#jatan

I think it’s this podcast perhaps? https://m.soundcloud.com/meta-station/jason-rothenberg-returns-to-meta-station

I’m holding on because I don’t want anyone else to spend time with you the way I get to. But that’s selfish and we don’t own people. it is too painful to stay. Staying means I choose this hurt. Leaving means I’ll experience hurt, but time will help, if not decide, when that all ends. And to know that and have clarity, even if it comes in this way, is worth more to me right now.

I think about how maybe this doesn’t mean the same way to you the way it does to me, but for a long time I’ve chosen people that were wrong for me and situations where I had slim chances. It was nice to meet you and know that, all along, it wasn’t because there was something wrong with me. It was because i set things up for myself that made it feel that way.

Being around you helped me unlearn all of this, and I think now I’m ready to be in something more than what I’ve been used to. Something that can turn into something serious, and for both people to be willing to accept it when it comes. It feels good to feel good, about myself, around someone I like. I just know that because of where we both are, this, and you, aren’t it for me. And since I’m already being honest, I really felt like it could have been? In the sense that, in every other way, it was so easy it felt like I was being punkd haha. But it was all so forward looking from the beginning, and with so much hesitancy and fear instead of close-your-eyes-squeeze-your-hands-and-hold-your-breath excitement that I couldn’t and can’t help but look at everything nervously, with a sense of what could be false hope. There isn’t enough here to know that if big, adult life decisions need to be made later in time, that we would make them together, with the intent of trying to keep it going. I hate having to think about things this way because we shouldn’t have to right now but ever since the first time we tried to “figure it all out” it’s been like this and, well, no takesies backsies.

It just all comes back to me wanting a little more each time and wanting so badly to ask but end up holding back because I don’t want to ask for too much because I’m scared you’ll decide it’s too much to handle and leave ( an inside peek on how my thoughts snowball and why it’s 3:30 and I’m still up trying to grapple my feelings) but i guess it’s where i feel like it’s kinda where we ended up anyway, again.

I’ve felt like I’ve been putting in more than you have, and maybe it’s me moving too fast? But I just want to know that even if I slow down, it’ll still be moving towards something we both want to last. And that’s just not how I feel this will play out, but I don’t know. It’s hard. I feel like I don’t know how you feel or what you’re thinking. I just wish you were a little more fearless in expressing these things, or maybe there isn’t anything more beyond what you’ve already said and I’m just hoping you do, and that they’re the same ones I have. I feel this way too when I ask you to tell me what you want instead of what you think is right, because I always hope that what you want is what I want, but i feel that to be untrue.

I guess I’ve realized i need more because of all that’s happening. There is less freedom to see each other the way we were able to before, and from what I can see with how things are going now, I can’t get through what is supposed to be three months more of this without feeling frustrated and resentful towards you. And I feel like for you, any more effort and this becomes a semblance of a relationship, or even an actual relationship. I know so much of what you had before and what you were like in that, that I can’t help but compare, and in doing so, have made myself, and this, all seem so small and inconsequential. It’s just an awful way to feel. It sucks because I don’t feel that way with anything else in this, especially when I’m actually near you.

JATAN: वर्चुअल म्यूज़ियम सॉफ्टवेयर

भारतीय पुरातत्व सर्वेक्षण (Archaeological Survey of India- ASI) विभाग के तहत पुरातात्विक स्थल संग्रहालयों को JATAN सॉफ्टवेयर के माध्यम से डिजिटलीकृत करने का प्रयास किया जा रहा है।

Tweet

प्रमुख बिंदु:

JATAN एक सॉफ्टवेयर है, जो भारतीय संग्रहालयों के लिये डिजिटल संग्रह प्रबंधन प्रणाली (Digital Collection Management System) के निर्माण को सक्षम बनता है। यह पूरे देश भर के कई राष्ट्रीय…