G-squared: The genin exam
Hello!" Steven cheered at the five in front of him. Connie, Daniel, Patricia, Peedee, and Jeff sat in a wilderness-like area created by the C.A.R ( Customizable Alternative Reality) orb.
"This magitech is amazing," Jeff started, amazed,
"It is a portable gem room..along with other things," Connie declared proudly before turning to Steven," Nice hat and robes, Mister."
"Thank you," Steven smirked, giving a small puff of his pipe, blowing a bubble.
"Yeah, you are looking kind of important there, Steve," Danny smirked.
"That's because I am the Kage of the village hidden in the Diamond! Hidden in the land of gems; The DaiyamondoKage."
"Oh my God, we're doing Boruto!" Tricia exclaimed
"That or Boruto's dad Shippuden." Peedee quipped. "So, which number are you?"
"The fifth, all nepotism." Steven nodded coolly.
"So you're the one percent!" Jeff pointed, "time to pull a coup."
That got a laugh out of everyone before Steven spoke again.
"So, you guys are-"
"Anbu, black ops." Connie interrupted with a smile.
"Freshly made child-labor…." Steven counted, "also known as Genin...You're about 12-13 in this."
"13…" Jeff answered, "That Anbu age in the leaf."
"This isn't the leaf village. ANBU: Crystal gems gotta be at least 15 here."
"Where our headbands?" Danny inquired.
"They ain't made yet." Steven shrugged," anywho, you guys are team 265.2"
"Wait, what? How many people graduated this year?!" Jeff screamed," and why is there a point two?"
"Enough, and you and Peedee are the point two."
"What the hell?"
"Stop pausing the scenario!" Steven ordered.
"Ok, so what are we going to do here, Daikage?" Connie chuckled.
"Right. You five are gonna be tasked with meeting your sensei at the entrance of the wilderness of the lost."
"Wait?" Trica exclaimed.
"What?" Peedee added.
"Guessing we are currently in the wilderness of the lost?" Connie joked.
"As expected from the heiress of the Maheswaran family, carrier of the Maheswarigan."
"Hell yeah! Kekkei Genkai!" Connie raised her gust with a laugh, "So what do my eyes do?!"
"Now, what makes you think it's an eye Jutsu?"
"Sharingan, Rinnegan, Tenseigan, Byakugan…"
"Her sight is 'gan,' all 'gan!'" Tricia yelled in jest as she and Connie laughed.
"W-what the fuck?" Peedee laughed.
"Calm down; all will be revealed In time.." Steven smiled, "So as we stated, we have Connie Maheswaran of the Maheswarigan. Next, puppet user Jeff of the sand."
"Ey! Puppet master on deck!" Jeff cheered, "What my puppet looks like, Dai-kage?!"
Steven grinned, tossing Jeff a doll.
"OH, Screw you, Universe." Peedee kissed his teeth, holding back a laugh, looking at the Frybo plush in Jeff's hand.
"Horrifying power!" Jeff roared out, chuckling.
"Speaking of Peedee, we have Peedee Frymichi."
"FRYMICHI!?" Peedee shook his head, "let me guess, soldier pills?"
"Soldier fries, but you also have body temperature Jutsu, which allows you to increase or decrease your body temperature to superhuman degrees."
"I…" Peedee shrugged. "I have no retort; that's actually pretty cool."
"See... Next, we have Patricia of the sound."
"So we have both a sound and sand on the same team. Where do you get these kids from?" Danny laughed.
"You don't need to know what a Kage does." Steven retorted, "above your pay grade."
"Daikage, what can I do?" Patricia inquired with a smirk. "What, my Jutsu?"
"You play the triangle."
"A~and?"
"Umm." Steven shrugged, " I don't know. I leave it to you."
"Oh, that bull." The bespectacled woman turned her lips, "Everyone else got an explanation of their special Jutsu, and all I get is ' triangle. '"
"Still don't know what my eyes can do," Connie muttered.
"You have a bloodline limit! You don't get to complain."
"I gave you free rein to make your own ability, be happy." Steven countered, "last we have D of the Cloud."
"Is anybody literally from this village!?." Danny questioned.
"Not a single one of you, anywho..." Steven answered smugly, "You guys make up Team 265.2."
"265.2!?" Connie laughed.
"The further this scenario goes, the more questions it raises." Jeff exclaimed, "Why is the number so high, and why isn't a full number?"
"...You guys are tasked," Steven started ignoring the question, getting howls and laughter of opposition from the group, "Your kage is talking!"
"I was stolen from my village. I refute your leadership!" Jeff yelled.
"Never asked to be a ninja; I wanted to be a fry cook." Peedee wailed, "my parents wanted me to be a nin!"
"I got a triangle. Diii~iing!" Tricia taunted.
"I was told this was a student exchange program," Danny complained.
"I was told money was involved." Connie started, "plus tragic anime backstory shit."
"I will send you all back to the academy!" Steven challenged.
"Go ahead, do it!" Peedee challenged, starting a chorus of disobedience from the rest towards Steven, who rubbed his head to keep from laughing.
"All right, Alright, Steven...Daikage-Sama." Connie batted her eyes in flirtatious teasing, "how does this work?"
"See, at least one of you is grateful."
"I'm happy to be out of the dungeon."
The rest looked at her, a bit horrified.
"I am going for tragic anime character; stop judging me."
“I...Don’t have a dungeon.” Steven stated, chuckling, “But that is neither here nor there. Now ninjas need to be both smart and strong. The lost shall test that, for you are tasked with getting out of the wilderness and back to the village within nine hours or turns. Actions also cost hours, as do hints... If you fail, you will not be recognized as ninjas and…." He let it hang.
"What?"
"You'll find out…."
"Ohhh!..I'm not too fond of that...I don't like that at all." Jeff snorted while chuckling.
"Just don't fail. Hehe. Now to begin, you guys need to make a decision. North. south, east, or west.”
“Where do each lead?” Danny inquired.
“Where indeed?”
“We’re going west,” Connie stated.
“Hold on, why do you get to make the decision?”
“Because I'm from this place, Cloudie.”
“I say we go north,” Patricia stated.
“Naw, let’s go south.” Jeff challenged.
“My nose says we go east..” Peedee offered,” Where’s there’s food, there are people.”
“Frybo and I say south.”
“My Maheswarigan is showing me the way, and it’s west.”
“My triangle rings to the northern border.”
Steven just laughed at their arguing.
“It doesn't matter, does it?” Daniel scratched his chin, looking at Steven, who just shrugged,
"Choose wrong, and you waste an hour."
''...We're going north."
"That two for north, two for the south."
"Two for sou~? YOU'RE COUNTING THE PUPPET VOTE!?" Peedee yelled.
"Hey, Frybo is a part of the 265.2." Jeffed defended the doll
"Frybo is a puppet from hell, deserving to be cast into the deepest fryer in the nine hells!" Peedee pointed. "I'm saying north just out of spite."
Steven stood looking at Connie to see if she changed her vote. "Well...You go north, moving deeper into the Lost ." Steven announced as the area scene shifted and darkened.
"See!? We should have gone south! Now we lost an hour." Jeff yelled, "Follow Frybo. For he knows the way."
- riiiing-riiiing-
"The hell is that?" Connie asked, a bit annoyed at the ringing.
"Doesn't matter; we're heading south," Jeff stated.
"You guys heading south?" Steven questioned, getting nods all around. "You head south...and find yourself back here."
- riiiing-riiiing-
"Now we are down to eight hours!" Danny yelled.
"Just saying if we went south, we would be halfway home."
"I'm pressing X to doubt." Peedee poked Jeff's cheek.
- Riiiing-Riiiing-
"What the hell is that ringing?!" Danny yelled,
"Wanna hint?" Steven asked,
"Can we get hints?" Jeff inquired,
"Did you not pay attention...Yes, hints cost an hour as Jutsu." Steven sighed
"Please, hint us!"
"You suuure…? It Costs an hour."
- Riiiiiiiing-Riiiiiiiing-
"Oh, God. It's getting more piercing...Give us a hint!"
"What are the three types of Jutsu?" Steven grinned.
"Nin, Tai, and…" Connie turned to Tricia, " Play with your triangle."
"Wow, beautiful phrasing, " Tricia laughed.
"Oh my Shiva! Get your head out of the gutter and dispel the Genjutsu."
"So demanding too." Tricia chuckled more before ringing her instrument with a -Diiingg-diinnng!- The area lit up three paths were shown to the crew.
" North, West, or East?" Steven grinned, "since you used a hint and dispelled the Genjutsu, you lost two hours...Soo six hours left."
"OH my God, we blew through nearly half our time already!" Connie rubbed her temples. " Can I use my special eyes, Mister Daikage?" Connie batted her eyes.
"You wanna use the Heartful glance." Steve chuckled, " Ok, so for this game, you can use your eyes twice since you have two."
"Ingenious." Peedee taunted.
"That's why your parents' food shop failed to feed the Akimichi appetite," Steven noted nonchalantly.
"Wow, Daikage is petty,' Peedee blinked before the group started to laugh.
"Anyway, two times for your special eyes, your right eye grants your guys an auto turn. No hour lost. Right answer only."
" Oh shit, that..that's a bit OP for this." Jeff stated, "What does the right eye do?"
"Best to save that for later, hehe."
"Shit, I'm using the left Maheswarigan," Connie announced with pride.
"You go east." The area shifted again as Steve spoke, this time displaying a creek and two paths. One of wood, and the other wildflowers in bloom. "So you guys can take a chance with the creek. Drink the water, try to fish...Set up camp..replenish yourself before moving on."
"Wait, wait...Why do you say chance , as if something horrible can happen? "
"Because everything can lead to death in the ninja world."
"If you don't have Talk-no-Jutsu," Danny interjected.
"I mean, yeah, that is the most powerful skill in Naruto." Tricia nodded, "allows him to hold the world hostage."
"Wait, what?" Peedee questioned.
"Thank you, I know I couldn't be the only one thinking that." Danny exclaimed, "that's the only reason I can see Orochimaru not getting fucked up every day."
"Cause of Naruto? How does that work? "
"Discuss the fucking loophole that is the sound and leaf shadow relationship on your own time!" Steven clapped, getting their attention.
"Ok, so how is this gonna work?" Peedee inquired.
"Depends, what you're going to do...Going to rest, or going to move on? If you stay..you have a chance to stock another free turn, via Connie getting to use her left eye again if...and I'll even throw in the chance of making this a free turn, if things go your way."
"Yo, camping out. Risk it for the biscuit." Danny offered.
"Hold on...Steven, what if we fuck up." Tricia narrowed her eyes.
"If it is bad, you lose two hours. If it is not so bad, it's a normal turn."
Connie pursed her lips and turned to the others, "risk it?"
The group nodded.
"So you're resting. Ok, So, are you going to drink...or are you gonna try to fish? If you try to fish, that's a chance for a free turn and Connie's left eye."
"Which also can lead us to lose two hours if we mess up."
"Yup. Just drinking can grant Connie her eye...If you don't mess up."
"And how do we mess up drinking at a creek?" Jeff taunted.
"Coin flip." Steven grinned, showing a coin app on his phone " fishing is a bit more complicated; you have to choose the right teammates to get fish and prepare the fish, plus a coin flip, but two free hours."
"We're fishing." Connie challenged, "Ninjas need to be fearless." The group nodded in agreement.
"OK, Who's fishing?"
The group stood before looking at each other.
"I would like to remind you that previously used Jutsu can't be used for at least three hours unless replenished. So Tricia's triangle is currently unavailable until the next turn."
"Well, thought she could Genjutsu the fish." Jeff stated, "What does Connie's right eye do?"
"...Sure you wanna use the right Maheswarigan, now?"
"...Not anymore," Peedee stated, seeing Steven's evil grin. "We're gonna pocket that."
"Jeff, use Frybo to get us some fish, puppet man." Connie smacked her friend back.
"Yeah! Puppeteer, that bitch." Peedee added.
"Puppeteer, that bitch." Jeff shook his head, chuckling, "Steven, I puppeteer the bitch to get the fish."
"That's gonna stick." Steven smirked, "that being said...Good choice. Frybo enters the creek and gets a fish for each member of the team. A.K.A Jeff puppeteered the bitch and got ya some fish."
"Steven swear! Not a G-Squared ep without one." Tricia laughed, pumping her fist.
"Ok, so who gonna-"
"Peedee." The group stated.
"Me, food is my specialty." Peedee smirked, "and I use my body temperature Jutsu for cooking the fish."
"Fair enough...I was hoping you messed up." Steven shrugged, "but naw, you got your free turn, and Connie got her Jutsu."
"My special eyes!" Connie roared, "Full power!"
Ok, so you guys ate, you're replenished." Steven grinned, "Wildflowers or Woodlands? Where we going?
The group looked at each other.
" Woodlands," Connie stated.
"Why would you choose Woodlands over wildflowers? Look at them dark, horrifying woods…." Peedee argued.
"The wildflowers could be a lie...LIE, I SAY!"
"This is some tragic anime story shit. We're going through wildflowers." Tricia stated.
"I'm with Connie on this one; it's definitely woodlands." Danny nodded her a high-five, "what you say, Jeff, flowers or woods."
" I sayyy…"
_________________________
Steven: And that is where we end this episode. What happened next, do they become genin of my village...SSSHHH~HMMM. That will be seen, but until you next time, G-squared Breakout. Oh, and remember, in life you sometimes have to puppeteer the bitch and get ya some fish.
