jake egbert (he/him. he's cis male.... for now) aka the shane to dirk harley's ryan. obsessed w speculative history and a huge name & numbers guy. works really well with jane because he's actually read the bible (to see what it was about) and will get into actual discussions about it with her*. EXTREME NERD!!! documentary lover. horrible social skills (barely talks irl).

I’m a Dave Lalonde (Roxy swap) kin hoping to find the rest of my canonmates, where the FUCK ARE Y’ALL

UPDATE: Found Rose Strider!!! @karcin9gen  UPDATE 2: Found Jade Crocker!!! @tremblingvoid UPDATE 3: Found Jake Egbert!!! UPDATE 4: Holy shit Terezi Leijon real and found!!! @grittycalligraphy UPDATE 5: HOLY SHIT FOUND GAMZEE??? UPDATE 6: Jesus fuck, found Aradia, Nepeta (@abattoirscamisole), AND Horuss somehow!!!

I’ve already found my Dirk Lal @dirkklalonde, Roxy Stri @turntechgnostalgic69, and John English (what the fuck is his blog).

A few things to note about our canon: 1. Our canon had only one timeline. You could ask Dirk about it because he knows better than I do, but there was some divine intervention going on keeping us from fucking up. 2. The trolls were swapped with the dancestors. Aradia Maryam wasn’t swapped with Kanaya, she was swapped with Porrim. 3. If you end up being my canonmate you will have to deal with me for the rest of your life, I don’t make the rules, you’ll be stuck with me.

All being said, here’s our swaps and a little something I remember (or I’ve been told from my canonmates) about each of them. Found canonmates are still listed for posterity, and who knows maybe they’d help you remember something! Please feel free to contact me or Dirk or Roxy through PMs if any of this sounds familiar!

Beta Kids: 1. Jane Harley, Maid of Space - Cottagecore as a person, general grandma vibes since she liked baking and gardening and cooking. - Bec was a rabbit that she later somehow managed to make large enough to ride into battle. Very cool of her. 2. Roxy Strider (Dave swap), Rogue of Time - Gamer girl, she became a professional streamer on Earth C. - LOUD and we love her for it <3 3. Dirk Lalonde (Rose swap), Prince of Light - Goth, a sickly little victorian child, incredibly emotionally constipated. Was quite abrasive to begin with but he got better <3 4. Jake Egbert, Page of Breath - Really tall, a generally really nice dude, maybe a little flirtatious at times but always seemed super kind. - Liked roughing it when camping, which I would have no idea about if not for Dirk (gayass).

Alpha Kids: 1. John English, Heir of Hope - NERD (affectionate), liked Star Wars then and likes Star Wars now, always a good friend and incredibly cheerful. 2. Rose Strider (Dirk swap), Seer of Heart - Snake <3, being the Seer of Heart she could see the paths of how everyone’s relationships would work out and she kept this mostly to herself but I guarantee she gossiped about it. - A disaster, she welded or something as a main hobby and her haircut was HORRIBLE considering she would only cut it when a piece inconvenienced her (ex. falls in front of her face). - Symbol was a snake (or snakes?) forming into a heart. 3. Dave Lalonde (me, Roxy swap), Knight of Void - Flamboyant, generally cheery exterior but I had a lot of social anxiety so </3 - Symbol is a cassette tape. 4. Jade Crocker, Witch of Life - Mad scientist. She was unhinged (affectionate) and broke the laws of physics as a regular Tuesday afternoon.

Trolls: 1. Aradia Maryam (Virga), Maid of Space - Incredibly sex positive individual and always encouraged everyone to be their best selves - Was in a moirallegience with Eridan and a matespritship with Vriska 2. Tavros Ampora (Aquanius), Page of Hope - Bitch. Just the absolute worst. Next. 3. Sollux Megido (True Aries), Mage of Time - Absolute misogynistic weeb but I dunno, maybe he could’ve been cool if he got better. 4. Karkat Zahhak (Sagittanius), Knight of Void - MY HUSBAND we got married and had kids on Earth C, please come home thank you - Practiced glasswork as a main hobby but was a bit of a general handyman, had burn scars on his hands from incidents involving blown glass (ow). 5. Nepeta Makara (Capriborn), Rogue of Rage - Spooky, incredibly tall but you’d have to ask Roxy for more information on her because I do not remember her that well! I do know she had very sharp claws 6. Kanaya Serket (True Scorpio), Sylph of Light - Still a fashionista but with a bit of a bitchier edge, very fun to hang around. - Sister-in-law <3 she and Rose got married on Earth C. 7. Terezi Leijon (Lelo), Seer of Heart - The definition of a gremlin, really liked art still. - She was deaf but regularly opted to take her hearing aids out so she didn’t have to listen to any of us. 8. Vriska Peixes (Pisci), Thief of Life - #girlboss, she was a little unhinged and pretty aggressive but you could tell she cared about the people that she held dear. Aradia’s matesprit and Eridan’s kismesis. 9. Equius Nitram (Taurun), Heir of Breath - None of us remember too much about him but we know he was a punk and was socially reserved. John’s the only one that truly remembers anything about him. 10. Gamzee Pyrope (True Libra), Bard of Mind - Wannabe skater boy, but he was unfortunately incredibly clumsy so it didn’t work out too well for him. Feferi’s moirail. - He was born (hatched?) blind and opted not to use a cane (I don’t even remember him having one), he preferred holding onto people to maneuver but provided nothing had been moved around he could navigate perfectly fine on his own. He tended to talk about fate and destiny as opposed to miracles. 11. Eridan Vantas (Cancen), Prince of Blood - Self-proclaimed leader of the trolls, very abrasive but he had a heart of gold on the inside. - Aradia’s moirail and Vriska’s kismesis. 12. Feferi Captor (True Gemini), Witch of Doom - True skater girl, always wore knee and elbow braces and padded gloves. Very cheery, had adorable pigtails. - Gamzee’s moirail and a very good one at that, she carried bandaids for him in case he got scraped up trying to attempt skateboarding again.

Kidswaps!