#jaysthoughts

People say it's important to know and have the situation under control, it helps you take decisions. But not in my case: it only gets me paranoid, afraid. When I think of something, and I feel like it could make the difference, I start obsessing over it. It becomes all I could think about. Unfortunately, no matter how positive I can be, I'd immediately panic, get insecure and blind. All I can see then is just failure, the dark and negative side of it. As I would not succede, never gonna make it because I'm not worth it, not enough, I don't have the strength to do it, everything blocks me, freezes me. So in the end I just stand still, unable to do anything, watching the world passing me by, losing chances, possibilities, opportunities and what I really want, only because "it could go wrong, I can't do it."

That's exactly how we become unhappy, we'd never be able to face life and its obstacles this way. You need guts, to take risks because if you don't risk and at least try, you'll never know if you can make it or not. What if you fly instead of falling to the ground? It's better to try and maybe fail rather than don't try at all. So throw yourself out of your comfort zone and live, have fun, do what you feel it's right for you, that makes you happy.

They tortured you for good: teased right under your nose, trampled and crushed like the stub of a cigarette, they loved you and then they ripped you in a thousand small pieces leaving you so reduced in the middle of the rib cage, full of blood, wounds, scratches for the umpteenth time.

You did not deserve it. No, you do not. Not you who are so good with everyone, even with those who do not deserve even half of your beat but unfortunately we live in a world of sharks that just when they smell the blood, they attack, tearing, killing you.

But the fault in the end is not yours, it's not mine, I do not even know who to attribute it to.

The only "fault" you have, my little heart, is that of being different.

You are different in the values, still just and important in which people have stopped believing and giving weight, you are different in the pure and genuine matter of which you are made, you are different in the beats that still have the strength to accelerate by making the whole body pulsate like a boombox, you're different in size, too big to be confined in a little body like mine, you're strong because in spite of everything you don’t give up, you keep on beating better than before.

You're different and that's it. You beat at your own pace, a melody that nobody knows and that you hope with all of yourself that someone can hear in the din of their deaf minds one day.

You're different and that's why they're afraid of you, they can not handle you, they do not know how to love you.

But you resist, stubborn and obstinate. You keep hoping. Unable to hate and giving infinite possibilities even to those who hurt you.

Well, I ask you to stop it. They will kill you if you go on acting like this. Your goodness and your ingenuity will lead you to ruin.

And I'll break with you too, accompanied by screams and tears, depression and sadness. Because you are like this, you are sensitive and everything affects your mood, also conditioning me.

You and I are connected, we have an intense, vital and conflict-filled bond. I am tough with you, severe and sometimes bad. But you blush and shy shrug, continuing your actions as if to spite me. Sometimes I hate you, you should give me a straight line, but continue to make rightly false steps.

I do it only for your own good and mine. If you're sick, I'm sick and if you're happy, I am too.

Maybe we don’t like each other enough, we're not accomplices, we're not friends but not even enemies. Perhaps we are simply. And maybe one day we both will learn: I will learn to love you with that kind of love you deserve and you will no longer need others to feel complete.