#jay.link

timshel by @angelic-holland reader is from the red room and has to relearn how to live life in the real world. peter helps. i am really terrible at summarising but this one is sooooo good i cried a bunch of times the angst is so so good the fluff and the comfort<3333333

bloom by @duskholland soulmate au where you see colours only after meeting your soulmate, very very fluffy, beautifully written. not a slow burn per se but it talks about falling in love and how it evolves. so so comforting!!

sunburn by @peterpparkerwrites okay so anything they write, i will read a billion times. all their works are so so comforting to me the angst and fluff and emotions are navigated in such a beautiful and simple way i love love love their style so much. this one's a soulmate au where you see colours after touching your soulmate for the first time but gasp it doesn't go well for the reader</3 they have some more series i highly recommend, especially the blackcat!reader soulmate au

where we start again by @waitimcomingtoo if you're in the peter parker fandom waitimcomingtoo fics are staple, classics, etc etc you HAVE to read their fics for their simplicity and ease in understanding while having complex characters and hilarious dialogue with 90s romcom feels to each story. the angst is always done so well, this one is a fake dating trope with popular!reader and i ADORE it so much!!! apart from this please check their masterlist out for other amazing series and oneshots!!

far from you trilogy by @hey-marlie my favourite favourite favourite peter parker series ever i've reread the three connected series over a hundred times and can quote them back to back, a lengthy far from home rewrite, SLOWWWWBURN bestfriends to lovers with stark!reader with so. much. angst. they are so perfect for each other i can go on and on about this series and their dynamic but i'll let you find out why i love it so much by yourself. while you're at it check out their other series if you need me: another CLASSIC i've reread countless times, impeccable characters and storylines!! if i ever lost the ability to reread these i would actually bury myself alive.

rose thorn blues by @helloheyhihowdyheya ENEMIES TO LOVERS!!! 5 parter humorous, thoughtful plot, well written and so so good it had me biting my nails all throughout. their bickering is also top notch i love me a good banter moment. love love love. honorable mention to on a tuesday which is one of my comfortest (not a word ik) fics!!

i want you back by @lousimusician big big fandom classic i used to reread every other day because of my need for good angst. peter's an idiot and realises a little late (?)

slut! by @waitimcomingtoo i've already said it but look. i'm a SLUT FOR THEIR SERIES especially this one. the angst is top notch i fear i will never get over this series

florence by @periprose one of my FAVOURITE pieces of writing on this site. best friends to semi strangers to lovers, realizations during your other bestfriends' wedding, so much banter, well written angst, the mutual pining ugh. so many good things to be said about this series.

it's nice to have a friend by @reidslovely this is such a fucking good series, it's actually like a movie the way you can see things happen and their relationship change as time moves on and their journey from friends to this

even in his own head that word sounds insufficient, too small to define what you were to him, what you were together. too light to hold the weight of his chest the past days when he wasn't waking up to a funny picture from you.

so here he was, attempting to figure you out, ordering for two cups of coffee in your place of work, one for him and one for you.

he was oh so glad that it was a slow day in the cafe, him being the only one inside right now.

your coworker took the order, a tall brunette with pink streaks in her hair. she shot him a flirty smile as she asked him to wait for his drinks. he would probably have been more responsive if it were him from three months ago.

he tried peaking into the back room where you probably were but only caught the eyes of the barista watching him with a raised brow. "looking for someone, handsome?"

"uhm, no, just... looking around.”

she hummed, unconvinced. the door from behind her swung open and peter knew it was you before you spoke as the familiar thumping of your heart filled his ears.

"mia, you can take your break now," you said, smoothening your apron in front of you as you set his order on the table in front of you.

peter waited for you to look up at him, for that familiar moment of peace that washed over whenever you made eye contact. 

and then you did, looking up momentarily before you averted your gaze within seconds, mouth opened in a little gasp.

you cleared your throat, speaking before he could muster up a single word. "this your order?" 

"yeah, it is," he made an attempt at grabbing them before he was stopped by a hand on his. his eyes wander up to meet unfamiliar ones. 

mia, or whatever her name was, grinned and slid the drinks towards herself on the counter, grabbing a marker. 

oh no. he knew where this was going and immediately looked to you. he expected a reaction, some reaction. atleast a frown. 

you watched on as mia scribbled her number onto one of peter's cups, adding a heart at the end for good measure. you seemed so unbothered. like it was okay with you. how could it just be okay with you?

"call me," mia smiled at him before taking her apron off as she disappeared behind the doors of the room you came from.

peter extended a hand towards the cups, hesitant. he grabbed them in both hands but made no attempt to leave. you looked up to him curiously.

"i'm not gonna call her, you know?" he stated, clearing his throat. he waited for a response but recieved none.

so he continued, "aren't you gonna ask why?"

this time you spoke and he resisted an urge to break into a smile at your voice. 

"fine. i'll humour you. why?" it was short and plain, but he was not being silent treatmented anymore. he would take every win he got. 

"because i already have a girl."

"oh, good for you. is it brooke?" you tore a piece of tissue into pieces as you spoke.

"no! i meant yo- who's brooke?" he frowned slightly.

"the girl from your biochem class? she said you've been 'talking nonstop' and how she just can't wait for you to lose the deadweight in your life aka me so you could finally be her boyfriend!" your words were cold and bitter, a frown taking over you.

"what the fuck? deadweight? babe, she called you deadweight in my life?"

"peter, she said you called me that." 

"my baby, sweetheart, respectfully. what the fuck? you are not and will never be anything but the best thing to happen to me and anything who thinks or says otherwise is clinically insane." he leaned over the counter, fingers trailing up your chin as he picks it up. “brianna is definitely insane and deluded because i have never said a single word to her, let alone about being a boyfriend.”

you didn't say a word, processing his.

"so you believed a random girl saying random shit about my feelings? and didn't think to ask me?" his voice was gentle and soft.

"i, you just don't talk about your feelings a lot and i just, i don't know-" you stumbled over your words.

he jumped over the counter as if it was nothing, taking his hat off and placing it on your head. "i know i don't and i swear i'm trying. i'm trying to communicate and." his voice cracked. "you mean a hell of a lot to me, okay? and i don't care what crap you hear from anybody but you're the only girl in my life right now. and i really like you." his hands wrapped around your fingers, squeezing once, twice and a last time before raising them to place a featherlight kiss on them.

you gasped when he pulled you closer to his chest by your intertwined hands.

“you there?” he asked, nervous at your silence.

“yeah,” you breathed, “i am.”

“if i am ever had to be someone’s boyfriend, i would be yours. nobody else. ever. you got that?” his nose brushed yours ever so slightly. you moved forward to meet him in the middle but he moved away, “nuh uh, baby. tell me you got it, that you understand what i’m trying to say to you.”

“i do, peter, now let me just-” you breathed out in frustration as he grinned.

“in the holy place of your employment?” his forehead leaned against yours, eyes twinkling, mischievous. “scandalous.”

“i’ll show you scandalou-”

“patience,” he clicked his tongue, glancing at his watch. “your shift ends in… three, two and …one! now you’re free to have a cup of coffee with me as we talk a walk down the park.”

you bit your cheek, trying not to smile. “so the second one’s for me?” you asked, gesturing to the cups on the counter. 

“if you’ll have it,” he shrugged, as if it didn’t matter but his eyes told you everything.

“i think i will,” you grinned, squeezing his hand back.

“good choice,” he smiled, an infectious little smile, tugging up on one side. “the drink is also your favorite.” he handed it to you as you walked out.

“i know. i made it,” you curled a hand around his arm.

“so, you’re guaranteed to like it. and the weather’s perfect for a walk. peter parker, best date planner ever.”

“...date?” you asked, afraid to disrupt the peace.

he paused for a second and you had every intention of backtracking and laughing it off, to tell him it was already forgotten. but he seemed to be okay with the word, nodding, looking slightly nervous in a way he never did. “well, yeah! date, that is if you want one? with me?”

You all but jumped back in bed. This might be the only time he’d actually invite you to his bed for just cuddles the morning after and you wanted to savour every minute. 

Plus, he looked ridiculously attractive, the perfect combination of cute and hot with his mussed hair and shirtless torso littered with the marks you’d given him last night.

He pulled your body to him, nuzzling his face into your neck as he sighed, one hand sneaking up under your his shirt. He kissed the expanse of your neck, every inch that he could reach- soft, lingering kisses that trailed to your jaw, that had you holding your breath when they landed so very close to your open mouth, onto your cheek.

He left another one on the same spot on your cheek, where they rounded slightly right under your eye and you whined, making him laugh into your skin.

“What do you want, baby?”

You grunt, not wanting to voice it and he bites your cheek lightly before withdrawing a little to reposition himself so he can be face-to-face with you. His lips linger in the space above your lips, breaths mingling and he asked again, “What do you want, baby?”

You don’t answer him, choosing to lift your head up to bridge the gap with a long kiss that didn’t stop until you broke apart for air, breathing heavily. Peter’s eyes didn’t leave yours when he connected your lips again, one palm coming up to rest on your jaw.

Before he could move to your neck to mark it up like he liked to, you pulled away, brows furrowed. Peter frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I think I hear-” you scooched to the corner of the bed, reaching your arm to the bedside table to pick your phone up.

“That’s more important than this?” he scoffed, “Ridiculous.” He plucked the phone out of your hands, holding it above your head, out of your reach and you groaned.

“Peter, someone’s calling me. Give it back,” you tried to reach for it and he shook his head, smirking. “I’m serious, it’s already late and I think that’s Ben-”

The smirk faded and he asked,” Who the fuck is Ben.”

“Yeah, he’s in my biotech class. Super nice. He asked if we could study together and I think that’s him.” You played up the super nice part to see Peter’s reactions and didn’t regret it one bit, that mad, confused furrow of his brow was hot.

“Oh, is he?” His arm dropped down slowly.

“Mmmhm,” you nodded, hand reaching for your phone again, this time successful. You unlocked it and swiped a few notifications, replied to a couple of friends while Peter’s nose flared.

“So, is he hot?” His tone was blunt.

“Who?” you asked, distracted.

“Your super nice classmate, Ben. He hot?”

You glanced up from your phone, shrugging.

“You should go for it, then,” he says and this time you put your phone down, looking him in the eye.

“What?-” You turn your body to face his, fully.

“Go for it,” he repeated casually.

“Like date someone else?” you asked for clarification.

“Why not?”

“You tell me, Peter. Since you’re so full of ideas this morning,” you frowned.

“He’s hot, and nice and in your class. What else could you want?”

You wanted to scream that all you wanted was him but you settled for,” Are you seeing other people then?”

“Sure am, babe. This is casual, so,” he shrugged again and you swallowed a lump in your throat as you nodded one too many times.

“Oh yeah, of course. I’ve had a couple dates here and there too, so.”

“Yeah?” he asked, eyes searching yours for something.

“Yeah!” It came out louder than you wanted.

“Yeah,” he repeated, and it was an awkward minute, painfully silent as you tried to pretend this conversation wasn’t affecting you as much as it was.

He broke the silence. “So, you going to go for it?” 

You wanted to scream. “What do you think I should do?” 

“I don’t fucking care, babe. Ask your friends or something. ‘M not your fucking friend.” Oh, that hurt. His tone was wrong, what he was saying was wrong, this entire morning was wrong.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I forgot! Of course, we’re not friends. I’m just a fucking fool you fuck whenever you feel like it. Easy pickings, right?” You scoff, almost jumping out of bed in your hurry as you rip his shirt off your body, finding yours on the floor. You pulled it on within seconds.

“That’s not what I- Babe!” He panicked. 

You rushed out and slammed the door.

***

Peter didn’t see you for weeks after that and he didn’t seek you out after the 5 calls you didn’t pick up and the 4 texts you read but didn’t reply to. He felt so very shitty- how long had you been thinking those thoughts? That you were just a simple fuck?

Even the thought made him sick to his bones because you meant so much more to him. You were the reason he wanted to be better, to be good. The frat had undoubtedly changed him from who he was as a highschooler into someone he tried to hide around May.

Someone he hadn’t wanted to become but it was just too late to change back. You made him believe different. The other girls he hooked up with were there either from the rumours or his reputation, girls that wanted casual flings, not much conversation, getting straight to business.

Turns out, Peter liked the conversation. Before sex and after sex. Banter and soft, irrelavant conversations about mundane things. He liked it all. Most of all, he liked it with you. 

You made it so easy to be himself, to geek out about video games sometimes, to laugh at cringy movies with. He didn’t know just how much it all meant to him till you were gone.

He missed you so much. He saw you on campus twice after that day and both times, you’d scrambled off within minutes, not giving him enough time to even blink. You used to hold him as close as possible in bed and now you run away. He hated himself for making you feel like that.

One afternoon, he caught sight of you across the hallway, talking to a friend animatedly, shooting her a bright smile as you spoke and he smiled to himself at the sight. You had this effect on him and you walked around thinking you were something casual?

Fuck that. He was going to fix this.

So it began. 

He started with small things, waiting outside your classes (he hadn’t even known that he’d memorised your timetable.) He shot you a smile, a simple wave and you’d paused in your step, eyes catching his before your face dropped. You’d turned the other way and walked away.

He was dejected but had half-expected this, so he tried again, and again, waiting outside with his hands in his pockets, frat hat shed off because he knew you loved his hair. 

One day he even got a sigh of exasperation rather than a direct frown and he grew so excited that he wanted to tell someone, and you were usually the person he’d send all his spontaneous excited thoughts to so he couldn’t. The realisation made him even more adamant to win you over.

He bided his time, and a fortnight of waiting outside your classes later, he bought you a bouquet of flowers, a range of purples and pinks, because you’d mentioned never having received flowers before. He held them to his back, pacing anxiously as he waited for the class to end.

When the bell did ring, he watched students file out one by one, heart almost beating out of his chest. When you finally showed up, in a red sweatshirt and some loose jeans, he felt his breath stop. You walked in his direction and before you could walk past as usual, he called out your name, stuttering a little.

You turned to look at him, scoffing. “What do you want?” Your eyes were colder than the tone of your words and he gulped.

“To give you, uh, these. Here.” He shoved the flowers into your hands and your lips parted in surprise. He waited for you to take hold of them but you didn’t, letting your hands fall back down.

He looked at his shoes in disappointment and you were walking away before he could say another thing. He couldn’t let you walk away again. At the very least, he wanted to apologize, come clear about his feelings, put it out there not for you to reciprocate but for you to know.

“HeY! Y/n, babe, please, talk to me,” he said, desperation tied with every word. You must have heard it, because you turned to him again, lips pursed.

“Really, Peter, what do you want? You made it clear what we were and well, I’m not interested in something like that. I want to be liked and loved and adored and I want someone who isn’t ashamed to hold my hand in public and someone who isn’t fucking afraid of communicating and commitment. Because that’s what you are, Parker. A fucking coward. You’re so terrified of anything that makes you feel anything. I just can’t deal with that anymore. All I’ve done is been cool about this,” you gestured between the two of you. 

He wanted to say something, do something, but he let you speak. He owed you that much.

You continued,” I’ve been the cool casual fling that shows up whenever you call and leaves whenever you’re done. I’ve tried so hard to separate my feelings from this. I can’t be cool with it anymore okay? Because it hurts- I love you and you don’t and it hurts, Par-”

He surged forward to kiss you, moving his lips against yours to let you know that he feels the same, that he’s felt the same for a long time, that he’s just a stupid dickhead that couldn’t process emotions for shit.

You pushed him away, eyes glassing up. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I tell you that I love you and you want to take advantage of that? You’re a bigger asshole that I-”

“Stop it. No!” he interjected. “Can’t you see?”

“See what?” you sounded colder than ice, but so very confused.

“I LOVE YOU. I’ve loved you all along. I’ve been an idiot and a fool for not seeing it sooner. I am a coward. You’re right, but I don’t want to be anymore. Not if it means losing you. I want to be yours,” he confessed, voice lowering to a mere whisper as he watched you try to process, mouth open in that adorable gasp and your eyes darting between his eyes.

His head dropped to your neck, arms coming round your body in the empty corridor, bouquet of flowers landing on the floor. “I love you,” he mumbled into your skin, feeling your arms finally, finally tighten around him in the warmest of warm hugs and he melted. It felt like home.

“Do you mean that?” you asked softly, one hand coming up to gently lift his jaw up to look him in the eye.

“Yeah,” he replied, just as soft, leaning up to leave a barely-there kiss on your cheek. “I do.”

“Okay.” You nodded, taking his hand and straightening up. “Wanna get some food to talk over?”

“Like a date?” he asked, smiling that mega-watt smile.

“If you want, I guess,” you shrugged, as if it didn’t matter to you, but he knew you better than that, tugging your intertwined hands up to give the back of your hand a kiss.

“Is that how I was with you?” he scrunched his nose up.

You nodded, “ Not fun, is it?”

“watch a couple of movies, make some popcorn, lay in bed and wonder about the pointlessness of life,” you joked.

“can i join? i would love to watch movies with you,” he was quick to say.

you winced. he wasn’t getting it. you weren’t up for sex tonight. hanging out with him, no matter what it was, always ended up in a frenzy of tearing each other’s clothes off and trying to be as quiet as you could. you’d met him at a party over at his frat a few months ago and it had been one bad decision after the other and you had to say- you were getting quite attached to the one guy you weren’t supposed to. the no-strings-attached guy, notorious for it in the frat, in fact. an evening without that could do you some good. some distance would help push those feelings down.

“um,” you hesitated, before deciding to be blunt,” i don’t think i’m up for sex today. i’m tired and...yeah.”

his incredulous laughter came soon after, voice a question mark,”...sex? who said anything about sex. we can spend time without sex right? or is that illegal?” he ended with a forced joke, delivery falling flat.

you stayed quiet, not quite knowing what to say.

“hey babe? you there?”

“yeah,” you said quietly.

“have i ever made you feel like we only hang out for sex? is that what you think of me?” he kept his voice even, but you could hear the desperation in it.

“no! just, sometimes. we’ve never really spent time just to spend time or anything? y’know?” you answered, trying to put it in words that wouldn’t come across wrong.

“oh my baby, it was never my intention to make you feel like that. ever. i love spending time with you. so much. i wanna make it up to you right now. can i come up and watch some movies with you? for a start?”

“come up-?”

“well, i was passing by the neighborhood and wanted to see you. and then i called and you broke my fucking heart.” he says, nonchalantly.

"fine," you blew out a haughty breath, a giddy smile growing on your face," you can come up, I guess."

"give me one minute," he said, voice heaving for less than even the minute he asked for before you heard a knock sound from your door.

"just passing by, huh?" you asked as you opened the door with a teasing smile when you saw that he was wearing your favourite version of his frat hoodie (a cozy blue colour that made him look so very boyfriend), holding takeout from your favourite taco stand.

"just passing by," he repeats, "don't let it get to your head."

-

just a lil blurb bc i missed writing and i love LOVE LOVE frat! peter ok LIKE A LOT

You were now walking towards the cafeteria in search of her, coincidentally running into a strong figure. Looking up, you saw Tom, dressed in a tight-fitting white t-shirt and some worn-out blue jeans that had no business looking as good as they did on him, clearing his throat. He smiled at you sheepishly, the left side of his mouth turning up lazily, apologizing, "Sorry! I was just looking for Alana, didn't see you there."

"You never do," you mumbled to yourself before clearing your throat, and saying clearly," I was actually going to look for her as well."

"Mind if I tag along?" he asked, his pink lips pulling to one side as he shifted on his feet. Tearing your eyes away from him, you nodded as nonchalantly as you could, taking lead as you walked on.

He let out a satisfied sigh, walking alongside you. When you had finally spotted Alana sharing a bench with someone from afar, you raised your hand to wave at her, your mouth opening to call her name. But before you could utter a single word, as though in slow motion, you watched her lean into the person sitting next to her, leaving a sound kiss on their lips.

You turned to the side to look at Tom immediately. Pretty, heartbroken Tom, who looked like he had just been sucker-punched, had no air left in his lungs as he dry-heaved at the sight, his eyes watery and no trace of his previous smile on his face.

"Tommy..." you said, outstretching an arm towards him. He shook his head firmly, turning in the opposite direction to run as quickly as he possibly could. You tried to follow him, losing him only when you were pushed past by what looked like a group of frat guys that were playing around.

You yelled his name, asking some people that were around if they'd seen him. Pausing in your step, you realised exactly where he'd be. He would always go to the old bench near the drama building on campus to clear his mind whenever he was stressed or just needed some quiet. He'd told you this once in one of the tamer parties that Alpha Nu had organised.

With a quicker pace, you started walking towards the building, running up hastily until you were a few steps away, contemplating how you would handle this. Not wanting to lose your courage, you took the last few steps to him, treading lightly until you stopped just behind him. He held his head in his hands. "Tom? Can I…” you trailed off, not knowing what you were asking of him.

You heard a grunt which wasn't a definite yes, but not a no either, you noted, and so, you crossed the distance between the two of you, taking the seat next to him.

You gently patted his shoulder. "Hey."

"Hi," he said his voice hoarse enough for you to know he had been swallowing his sobs.

"Do you want to talk about it? I know you're hurting-"

"No, you don't!" he yelled, turning around so you could finally see how bloodshot his eyes were, "You have no idea how much it hurts to love someone who doesn't love you back! I'm in love with her, have been my whole life, and she- she's kissing someone-" His words were choked towards the ending and it pained you to see him so heartbroken, even if it was over your own sister.

"I'm sorry, Tom, I don't know what to say right now," you said honestly, squeezing his shoulder.

"I just thought, at some point, she'd see me, y’know? Finally. And that we'd actually be something." his voice cracked painfully,” I’m so pathetic.”

“No, you aren’t,” you rushed to defend him, meeting his watery eyes, "Look, Tom, if she doesn't see you, it's her damn loss. Anyone would be lucky to have you," you said earnestly, cupping his cheek as you wiped the tears off with your thumbs. He nuzzled his face into your hand with his eyes closed as you continued, "I mean, look at you! You're so amazing and funny and kind and anyone who has you in their life has to be thankful."

His eyes opened to meet yours, wide and doe-like in their post-teary state, and in the blink of an eye, he surged forward, his lips colliding with yours with such fervour that you were sure your heart missed a beat. Or a couple of them. You melted into him for a few, long moments, your lips pushing against each other perfectly before your brain processed anything other than the warmth between your bodies, languid and slow. 

You rested your arms on his chest, pushing him away with all your strength as you move yourself away from him on the small bench. You heaved loudly, heart pounding in your ears in deafening thuds, as you watched him through hazy eyes.

It was true that you'd dreamed of this, wishing it to happen for all the years that you’d known him, but this wasn't the way you wanted it to be.

You breathed out loudly, voice sounding alien and miles underwater even to yourself," You're vulnerable right now, Tom, this is wrong," you tried to explain yourself,” I’m sorry-”

"I know, I'm sorry, that was wrong of me," he cut in with a sigh, wrapping his arms around himself, curling into himself in a pitiful stance, and for his sake you let yourself stop freaking out about the kiss long enough to comfort him. You scooted forward, pulling him into a comforting embrace, hoping the way you hugged him made up for the amount of pain he was going through.

You were so busy making sure that his hurt didn't scar him to notice that you were bleeding to death. 

That night you went to sleep, your mind swirling with thoughts of the boy with the dark eyes and the soft lips (which you now knew from actual experience). It was not until a few days later that you actually encountered him again, having made adequate efforts to keep away from him for the sake of his pride and your heart.

You had just passed by your sister and her boyfriend, Eddie (whom she’d finally introduced you to) and were making your way to the campus library when you saw Tom walking the opposite way, looking distracted. You gave him a small smile when your eyes met and with a gasp, you realised that he was going to run into your sister and Eddie if he walked past you.

You contemplated your options before deciding that sparing his feelings was more important than avoiding any encounter with him because of your stupid feelings. Besides, it wasn’t like you could avoid him forever. You literally lived next to each other and studied at the same university.

You approached him, plastering on the friendliest, least awkward smile that you could muster.

"Hi," he waved, awkwardly.

"Have you done the Intro to Economics essay yet? It's supposed to be how long?" you did your best to look confused, "That topic is really confusing, isn't it?"

"Oh uh, I haven't started yet. I think it's supposed to be around 2 thousand words? or so? It is very confusing yeah," he trailed off thoughtfully before saying, "Want to do it together?"

"Sure, in the library?" you smiled, glad to have distracted him from walking into the very thing that had turned him into a walking ghost. After that day, you might not have had any interaction with him, but you did notice him. Not that you were stalking him or anything… just keeping an eye on him.

He’d lost his usual sunny, flirty demeanour, flitting through classes silently, preferring to stick to his own company even when his friends jostled his shoulder or tried to include him in their conversations.

You sat in one of the corner tables of the library, a few reference books lying open as you struggled to tear your eyes away from Tom's when he started explaining one of the topics to you.

"...So, that signifies the law of diminishing supply. Got it?" he questioned, raising that cute, wolf brow of his.

You shook yourself out of the daze and nodded, fumbling with your pen mindlessly. "Yeah, I understood it, yeah." He chuckled, a soft and fluttery sound that made your heart clench, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. You leaned into his touch, your eyes falling close on their own accord as his fingers traced your jaw with a featherlight touch.

He smiled to himself a little, before leaning forward and kissing you with every ounce of passion he could muster. You kissed back with all that and more, all your feelings pouring into it. You pulled away, both of you breathless before he pulled you back into another sweet kiss, his hand on your jaw, tracing mindless patterns onto your skin there.

Soon, stolen kisses in the dark corners of the library turned into holding hands, exchanging looks and blushing smiles everywhere. It wasn't as though you were completely oblivious though. You for the most part knew that to him, you were barely a replacement for your sister. Whether he knew it himself or not. But you took it. You didn’t know if it made you a masochist or a terrible person, but you took everything he gave you.

Each kiss pulled you closer to him, and every word he said to you when he looked into your eyes filled your head and heart with him until there was nothing else there, him with his honey eyes and tufts of dark hair that looked almost golden in the sunlight. Loving him was easy, intoxicatingly so and you lost all your senses to it until the only remaining thing was him.

You had often noticed how his affection for you increased tenfold any time the two of you came across your sister and Eddie, sometimes unbearably so and you would feel the need to turn away for a minute to blink away the building pressure in your eyes, plastering a fake smile that soon enough became more common on your face than your real one.

Before you knew it, you'd been together like this for four months. Four suffocating months that you couldn't bring an end to because of your love for him, and it was finally Christmas. Your parents had asked both you and your sister to bring along your boyfriends to spend the holidays with and Tom had jumped at the chance the moment you brought it up.

Now you were standing at your front door, giving Tom a hug with a nervous smile. He pulled away from you, his eyes roaming as much of the room as he could see, evidently looking for somethi- someone.

You heard your mum shout," Y/n, darling, is he here?" 

You yelled back in the affirmative, hand slipping into Tom's on instinct as you walked him inside. Your mum gave the two of you a quick once-over, nodding approvingly when she saw his hand held in yours comfortably.

You shook your head with a smile as your father stepped in with your sister.

You glanced at Tom, who was conversing with your parents with an easy smile, giving them both friendly hugs, and making charming quips here and there but not without stealing secretive looks at your sister.

You sighed deeply, eyes falling to the floor when you saw him turn to her next, with a beaming smile, one so love-filled, it made you want to sob until you had no more tears left in you to humanly cry.

"So, where is he, by the way?" he asked referring to your sister's boyfriend. He looked nonchalant but you knew by the look in his eyes that he was anything but.

"Oh," your sister chuckled shortly, shrugging "We broke up a couple of days ago, actually. Figured that we wanted different things, so."

Tom's eyes gave it all away even though he expertly schooled his face to keep the smile in, glancing your way but you averted your gaze before he could catch you. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was looking forward to properly meeting him." 

Lie.

Your mum called out," Let's take this party to the dining table, shall we?" Making idle chatter, you were now sitting at the table on one side of Tom while your sister was sitting on his other side. He had his hand on your knee as he spoke to her. You were sure this gesture was to remind himself who he was with, and had absolutely nothing to do with any comforting feelings that come with being in a relationship with someone.

He stayed at your house for a few days until New Year's, popping by his own house for quick visits during the day and spending the rest with your family, and by this point, you had gotten used to waking up to an empty bed and walking to the kitchen to the sight of your boyfriend having a cup of tea with the girl he actually loved.

And at this point, you had nothing left in you. No tears, no more hurt because your heart was numb. The love you had for him was slowly drowning you and you couldn't breathe. It hurt. It hurt so much that you didn't even feel it even anymore. You were numb.

"They get along well, don't they?" your mum piped up from beside you as you stood, watching Tom and Alana from the entrance of the kitchen. You nodded sullenly and plastered a fake smile on, walking inside.

"Morning," you greeted, and you received synchronised greetings back before the two of them burst out laughing, saying incoherent things. You tuned everything out, trying to clear your head.

You met your mum's eyes from across the table and averted your gaze from her knowing eyes. Managing to get through breakfast without much interaction with anyone, you thought you had escaped but soon enough, your mom cornered you. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Mum, why wouldn't I be?" you said, faking another smile, but barely managing a grimace in front of the woman who’d raised you.

"I don't want to have to spell it out for you, Y/n. If he doesn't make you happy, you need to let him go. You look miserable all the time and it's killing me to see you like this, honey."

"I love him," you said firmly, raising your eyes to hers.

"I don't doubt that. But does he?"

Your mom's words stayed in your mind most of the day and it was soon time to take pictures, and the matching pyjamas were all ready, you and Tom standing by the fireplace as your dad brought out the polaroid camera.

You smiled for the camera, stepping closer to Tom on your mum's wishes. There was a loud flash and your dad handed you the polaroid. You waited for it to develop as you stayed in his warm grasp. When the picture finally developed, you saw his hand around your waist, a cheesy smile on his face as his eyes crinkled. You smiled equally cheesily, leaning into his arms. You put the picture aside safely, just its sight making you equally smiley and sick.

Your sister stepped into the room in her own holiday pyjamas and twirled around with a grin," How do I look?"

Your parents gave her their usual compliments and you gave her a quick thumbs up paired with a smile, your posture stiffening when you heard his voice mumble, "Perfect," from next to you. He cleared his throat saying louder," Really good."

You couldn't take it anymore. You couldn't watch your boyfriend fawn over your sister like she was the only girl in the world while you were right there. 

Later that night, you gave him the last kiss you would ever give him under the mistletoe, pouring everything in you to make it a final goodbye. You were sure there was a tear or two slipping down your face, but you didn't care as you made the moment last. Finally pulling away, you wiped your tears away quickly, ignoring his concerned eyes and raised eyebrows.

Pulling him by the hands, you called him into your bedroom and he stood there, hands in his cheesy holiday pyjama pockets, waiting for whatever you had to say.

"I think you should go home," you said plainly, your voice void of any emotion.

"I- huh? What-" He asked, his face the very embodiment of confusion.

You sighed sadly," I don't want to do this, Tom, I really don't."

“What are you talking about?” He remained clueless, running his fingers through his hair.

“I can’t,” you swallowed,” We can’t do this anymore. It hurts to do this. So much. But I just-”

He tried to pause you, taking your hands into his. "Then don't do it, baby, please. Was it something I did? You can't do this, I love yo-"

"Don't," you cut him off, pulling your hands out of his," You don't get to just say that. Not when you don't mean it. Please don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying! I mean it," He sounded desperate," I really do lo-"

"You were with me because of… her. Admit it to yourself if you won’t to me." 

"I-" He started, eyes on yours before his shoulders slumped and a defeated sigh left his lips," I was."

You gulped, everything about this harder than you'd anticipated. Both your eyes were teary and you stepped forward to place a kiss on his tear-streaked cheek. "You can leave after dinner if you want. Tell them I’m not hungry anymore."

He stared at your figure as you walked away, stepping out of the room quickly, sniffling slightly.

You'd been cleaning out your boxes in the attic when you came across the picture. You stared at it a long time, thumb brushing over the edge as you took in your face and his, all the memories rushing back.

You were so in your head that you didn't see your little daughter of six crouching beside you, peeking at the picture in your hand curiously. "Who's that?" she piped up.

You jumped in surprise," You little devil! Are you trying to scare me to death or what?" 

She giggled," Sorry, momma! Who is that though? You look so young!"

"That was... " you pondered on what to say, before deciding that the truth was always better," A boyfriend I had."

"Did you love him?" 

"Yeah," you smiled, your face swimming in reminiscence "I did."

"Then what happened?"

"Well, I realised that he was not the one," you answered, letting out a short breath as you wondered how he was doing in life right now. Pretty well, you’d assume, considering the fact that his face was on every other post you saw on Instagram and any other social for that matter. A smile made its way onto your face as you finished your sentence," Then I met your dad."

"Then you met me!" You heard a voice from behind you and both your daughter and you jumped up in surprise and a little bit of fear. You rolled your eyes at the cheeky man who knelt in front of you with a handsome grin," I am a bit of a step up from all your boyfriends, though, am I not?"

"Not really," you answered sarcastically, turning your nose up in mock-disgust, before kissing his forehead when you found him pouting," But I won't give you up for anything in the world."

Meanwhile, in an untouched dusty corner of the attic lay a yellowing piece of paper, folded neatly with a single signed phrase on it. 

For my love,

-Tommy

You had received the letter from the boy you'd once loved, two months after that fateful night all those days ago. What was in the letter still remained a mystery to you, since you'd never gathered the courage to open it, knowing that all the work you had put into moving on would be worthless if you opened it. You would be taking two steps back and that's why you put it in a box, never to be opened again.

But what was written in it was in Tom's trademark messy sloping handwriting, a few smudges here and there from what looked like splatters of teardrops.

It said:

Darling,

I'm so happy you've opened this letter. I know I've hurt you a lot. And I'm sorry. I'm really very sorry. You don't deserve any of the pain I put you through.

You were wrong, by the way, I wasn't with you only for your sister. Maybe it had started out that way, but things changed a lot. Things changed when you were the one I started falling for, love. They say you don't realise what you have till it's gone. And my realisation happened a little too late for it to matter. 

I love you, Y/n. Forever.

You don't have to say anything to this, I just had to tell you how sorry I am. You deserve better. You deserve someone that can make you smile that lovely smile and laugh that lovely laugh of yours and have all those late-night talks about things that hardly made sense, and most of all someone that makes you feel happy. And loved. I know I can't be that person, after hurting you so much, but I wish you the best, Y/n. As long as you're happy, I’m happy too. 

Thank you for all those wonderful times.

-Yours forever,

Tommy