#hs kin

Although I've come to terms with the fact that the easiest explanation for all this is that I have some mental issue causing these beliefs, I do not demonstrate other symptoms often associated with delusions. My memories, while a large aspect of my "inner world", do not impact my everyday life, as I do not discuss any of this with the people close to me.

I believe that souls must exist in some capacity, and that there are universes or realities beyond the one I currently find myself in. When a soul can no longer exist in one universe, it essentially reincarnates into a new one. The people in this universe tend to have a lot of interest in reincarnation and past lives, and since the dawn of the internet there have been users claiming memories of past lives. To me, this means this world must allow souls clearer "access" to the lives they lived before. I do not know if there is any meaning or purpose behind this fact.

The existence of "doubles", with some existing in greater populations than others, can be due to many things. Firstly, some media/characters are more popular and thus more people will obviously find attachments than to something rarely discussed. Second, some characters are extremely easy to imprint upon and people may fixate upon them without being a "real" kin (no hate, just likely the truth!). Third, if there are multiple universes, there are likely universes that are extremely similar to each other with only minor deviances. I believe similar universes may cluster together, and furthermore, these may be in some way, spatially close to our current universe. In fact, its possible all media that creators conceptualize of are from realities similar to ours, and thus, something we can imagine and process.

The thing that bothers me most about all this and leads me to believe this is just some intense delusion following me for more than a decade: every character I kin has a much more exciting life and much more influence on their reality than I currently do. This is because they are characters, first created by humans, and often created to serve a thematic or plot-based purpose before being real individuals. I've explained above how I can somewhat resolve this with still believing I could be them in a past life, but it still begs the question - why did I do all that shit then, to just be some random person now? I should note my current life is not exactly unexciting - I am a scientist with some government ties and (beyond the science part) am at risk of having my life genuinely torn apart by the current administration. Plus, if all this is true, I have magical memories of being magical people, which isn't exactly textbook. My previous lives, at least the ones I can remember, indicate I may end up doing something pretty interesting with this one.

However, I still don't know why I've been all these people and if I'm meant to be someone important here, why it has to be my soul doing all this shit. There are billions of humans on this planet alone. Do all of them have past lives? If so, it's unlikely we all have major influences on other realities, unless we've all had like 10,000 goes at this and can only remember the craziest ones (honestly...possible). To me, it feels like I keep getting shoved into universes where I suffer a lot, make some major change in some way, and then usually die quickly afterwards. Not very promising for this life, and it also causes one to question what the hell the purpose of all that is or if anyone is pulling the strings. If I do just have a relatively normal, average life here....I have even more questions. I don't claim to have any idea at this point, so let me know if you have your own theories.