. "What the hell was that all about?" "What do you mean, Zapata?" Kurt averted his gaze while putting his paperwork together. He knew exactly what she meant. He was their superior, but they were still a team, and he had blatantly ignored their opinions. "We said we were gonna put it off for now and—" she was interrupted by Kurt's firm words. "No. Reade shared his thoughts on the matter, but we didn't agree on anything." He knew he was twisting what had happened, but he couldn't deal with any of this right now. "I gave her an out and she didn't take it. You heard her, she wants to get this over with." Turning to the door, he finished, "Let's just do that." He was walking out the door, when he heard Zapata's last words. "That wasn't an out. You pretty much dared her." He kept walking. Just taking one step after the next, fighting the urge to yell at everyone. For anything and everything. He was losing it, and he just needed desperately to be out of there. The steps catching up to him belonged to Reade. At least it wasn't one of the girls wanting to bite his head off. "Hey, Kurt, wait up." He stopped at his friend's request though every fiber in him rebelled. It was the least he could do after what had happened in there. "Man, what are you doing?" Reade's words were careful, Kurt could see his subordinate, his friend, tiptoeing around him. "Didn't you just hear what happened in there?" Was he kidding? Kurt was dying inside, but he couldn't falter. "This woman has been tortured since childhood. She saw her parents murdered, for Christ sake! Are you really so mad at her still that you can't see beyond your own hate?" "I don't hate her, Reade," Kurt answered carefully. "Well you could have fooled me." Reade thought for a minute and continued, "And Patterson and Tasha. We've spent the last month since Jane's been back making sure you know she is coming out on the field with us. You don't even acknowledge her presence." Reade was definitely not making Kurt's day better. "Do you know she took a bullet for Zapata last week?" Kurt just nodded. "Or that she jumped out of a second story balcony to get a guy who had his gun trained at me?" A nod again. "She did all this even believing we had her tortured. For three fucking months, man." Kurt just stared at Reade fuming. Yes, he knew all this. Yeah, he was thankful for it, but what if it was a trick again? Just one more manipulation to get back in their good graces. It seemed to be working for her. "So you’re on her side now?" The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. He sounded petty, and the truth was he didn't want an answer. "It's not about that. We are just looking at the evidence. We want things to work, we want justice and to solve this case once and for all, for everyone's sake." Just when Kurt thought that was the end of it, Reade kept going. "Did you allow her to be tortured?" The question hung in the air between them for a few seconds. Kurt could see his friend's hesitation, but felt deeply offended by his doubts. "How could you even think that, Edgar?" Kurt tried to find the right words not to lose it completely against Reade. After all, he could understand why he thought that. They had all noticed how Jane's betrayal and consumed him. "No, I didn't even know where they took her. I guess I was just so done with her that I didn't care. Now I know I should have." Reade looked extremely relieved after that. "We all should have." He looked back at the office were the girls were. "We should have given her the benefit of the doubt. I know what it is to have someone threaten the people you love, and it blinds you, man." "Yeah it does," Kurt answered, lost in thought, hearing again how loud and clear Roman had called Jane on her feelings for him. Was it true? Was he being played again? He needed to sleep. "Good night. I promise we will find out what happened to Jane during those three months and who's to blame." With that, he kept walking to his office, knowing sleep probably wasn't going to come tonight.