#jamis rambles

im in mental pain 

Every one’s staring at me ;-; 

Me: *texts them* Me, 10 minutes later: *sees they didn’t respond* *texts again* Me, another 10 minutes later, panicking: *texts a lot more to them* Me, while texting over and over: *makes up 1000 explanations they aren’t texting back* My brain: ‘Haha, give up bitch. They’re so sick of you, you clingy piece of shit.’

it was all just a prank but. was? it?? i.. dont.. i- just- fuck.

I'm always sad And I'm always lonely But I can't tell you That I'm breaking slowly Closed doors Locked in, no keys Keeping my feelings hidden There is no ease I need it to stop And I want to be able To open up but, My feelings are fatal (My feelings are fatal)How many times Must I keep it inside I need to let go And I swear that I've tried But opening up Means trusting others And that's just too much I don't want to bother So I'll keep it inside And bury it deep I know it's not healthy But you won't hear a peep

I- I’m really fucking upset. I try to push my feelings away only because I think it will make others happy, and me, I feel like it will go away if I push it deep enough. I have come to the realization, it only makes it worse.... So here I go.  I hate feeling like I’m not worth anything, like I’m just walking in circles trying to see what’s good, trying to ignore the bad that’s been so clearly in my way.   No one in real life cares. They think I can’t hear them when their backs are turned. So maybe I should stop trying to listen.  My mother acts like I hurt her feelings when I do something wrong.. But what about her? Why do I have to pay for every thing bad she does?! ... I’m done now.. sorry......