#jdagups

Personal growth is essential

Honestly, this past year I’ve grown so much. With my own personal growth sometimes it goes to show somethings/people don’t change.

I’m regrounding myself. My values, my perspective, everything.

All I know is that I am growing with the season. I need to love myself fully and whole heartedly again before I even try to pour myself into someone else. I need to be happy independently rather than depending on someone. I need someone that compliments me and not completes me.

I know what I want in a lover, I know my worth, I know that me finding someone won’t happen anytime soon. But I know what I need to have a happy, loving, lasting relationship. I know what kind of love and happiness I am deserving of. All of this is my biggest lesson.

It’s gonna take time for sure. I’m taking this energy and using it as a driving force to keep me going. Keep on keeping on.

If someone or something makes you happy, fight for it. Fight for what you believe is happiness for you and you alone. If it works, awesome. If not, at least you know you gave it a hundred percent no hesitation.

I’m talking about me, yes third person speaking terms. Heeey I’m back! And I’m STRONGER than I’ve ever been.

As many would say “shit hit the fan,” and as much as I wish there could be a way to undo all that I’ve done.. I can’t. So here I am. Growing and learning along the way.

Lessons can be tough, and sometimes a hard fall is what we need to realize what life is trying to teach us. Personally I feel that I’ve learned so much more about myself in the past month than I have in the past 26 years of my life.

I’ve learned how much trust and vulnerability go hand in hand, and once tainted or broken, is something that is almost impossible to gain again. Call me crazy, but I think that having trust as your solid foundation of any sort of relationship whether that may be family, friends, significant others, is what you need to build upon that.

Common sense, right? I think we can all agree that trust is something you need to grow, flourish and nurture that relationship. BUT given to the wrong people/person, with your vulnerability and WHAM — you get taken advantaged of, they treat you and your trust like NOTHING. Like all that you’ve poured into them equals nada, nothing, zip, zilch.

My word for the year is T R U S T. Last year I went against my gut for the first time in x amount of years, and boy oh boy, if you’ve got intuition; Use. That. Shit. No joke. “Trust your gut.” And I promise you 99.99 percent of the time, you’re probably right.

Moving forward, I feel like I’ve become more in tune with my needs and wants. I feel like as an independent woman I’ve learned a lot within the past 30 days of the year, and I’m excited to see what else I can learn throughout 2019.

In the meantime, I’ll be doing me. This includes self love, spending time with loved ones (family and friends), balancing my life and reigniting my passion and love for hula. I’ll be doing me for me, and only being the best that I could possibly be for myself and no one else.

2018 edition

Woah. Throwback. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve been on here — let’s say 4/5 years? Maybe?

Anywho. A lot has changed within those years. I’m gonna give myself a challenge.

I’m going to challenge myself to write one blog post each week. Let’s call it a goal? Perhaps?

The biggest update in life: being single.

And let me tell you, it’s been 13 years (yes, that’s not a typo) since I’ve been single.

Most of the time when people ask how him and I are doing and I respond with “we’re not together,” the most common response I hear after that is “oh I’m so sorry.”

I usually almost always laugh when I hear the sorry part. Not because I didn’t care about my relationship, of course I did. It’s funny that most people associate breakups as sad and unfortunate (most of the times it’s one sided and not always mutual) I get it.

Surprisingly I was the one that was one sided. I broke the hearts. I don’t think I need to validate why it ended on what it ended on. I’ll share that when I’m completely ready to be vulnerable. If I’m being brutally honest — I am the happiest I have ever been in a while.

Memories will last a lifetime, as well as lessons. I am beyond blessed to have shared that part of my life with him. None of that time is replaceable, and even though it didn’t work the way we may have wanted it to work — I believe this is benefitting the both of us for the future. Although everyone that knew us called us the “power couple,” in my heart, as harsh as this is going to sound, it just didn’t feel/sit right with me for him being my fairytale, my forever after..

All in all. I am thankful for the lessons learned. Me being single is new, it’s interesting, and it’s just the beginning.

Cheers to 2018, to love, happiness and peace.

Well, this is the longest (personally) I’ve been off Instagram. And it’s kind of nice cutting back (not including this - but is it really a social media?) anyways, I guess it’s nice to know if someone wants to know what’s going on with me, they could go out of their way to text/call me instead of comment me or DM me on IG.

I’m not obsessing over filters, angles, what to post or what not to post. I used to be consumed over “likes,” but I’m definitely learning a lot from this break & it’s nice to know I don’t necessarily need IG.

It feels like IG turned itself into a competition rather than a SM. But that’s just my opinion.

Other than cutting back on IG, it feels like I turned into an adult almost over night. It’s crazy. From monthly bills & getting a new car to really considering working another PT job.

I’ve been reevaluating everything. Including my jobs & moving home. I’m not sure if I’m filled with regret or jealousy or if I’m just in a neutral zone.. It’s weird. Idk what I’m feeling.