With a sigh, you smile, the free arm that wasn’t wrapped around your boyfriend’s muscular back coming up to stroke his messy hair that splays out across your chest like dark ink. His firm torso flush against yours, you could feel the warmth of his skin, the steady rise and fall of his chest, and you give into the urge to press the lightest of kisses onto his exposed forehead. 

Grinning to yourself, you continue to gently slip your fingers through his hair, lightly scraping your nails against his prickly undercut. It always seems to make him sleep deeper, somehow. Your eyes flutter shut, unable to stay open for much longer, and you let the soothing lullaby of his deepened breathing lull you back into slumber.

You wake an hour or so later, the day having grown hotter, the heat under the sheets and from your boyfriend teetering on uncomfortable. Blinking sleep away from your eyes, you shift, trying to move the covers so that you could stick an arm or leg outside and go the hell back to sleep.

At the movement, Levi stirs, slowly lifting his head from where it had rested tucked under your chin. “What are you doing?” He slurs hoarsely, eyes barely open, hair askew. His cheeks always go puffy in the mornings and you can’t help but pinch them lightly, and grin at the sleepy glare he retaliates with.

“It’s roasting in here. Just wanted to stick a leg out or something.”

He huffs, lying his head back down, firmly tucking himself at your side. “’s warm.”

“Mm. Too warm.”

He yawns, eyelids drooping. His grip loosens and his head lifts up off your chest again, letting you readjust yourself, leg poking out the side.

“Better?” He mumbles, as you settle back down and guide Levi back down to rest in the same position, content. 

“Mm hm.” You nod, closing your eyes, your hands slipping up underneath his sleep shirt and aimlessly rubbing circles into his back. 

“That feels nice,” his voice is muffled by your shirt, and you feel his face nuzzle your chest slightly, and his lips dropping a kiss onto your clothed skin. His hands slip under your sweater, returning the favour by slowly massaging your stomach. 

“Love you,” you yawn, feeling yourself growing limp under his gentle ministrations. 

An incoherent mumble vaguely resembling the same phrase is what you hear in response. His breathing evens out soon after, and you eagerly follow him into the land of dreams. 

© jayteacups 2022 | do not repost, modify or claim as your own work.

“I…” you’re shaking your head frantically, as you place a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Lev, I’m so sorry.” A quiet sniffle coming from your best friend incites stinging in your own eyes, and the growing lump in your throat is making it a little too difficult to breathe. Guilt burns deep inside of you. Shit, I shouldn’t have said anything.

You realise that this is the most open he has ever been with you, and the realisation cleaves your heart into two, because this will be the first and only time he will ever bare himself like this to you. Resigning yourself to the loss of your best friend, the loss of the man you would dedicate your entire life to if he asked you so, you hold back a whimper. 

“Did I…” Your voice cracks. You swallow and try again. “Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry—”

Levi raises his head, his hands coming to rest on your biceps, gently tugging you closer to him. Up close, tears cling to his long lashes and leave behind trails upon his cheeks. 

He tilts his head forwards, resting his forehead against yours. You let your eyes close shut. 

“Don’t ever apologise for that,” he says tearily, his voice wavering, filled with longing. “Don’t.” 

Oh.

“Oh.” You repeat your thoughts dumbly. 

How could you have missed it?

“Yeah.” He confirms in the softest of tones, yet still a little choked up. Opening your eyes, you lean your head back. Tears are still streaming down his face, but he’s smiling almost imperceptibly, his features softened and open. 

Your hands move of their own accord and gently wipe the fresh tears off of his face. His eyes close with your gentle gestures. You’re blinking your own tears back as you cup his cheeks and return his smile. 

“Can I kiss you?” He breathes, his hand coming to rest at the back of your neck.

“Are you kidding? I’ve waited years for this moment,” you say through your own happy tears.

“Me too.”

He leans in. 

© jayteacups 2022 | do not repost, modify or claim as your own work

One shower and two warm cups of chamomile tea later, he’s curled against your side, head resting atop your shoulder and eyes shut whilst you finish the last chapter of your book. Normally, the moment Levi gets into bed, you stop and devote all your attention on him, but the last week or so, this book has had a vice-like chokehold on you. 

He cracks his eyes open. Through the fog of exhaustion and pain, the words swim across the pages. He can’t tell if you’re on the last page of the chapter or not. “You almost done?”

“Just on the last page.” 

Levi finds himself huffing through his nose. Despite feeling absolutely drained, his insomnia won’t let him fall asleep until you’re lying down next to him, fingers running through his hair. 

“Okay,” he says, “read your damn book faster.” 

“Almost there, baby,” you coo, and he closes his eyes again. 

A few moments later, Levi hears you exhale and the book snap shut. 

“What’s this book about anyway?” he asks as the two of you settle underneath the quilt. “You’ve been reading it every spare moment you get.” 

Your eyes seem to light up as you grin. The sight paired with your cheek being squished up against the pillow, facing him, makes his heart flutter. “It’s absolutely amazing, Levi, you must read it. So…” 

Though the two of you were lying down, cozy and warm under the quilt, you show no signs of sleepiness as you animatedly talk through the premise, the story and the finer details of what you declare is your favourite book of all time. (“How can it be your favourite book when you haven’t even finished it?” Levi had asked, utterly puzzled.) He can’t deny that you’d lost him about half-way through into your rant despite his tired brain whizzing at a thousand miles an hour to try and keep up with your ramblings, but he’s more than content just watching you talk. Face aglow with excitement and passion, Levi can’t help but think that you are the most beautiful being he has ever laid eyes upon. He makes sure to nod and hum, finds himself smiling a little whenever you gush about your favourite character; the spark in your eyes absolutely captivating. 

“Hey,” you say, nudging his leg with your foot, “I’ve completely lost you, haven’t I?” 

Pulled out of his reverie, he blinks slowly. “No,” he lies. “Carry on.” 

You shake your head. “I’m sorry, you’re clearly tired. Let’s get some rest now, and I can re-explain some stuff that didn’t make any sense. Only if you’re interested, though. It’s kind of a complicated story, so…” 

He nods, and you beam. Levi quickly rolls over to blow out the candle on the bedside table, and settles down in his favourite position—his face tucked into the crook of your neck, an arm draped over your waist, hand resting on the small of your back. He feels you bury your face in his hair, before your fingers follow, and he lets himself smile in secret. 

He’s asleep in minutes, and you follow soon after.

———

You’re onto the next book in the series now, and Levi is getting increasingly more confused at your ramblings despite his best efforts, and even a little curious. Since the ‘heart-wrenching’ cliffhanger of the first book, the rest of the book series has been on your mind non-stop. 

Holding the copy of the first book in his hands, he asks the owner of the bookstore, “how much?”

He internally winces at the price that leaves her mouth, but parts with his gold regardless. Your book collection and meticulously-arranged bookshelf was your most prized possession; your eagle-eyes would notice if he’d taken one small book from the massive bookshelf. Buying his own copy would have to do - plus, it’s not like he’s going to read the whole series, just the first book to get some basic, contextual knowledge. Right?

Fifteen days later, Levi buys the second book. He just couldn’t help himself—that cliffhanger was cruel, he had to agree with you. But it’s not as if he’s going to become just as invested as you are and think of nothing but the books; nobody else has read these, and you deserved somebody to talk to that vaguely understood what was going on. That’s all. 

Ten days after that, Levi returns to buy the third book. He’s not entirely sure how the author has done it, but it’s as if there’s some sort of drug between the pages. Resigning himself to the fact that he truly has sold his soul to the author and is not only reading for you but for himself, too, he picks up the copy and walks up to the bookshop owner, coins ready at hand. 

“You know, I do sell the entire series at a discounted price,” the bookshop owner says with a twinkle in her eye.  

He struggles to hide the massive complete boxset of the book series in his office, but manages to clear out space in one of his drawers. 

———

Nowadays, you spend most of your evenings updating Levi with what has happened in the book. He’s managed to nearly catch up to where you are in the series, staying up late under the pretence of filling out paperwork that had already been completed hours ago. You’ve threatened to chew Erwin out for the supposed intense workload, but to stop you from blowing his cover, Levi had calmly assured you he would take it up with Erwin himself. 

His plan seems to be working. You have yet to truly catch on to the fact he’s been quietly reading the book to properly understand your ramblings. But the book the both of you are on is the most intense by far, and this time, Levi’s hesitant for your book update. He desperately wants to experience it for himself, since most of what he’s read have been unintentionally spoiled by you already. 

He shoves his copy of the book into the drawer upon hearing you knock. “Come in.” 

You open the door. “Just sent my recruits to the showers, got the rest of the night free. Looks like Erwin listened to you, finally.”

His desk is currently empty; he’s busted. Levi nods. “Yeah, I managed to actually finish and submit my work before 6pm today, thank fuck.” He doesn’t sound convincing to his own ears, but you don’t see through it.  

Beaming, you bound over and gesture for him to get up. “Great! Because you will not believe what happened in the last chapter I read.” Linking arms, you guide him to the sofa, and he moves without any resistance. Shit, how is he going to get out of this? You’ll give out another spoiler and ruin the suspense that had been building up in the last three books!

Levi remains tight-lipped as the two of you take a seat on the sofa, curled inwards to face each other, pressed side-to-side. Your lips run faster than his brain, and before he knows it, you’re launching yourself into a rapid retelling of the last few chapters. He follows along, nothing too major, until you reach the scene in which the huge secret is about to be revealed. 

“Oh, you’ll never guess this, but it turns out that—”

He snaps. 

“Fuck, don’t! I’m not having this spoiled for me any more than it already has been, damn it!” The words burst out of him faster than he can think, cutting you off abruptly. 

You blink, mouth agape. 

Levi internally curses the day he picked up the book at the bookshop when your lips curve into a shit-eating grin. “Levi,” you drawl, clearly having recovered from your surprise, “don’t tell me you got so hooked you started reading along with me.” 

He proceeds to then silently curse his pale complexion, feeling heat rising to his cheeks. Fuck, he must look like a fucking tomato right now. The words come out in a pathetically low whisper. “I got tired of not being able to understand what you were talking about and I know you don’t have anyone else to talk to about this series so… but I hadn’t caught up yet so I couldn’t tell you, and I didn’t know how to.” 

“Aw, no, don’t hide your blush away from me,” you tease him gently, stopping his face from turning away. Your fingertips are cool against his flaming hot cheeks. “That’s so cute.” 

“Do not call me cute,” he grumbles.

Your lips settle into a very kissable pout, almost enticing enough to make him forget his own embarrassment. Almost. “But you are! You read the whole series because you put up with my constant rambling about it and wanted to understand something I’m clearly passionate about. It’s really sweet of you! But you got invested, didn’t you?”

Your hands still rest on his face, cupping his cheeks. His own hands come to lightly grasp at yours, lowering them. He can’t meet your eyes. “Fine, yeah, I got invested. Happy?”

“Very.” You peck his lips lightly. “I’m sorry for spoiling things for you when you were trying to catch up this whole time.” Another peck. 

“It’s fine.” He tugs you closer, leaning in for another kiss. “You can make it up to me by holding off on reading any further until I’m on that chapter.” 

You gasp, eyes comically wide. “Levi!” You whisper, as if he had just asked something scandalous. “I can’t go that long!” 

“If I can go for weeks whilst being spoiled, you can spend a few days not touching that book.” He says, triumph flaring in his chest. “All that extra time. You can use it to train. Or clean. Or organise the absolute mess that’s hiding behind your wardrobe door.” 

Your shoulders slump. “Fine.” The dejected expression on your face tugs at his heartstrings, and he sighs. 

He’ll just have to read it quickly. He can’t stand the sight of you being frustrated at not being able to read, after all. 

———

Four torturous days in which your fingers itched and itched and itched to snatch your copy of your book up and pick up where you’d left off. Four days in which you could only enviously watch Levi as he reads his own copy, catching up to you. Oftentimes, he’d peek over the top of the book and give you a taunting look, as if to say, ‘this is what you’re missing out on’. (You didn’t bother to dignify it with a response. For all his strength on the battlefield, he could be rather childish sometimes, but you supposed you weren’t much better, huffing and puffing over the fact that you couldn’t touch your book. Perhaps you could’ve also been a little less pushy on asking Levi what bit of the book he was currently on every time you saw him, but your boyfriend, despite his grouchy demeanour, had the patience of a saint.)

On the fifth day, he enters your shared quarters with a happy shine in his eyes, announcing that you could now read on since he’d finally caught up with you. He expectantly walks up to where you’re seated on the sofa, doodling absentmindedly into a spare notebook. 

“No.” You say firmly, the idea that had been brewing for the past four days finally coming into fruition. 

Levi’s thin brows raise. Clearly, he’d expected you to jump up and down in celebration. “No? You’ve been foaming at the mouth for the past few days because you couldn’t read.” Hand on his hip, he waits for your answer, looking progressively more confused. 

It takes a great effort to keep the smile off of your face, but somehow you manage. “No,” you repeat, “I don’t want to keep reading it—not without you.” 

Silence fills the room as the words sink in. His mouth parts in surprise, looking adorably flustered. “What?”

“I want to read it with you, silly,” you say, smile taking over your face. You toss the pencil and notebook aside, doodles forgotten. “Get your book and come here.” 

Levi eyes your open arm, hesitates, and snatches his copy of the book off the bedside table. He sits down next to you, snuggling close so there’s no space between your bodies.

“We’ll read together,” you propose, and a ghost of a smile lingers on his lips before he presses them to yours in agreement. 

“You almost gave me a damn heart attack,” he murmurs against your lips, “thought I’d majorly pissed you off.”

“Aw,” you grin, “were you about to grovel at my feet? Beg me for forgiveness?”

“Don’t be stupid. I never beg.”

“Not even for me?” You flutter your eyelashes at him, but Levi’s face shutters off, completely unimpressed. 

“Especially not for you. Now hurry up and open the book.” 

You shake your head with a scoff; his impatience to start reading was rather endearing. You open the book on the page he’d marked out for himself, the very same page you’d stopped reading on four days prior. Since your hands are occupied with holding the book open, Levi takes it upon himself to wrap one arm around you, the other resting lightly on your lap, rubbing soothing circles into your thigh. 

Content, the two of you begin to read. You quickly make it to the end of the double page spread, reaching over to turn the page. Levi’s a fast reader, judging by how quickly he read to catch up to where you were in the story despite not having as much free time as you, so you conclude he was finished as well. 

A firm, calloused hand envelops yours, gently guiding it backwards. His thumb grazes the back of your hand. Levi leans forward slightly, eyes scanning the bottom of the page. Your heart flutters in your chest as he finishes the paragraph and guides your hand to turn the page now that he had finished. 

“I wasn’t quite done,” he says, but the glint in his pretty eyes softens the deadpan tone of his voice. “It’s flattering you think that I’m that fast of a reader, but that’s far from the case.” 

“What do you mean—oh.” Those consecutive late nights hadn’t been for paperwork after all. “Oh,” you repeat dumbly, only just now realising the scope of his dedication to understand your newest passion. “You really didn’t have to sacrifice sleep for this, you know.” 

“I don’t sleep.” 

“Yeah, but with me you do.” You mumble, face inching closer to his, “no one’s ever gone to such lengths just to understand something super-specific that I’m talking about. Like, you really didn’t have to.” 

Levi tilts his head slightly, brows furrowing. “Why not? You clearly care a lot about it, of course I’d want to know more.” 

You seal the gap between you with a kiss, his lips soft against yours. “I love you,” you say, because nothing could be closer to the truth. You’ve yet to hear it from him, but if there was any doubts about his feelings for you, the past five minutes alone have proved that he holds you close to his highly-guarded heart. 

He responds with a kiss that steals the breath from your lungs. Heart filled with warmth, you think to yourself that this is all you could ever want. 

© 2022 jayteacups | do not repost, modify or claim as your own work

His words cut through the haze you've trapped yourself in, and the dam breaks. You sniffle, and loathe the way your eyes sting, welling up with tears. You turn your face into his shoulder so that he can't see your face. You coward, your mind supplies unhelpfully.

Voice wobbling, you say, "you're too good to me. I... I don't deserve you, or your love. 'm sorry that you have to settle for someone like me." It's been bugging you recently. Compared to him, you're selfish, lazy, talentless, not the kind of person that Levi deserves to find happiness with. No, you don't think you could ever make him as happy as he makes you.

Levi feels heat flood to his cheeks - both flustered and upset that you'd think so. "No," he counters, tone quiet yet firm, "you're deserving of only the best. You hear me?"

You're about to protest, but he continues. "Listen. I don't know anybody with a bigger heart than yours. I don't know anybody that can give their very all to someone the way you do and still doubt that they're giving enough. I...” he debates lifting your head up so you can see his sincerity, but he thinks he may lose momentum, so he instead buries a hand in your hair and strokes, keeping your head where it’s tucked against his shoulder. “I love you,” he says quietly. You gasp. It’s not a phrase you’ve actually heard very often from him. There’s a pause, in which Levi wades through the cacophony of his many, many thoughts about you. He can’t bring them to life with his blunt words, though, so instead of waxing poetry, he begs you, “so, please. Please know that you mean the world to me.” 

It’s short, it’s succinct, it’s so quintessentially him. You sniffle, wiping away the tears with a shaky hand, and lift yourself up so that you face him properly.

No, you’re well aware that a few sentences won’t make your self-doubts go away. They won’t turn a bad day on its head. But what those kind and sincere words will do, is stay with you forever, and remind you that for every bad day, there’s always going to be good ones. 

As you cup his face and kiss him, unable to formulate words to thank him the way he deserves, you let your eyes flutter close and think: I wouldn’t give this up for the world.

© jayteacups 2022 | do not repost, modify or claim as your own work