and that set a precedent, i think, because now we’re together and i always find myself drunk and emotional, crying somewhere at 1am into a bottle of vodka while you sleep in your bed thinking our relationship is healthy

but healthy isn’t waiting for the day you’ll leave me

healthy isn’t staying with you because i’m scared of being alone

and healthy isn’t you saying “that’s bullshit” to my feelings and making me feel unwanted and inferior and alone

not all relationships lead to love, and not every couple stays together forever but hearing that you’ll probably never love me was a killing blow that my heart just couldn’t handle

because if you, with your strange sense of humor and your booming laugh and your clothes that never match and your hands stained with paint and the smell of garlic

if you who laughs at my jokes, who thought i was pretty the day you met me, who thinks i’m interesting and worth spending time with

if even you can’t love me, then who can? and who will? perhaps i should move on in the hopes of finding someone who can love me the way i deserve to be loved, but i’m so scared of ending up alone again that i stay, thinking of the end every second we’re together, clinging to a relationship that’s killing me on the inside, choking back “i love you’s” because i don’t want to hear you tell me you can’t say it back

the dark / darkness. fire. open water. deep water. being alone / solitude. crowded spaces. confined spaces. change. failure. war. loss of control. powerlessness. prison. blood. drowning. suffocation. public speaking. natural animals. the supernatural. heights. death. dying. ( emotional ) intimacy. rejection. abandonment. loss. the unknown. the future. not being good enough. scary stories. speaking to new people. poverty. loud noises. being touched.

TAGGED BY:  @hopeisxverything