I would never say that my boyfriend is an asshole and I don’t don’t like him. That’s not true… My boyfriend is an asshole and I like him so much!
- Jack, Sammy or Norman, talking about each other
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I would never say that my boyfriend is an asshole and I don’t don’t like him. That’s not true… My boyfriend is an asshole and I like him so much!
- Jack, Sammy or Norman, talking about each other

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Sammy: You know what I've always wondered? How do tall people actually sleep at night?
Jack: I know! The blanket can't possibly cover them from shoulder to toes.
Norman: It is four o'clock in the morning.
Jack: So you can't sleep, huh?
Sammy: ... is it the blankets?
Sammy, to Norman and Jack: You're my favorite coworkers, but only because I hate everyone else who works here.
Norman, seeing a black explosion in the distance: Wonder what idiot is responsible for that.
Norman, pausing and realizing Sammy and Jack are running from that direction:
Norman: ... wait, those are my idiots-!
33 with Jack/Sammy/Norman?
Jack wears the "sin" and Norman wears the "Not guilty" and Sammy's just says
"Preach, sinners"
Fancy lettering not optional

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19 with Jack/Sammy/Norman (sue me i love them)
(Buddy, me too)
They all have a couple nicknames for each other but Sammy is them the most. His favorites are "Lightbulb" and "Catnap" respectively, and no one is brave enough to ask why
Norman: My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door… I just know it. And the other one... is filming.
Sammy: [trying to push open a pull door]
Jack, filming it: Just push harder
Sammy likes Norman or Jack?
He likes both
Scratch that, he loves both, and Norm and Jack are getting there. Somewhere between friends and boyfriends, but in a comfortable way.