Batboys Preferences: Drunk Texts to You (Their Girlfriend)
Bruce Wayne
📱 [11:47 PM]
Bruce doesn’t really get drunk often — he’s too controlled for that — but when he does (usually at some charity gala where you weren’t there to keep him in check), you can tell immediately.
His texts are weirdly formal, even while tipsy.
He sends you overly long paragraphs like he’s dictating a board meeting, except about you.
You get something like:"I trust you’re aware you are the most exceptional woman I have ever met. Statistically, I should not have found you. But I did. And I will never release you from my custody."
(10 minutes later) "That was romantic. Not threatening. Please clarify that when you read this."
"Also Alfred says I am ‘cut off,’ but I am in complete control. Tell me if you want me to bring you dessert."
If you don’t answer right away, he follows up with: "Have you been kidnapped?"
Dick Grayson
📱 [12:09 AM]
Dick is the overly affectionate drunk.
You get a stream of texts ranging from “u up???” to voice notes of him singing whatever song is playing in the background.
Sometimes it’s selfies with strangers because “they said they liked my shirt.”
Tonight, you’d get: "AND I WAS LIKE BABY. BABYYYYY. i miss u. do u know how much i love you??? like THIS much 👐 but my arms can’t stretch far enough."
"hold on i’m gonna steal a balloon for you"
"oops guy said no balloons. i got you fries instead" 🍟❤️
He’ll FaceTime you at least three times, no warning, just to say: “Look at my face. This is your face’s soulmate.”
Jason Todd
📱 [1:32 AM]
Jason claims he’s a responsible drinker, but he’s the type to send you cryptic messages like you’re in the middle of a spy op together.
Expect blurry photos of whatever’s in front of him — sometimes you, sometimes a pool table, sometimes just… asphalt.
Tonight’s texts: "Babe. Baaaabe. Hypothetically, if I stole a motorcycle… you’d bail me out, right? Hypothetically."
"Also I love you. Don’t tell anyone."
Then:
(photo of the backseat of a squad car) "I’m fine. They said I get one call. I used it to call you. That’s romantic, right?"
"Also don’t tell Bruce."
Tim Drake
📱 [2:18 AM]
Tim isn’t much of a party guy, so if he’s drunk, it’s because someone tricked him into it.
The caffeine in his system mixed with alcohol? Unpredictable.
You’ll get texts that jump from deep confessions to random Wikipedia facts.
Tonight’s looks like this:
"Did you know octopuses have three hearts??"
"Anyway you have mine. All of them if I had more than one. Which I don’t. But if I did you’d have them."
"Wait I think bats have 1 heart too… hold on I’m googling"
He ends with: "I love you so much. Don’t let me buy another domain name while I’m like this."
Damian Wayne
📱 [12:54 AM]
Damian doesn’t usually drink — but say someone gave him one to many at an event.
He becomes blunt and unfiltered, but also oddly clingy.
His grammar remains impeccable, but the topics… not so much.
Tonight’s string of texts: "I informed Todd you are far superior to his partner. He disagreed. I nearly punched him."
"You have the most symmetrical face I’ve ever seen. It’s distracting. Stop it."
"Do not speak to Grayson until I return home. He’s being annoying."
Followed by: "I require your presence. Immediately."
(photo of his blurry scowling face) "Bring the cat."
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