#jade.

How to start a podcast?

Of course, Jade had gone to the one place she was sure to find all the answers she needed: Reddit. (What?) (This was basically their modern day Yahoo Answers). She had clicked the podcasting subreddit specifically, going into a 30-minute “deep dive” about equipments and, platforms, and softwares and a buncha other stuff that kinda fried her attention span after the aforementioned 30 minutes. (It was an achievement in itself, really, that she hadn’t opened TikTok once) (Could she get some applause?) 

Besides, worrying and fussing more than necessary about this podcast stuff kinda defeated the purpose of trying to enjoy a simple activity with one of her besties while coping with her boredom. Didn’t it? (Just cause she was incorporating some planning into her regular life these days didn’t mean she was suddenly switching personalities into something type A like Ruby) (Pft) (Cause who would even like her if she suddenly stopped being fun and spontaneous, right?)

Jade had to honor the way the idea came about: From a quick exchange with Daiyu that ended up snowballing into something big afterwards. You know, the way thoughts usually gained traction in her mind, fast and without much consideration. (Like, deciding to earn her stripes as a Bloodworth slayer only to end up releasing an elder vampire into the world) (Or going to a zombie farm armed with nothing but a gun after hearing whispers of an organ harvesting business) (Or… hey, hold up. What was this? Wasn’t this part of a fun, lighthearted moment between buddies?) (Why was she suddenly harping on the bad stuff?) (So rude?)

Forget about… her greatest flops, (all… two of them) (shush), time to focus on the very special occasion: The first recording of her and Daiyu’s pre successful podcast.

Everything was perfectly set up around the house to make her co-host comfy. First of all, (and probably the most important detail here), the little curtains on her artistic nudes were all pulled to hide the extreme sexiness in them, respecting her friend’s wishes to keep some things private and secret from each other. On the dining room table (i.e, the operations center), she’d placed a few different bevs: Water. Sprite. Wine. Some fruity beers, anything they might be craving in case they thirsted (Regan’s suggestion). 

She’d also offered Daiyu the one regular wooden chair they had, while Jade had sat in the comfy, intestine looking one. (And sure, she could’ve told Daiyu to bring her own seat, as it used to be their policy when they first moved into the house, but those rules were reserved for associates and acquaintances only, not podcast cohosts slash besties).

As for the equipment set on the table, Jade had bought some cheap microphones just to really enhance the experience and make it feel real, (even though EricShawn’s comment on Reddit said they needed no special accessories to get going). She also had her laptop open with some free podcasting software recently installed, and she’d borrowed a diary, um, sorry, a notebook from Regan, where she would pretend to write the “thoughts” she wanted to share. They were pretty much ready to hit record at this point. 

She glanced at Daiyu across the table, flashing her a huge grin in excitement and bouncing in her seat. It was super nice to have her friend come over, but it was even better when it was with the intention of starting something… new. Different. Entirely removed from well, everything that had bonded her and Daiyu in the first place. (The D word) (She didn’t even wanna bring it up) (She couldn’t. Not without ruining everything by opening the doors to future spirals). 

What Jade did open instead was the recording program, studying the screen in silence for a beat. (Yup, she knew where every button was; she had this) (But also, wow, was she finally understanding what it felt like for the likes of Emilio and Regan to discover emojis and apps?) (It turned out, she wasn’t always gonna be tech savvy, nope. Which was a spooky thing to even put out into the universe). 

“We should do that thing, where people leave the first few minutes of the recording to pretend they’re having a total normal convo, and then they’re like… Oh! I didn’t realize we had started. It makes it feel unrehearsed,” Jade suggested, her face totally straight. Then again, how unrehearsed could it be if she had just brought it up? (She could definitely sell a spur of the moment kinda thing, obviously, the thespian that she was, but the idea of the podcast was to be authentic and real, right? That was how they were gonna get all those listeners, and be nominated for a Golden Globe down the line).

“Oh, oh! One other thing. We’re gonna need an intro song. It has to be banging, but short. So people can play it at 1.5 speed and still vibe, but not skip.” The people in question was only Regan, most likely. (Though she was definitely stealing Emilio’s phone and playing it for the numbers, too). She didn’t mind going over tons of royalty free music until finding a decent one anyway, but she expected Daiyu would have some thoughts on the opening, she wasn’t one to shy away from opinions. Not that they needed to have all of that figured out, obviously. She was just getting ahead of herself here, and she knew it (story of her life, too hyped about everything) (Jumping to the next idea before even letting the previous one sit with her for more than a beat).

She reached for one of the empty plastic cups on the table and poured herself some water from the filter pitcher. She needed her instrument moisturized for this. 

—

Podcasting with a friend was something that sounded so stupid and mundane that Daiyu would not have come up with the activity as a reality all on her own. Though she could be fanciful and in for stupid things, there was something about this particular activity that seemed like it could only exist in a world where she was friends with Jade. Which happened to be this world, which was something that she was increasingly grateful for. If there were alternate universes, there had to be those where Jade and her weren’t friends. How fucking depressing. (Alternate universes were one of her topics.)

Though her trust in Jade had been cemented when she had asked the slayer to look after her dog (and squonk) when she’d been in hospital, it had been reinforced recently. Something about entrusting the other with her worries about both her would-be murderers had been strangely comforting. And while she wasn’t sold on ‘talking’ being the fix-all for everything, she knew that talking to Jade about the bad stuff could be a good thing. Talking in a microphone for an audience about the silly stuff? That could only be fun.

Besides, Jade needed distraction. Where Daiyu had become a recluse when recovering from her altercation with Cass and had healed up in the hospital alone (a wish Jade had respected), she understood that the other wanted something else to do. Hunters weren’t made to sit alone. Much like dogs, there was a need for stimulation if they wanted to avoid depression and other mopey moods. When trained for a constant influx of violence and combat, avoiding it made life suddenly seem strange. She remembered that, from the long recovery time two years ago. How she had to take movement easy, how she had to adjust her ways, how she suddenly couldn’t even walk as long as she had before. She had gotten back into it, tired of watching reruns of TV shows and old movies, sooner than was wise. But she hadn’t known what else to do. And there were the bills. The bills that just kept coming.

But Jade had a Regan. Jade had the room for a break, if she took it. Maybe Daiyu could have had that room too, if she had taken it, but she had found asking the slayer to watch her dog for a few weeks had been too big an ask already. They were closer now, though. Should something like that happen again, she might reconsider. For now, she was just glad to be here to offer distraction for Jade and do something fun.

She grinned back at Jade, nodding. “Totally. Totally. I mean, I’m super good at casual conversation, you know that. Like … the weather, and uh … how the kids are. How’s work? Et cetera. What’s our name again? Or were we undecided? Something with stream of … unconsciousness? Ha!” She thought for a moment, humming. “Or … something with gems, right? We have too many good ideas. We should just record multiple intros with all the potential titles so we can make sure we have all of them.”

The idea of an intro song had her sitting up, nodding avidly. “For sure! Something with a sick guitar riff. Energetic. Bwah-bwah-slam-boom-cymbal!” She made some more sounds to imitate what she was thinking of, but her musical talents left something to be desired. “It can come in after we did the intro. Oh shit, right … intro.”

If this was how they were going to introduce their podcast to the world, they had to do it right. Daiyu pulled her notes closer to her. She’d written it on a frozen pizza box she’d fished from the recycling, as she had no actual writing paper in her house. There were multiple scribbles on the inside of the cardboard, and she frowned a little. “Right, so I was thinking of doing a pseud. Darla, Daria … something like that? But that’s a workshopping thing. Just not a people with my name around, thanks mom.” She grimaced. “Damn, I’m already yapping. Not nervous, or anything.” A little bit. This was different from her burger posts online, after all. This went deeper. 

Once Jade was done pouring herself a glass of water, she reached for the pitcher as well to pour herself some. She’d usually go for the Sprite, but she didn’t want to burp in at least the first ten minutes of the podcast. If they were going to have any listeners besides Regan, she wanted to make a good impression. Scratch that, she wanted to make a good impression on Regan too. Daiyu took a sip. “Should we start?”

—

Jade cackled, mid sip, at Daiyu’s words. Oopsie. Water spilled down her chin as a result, but it wasn’t enough to make like, a total mess on the table. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, then she set her cup on the table. “Listen, we could definitely have a whole episode about the weather and how it gets a totally unfair rep, cause it's actually a super underrated way to break the ice, don’t tempt me with a good time!” Like, they could start talking about favorite seasons, which would no doubt go into a whole debate of hot versus cold. (She was team cold, shockingly, just cause she found winter the most romantic of seasons) (But that didn’t mean she didn’t enjoy looking smoking hot during the summer, duh!). Or, if they started with Spring, they could talk about all the flowers (she was a gardener now, you know?), and if they chose fall instead, they clearly had to talk about what made a perfect crunchy leaf. (And their favorite pumpkin flavored food). She could go on forever! Cause it was such a vast topic, she wasn’t sure how anyone could find it dull.

But sorry, where were they, though? Oh! Shoot, they hadn’t picked a name yet, Daiyu was right. That was like, a huge part of the brand, wasn’t it? They couldn’t just be “The untitled pod with Daiyu and Jade” like she’d saved their file on her computer forever. “I think we can probably figure that one out on the go, right?” Jade suggested, not cause she didn’t have ideas now, (one of her tentative titles was “The everythingburger” you know, cause they were gonna be the opposite of a nothingburger podcast, and Daiyu loved burgers and…it was pretty self-explanatory) (Then again, people might get it confused with the everything bagel, which was sort of a sore subject in this household, especially for Regan, who didn’t… trust their… false advertising). 

Usually, though, with creative stuff like this, Jade was almost positive they were gonna strike gold while recording. Someone was bound to make a joke that was just too good, and that would snowball into iconic status, which they could use to name their podcast, it would all work out. “Besides, you always hear people recording their intro separately, you know? In that case, multiple intros are totally happening, for sure” Jade nodded confidently, cause that sorta settled the issue of their song too, didn’t it? It could also come later, once they’d figure out their vibes post-recording. Everything was so easily clipped and edited these days anyway. She definitely agreed with Daiyu that it had to be a little bit rock and roll punch to it. Guitars, drums, all that. 

Jade moved her mouse to click the record button, but something about Daiyu bringing out her notes written on a pizza box stopped her in her tracks. She let out a delighted laugh, eyes widening as she rose from her chair to get a peek at her friend’s writing. “I love this, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it,” like she didn’t have notes to show for, so she couldn’t even claim she’d written them on paper like the normies. (All her best ideas drifted in and out of her consciousness, wild and free, she didn’t wanna ruin her creative process.) 

The look of amusement on her face dimmed into a serious one, as Daiyu mentioned she wanted to use a pseudonym. And yup, considering she had a whole werewolf opp trying to find her to get revenge, it was a super smart move on her part. “Daria definitely works, total millennial icon,” she smiled, gaze drifting upward while she considered her own fake name. “I think I’ll be Jane. I mean… It makes me think of Tarzan, which makes me think of its iconic soundtrack, it’s just perfect.” And sure, maybe she didn’t need a fake name cause Jade wasn’t a rare name, but she could still hear her sister nagging her about privacy and protecting herself and her family and just… UGH. Whatever. Sometimes Ruby made good points. (Once or twice!) Daria and Jane it was. (It added to the air of mystery she had mentioned she wanted after all) (Keeping her fans guessing and theorizing and all that). 

Jade wasn’t nervous, if anything, she was buzzing with excitement, her leg bouncing restlessly, from all the energy she hadn’t spent in over a week. There were so many things her stupid injury didn’t let her do. But that didn’t mean she didn’t consider Daiyu’s feelings on the matter. “We’re gonna be great, babe. Once we get the hang of it, it’s literally gonna flow like any of our non-recorded convos,” she took another sip of water, clearing her throat after. “But yup, we’re all ready to go…” she mumbled, cursor hovering over the button. 

—

She let out a laugh at the sight of Jade spilling water. “Did you learn to drink only today?” The teasing note in her voice was kinder than it was with most others, though it was not said with any less determination. “Oh, damn, sure — but it’d be a debate, because I totally think that’s a lame conversation topic unless we’re talking extreme weather and besides, why should I wanna break the ice? I don’t wanna talk to most people. But it’s probably more entertaining if we disagree on the topics we talk about rather than agree on everything, right?”

Going with the flow and seeing where they ended up was an approach that sounded like music to Daiyu’s ears. She wasn’t big on planning, and the fact that she had brought notes (even if they were written on a pizza box) was already more preparation than she had initially thought herself capable of. Jade and her had iconic conversations most of the time, anyway. There were very few holds barred between them, streams of consciousness combining in the strangest waterfalls there were. She loved talking with Jade. She tolerated it when it was about serious things too, and could even find some merit in it.

“Alright cool, yes, we just go with the flow and record the intro after. Smart, anyway, because I got no fucking clue where we’re gonna end up with this episode. Like, no offense to both of us, but we’re not really predictable in our yapping. That can be a theme, even. Like, no one ever knows what an episode is gonna end up at.” She grinned. There were some conversation topics lined out on her box, but she was not set on using them all, or even one of them. She just did not want to fall silent and have nothing to talk about all of the sudden. Even though there was a security she felt around Jade these days, she still was a little bit nervous about fucking this up. 

“I didn’t have a notebook,” she explained, gesturing at the cardboard. “Who needs them anyway, when so much is in cardboard, right? I am an environmental — we need to stop yapping and start yapping on record. I’m saying too much that could be content.” She said the last word with a hint of sarcasm, and the twang of a Valley-girl-influencer. 

Jade decided she’d be Jane, and Daiyu put the name on her cardboard box. She needed to remember that, because messing up a friend’s name, even if it was a fake one? That was a no-no. Their listeners would start thinking that they weren’t even real friends if she forgot Jade’s name (which was Jane). “Jane and Daria, that’s awesome, yep. We’re going to be the next mysterious it-girls.” Truth be told, she had no idea what kind of audience came with a podcast and who the big podcasters in the world were. Daiyu did not listen to podcasts. She’d tried, but she hated listening to people talk without getting to butt in.

She beamed at Jade, nodding. “We fucking are,” she said decidedly. “Three … two … one …” 

—

Jade took the playful jab about her clumsy motor skills as intended, matching Daiyu’s vibes. Her eyes widened in fake surprise. “Actually, I did, how did you— Just before you got here! Normally, I love cute straw, but I wanted to make a good impression,” the edge of her mouth curved in a sarcastic smile while she reached for a napkin. She gently dabbed the droplets on the surface, maintaining the idle motion even when everything had dried. (That was, until she felt a twinge of pain that reminded her she was injured) (Just cause she refused to wear the sling didn’t mean the strain disappeared, weirdly enough). “And oh, we definitely need a both sides of the argument kinda vibe for the podcast, totally,” she nodded. Then again, she never liked it when the co-hosts could never seem to agree on a single thing, and everything was rebuttal after rebuttal. (It made her wonder how they even got along outside of recording). 

Jade figured she and Daiyu would find a good balance, though. (Unlike all those other hosts). Like, for example, she was definitely gonna add that weather episode to the calendar (in her mind), cause she wanted to hear more about Daiyu’s opinions on why breaking the ice was unnecessary. (In her totally unbiased opinion, the ice should always be broken). That didn’t mean she was gonna act like an immovable object if a decent take was presented to her. She figured that was pretty important too, being curious about where the other was coming from. (People lacked genuine curiosity nowadays, it was so annoying) (But wait, this was moving to a whole different topic and mood, she better not go on that tangent) (Only breezy and fun were allowed this evening).  

She tracked Daiyu’s movements when she gestured to the cardboard slash makeshift notebook. Her eyes were bright and amused, trying (and failing) (of course) to read those words upside down. On her end, she had nothing to say about her friend’s scrappiness. Daiyu had needed something to write ideas on, and she found it! Good for her. She literally had the most ranger approach possible to her problem (what with their wilderness survival and all), and she was saving the environment while doing so. The Bloodworth-Kavanaghs were usually more about plastic and paper (on account of Regan’s… explosive hiccup issue), so zero judgment, on the contrary, an idea sparked in her mind. “That’s gonna make great merch sometime, you know… like a little notepad with a pizza box design,” and you know, maybe she was gonna be good at this podcasting thing, for more reasons than her conversational prowess.

But right, right. Daiyu made a valid point that they were wasting their wonderful and witty remarks by not pressing record just yet, (then again, an argument could be made that she had fountains and fountains of yap sauce that always replenished) (like a free refill), so with their fake names decided on, there was nothing else to figure out. Nothing else stopped them from taking the first step toward stardom. The real show could finally start. 

Jade clicked the button, leaning closer to the mic with a grin that transferred to her voice. “Is this thing on?” she joked, glancing at Daiyu. “I just…always wanted to say that,” she schooled her giddiness into a more professional expression, taking a steadying breath before going for real. Sorta. “Hi, I’m Jade. I mean Jane! I’m Jane.” she winced, shaking her head. “It’s fine, people always edit these bloopers out, it’s gonna sound super smooth in the final cut,” she reassured Daiyu, drumming lightly on the table. She tried again. “Hello, everybody listening, I’m Jane, your soon to be favorite host, here with my friend Dai— ria, Daria. My cohost in this new and exciting adventure,” she’d never felt nervous about announcing herself to the world, and this wasn’t gonna be a first time kinda deal, but the excitement was making her a bit jumpier than usual. (Which was… already the baseline). 

“Welcome to the best podcast this town has ever heard. We’re so excited to get started…We’ll see where this stream of consciousness is gonna take us, but this is a ride we’re all in, together,” she smiled, looking at the computer screen. Yup, still recording. The initial not nerves melted quickly, and it became easier for Jade to ignore the mic in front of her and act like she was catching up with another pal. “We can promise you’ll only hear us yap about super relatable content, cause we are two girlies who have great opinions,” she nodded confidently, taking a look at Daiyu. Mind you, this whole speaking to an audience that wasn’t there wasn’t a new concept to her (totally normal and adjusted), but she wondered how her friend was gonna feel about it. If the urge to cringe was gonna get the best of her, or if she was gonna ease into it like they had hypothetically discussed. “Anyway, this isn’t a solo podcast, I need my partner in crime for this. It’s weird to say hi when we’ve literally been talking for like half an hour already, but hi… Daria, how’s it going?”

— 

Jade started the recording and for some funny reason, Daiyu felt nerves course through her body. Just for a second, the wave of itchiness parsed through her from her toes to her organs, stirring her. She didn’t want to analyze why this was somehow making her feel some kind of self consciousness, why her body was first to realize that she was nervous about this rather than her mind. Jade and her were just going to talk and share it with the world under pseudonyms — what was the big deal?

Her mind tried to push away the worries by insisting that there was going to be no way that this podcast would get any more listeners besides Regan (and perhaps Madison). That while there was a chance for it to go viral, that chance was slim. And even if it would break containment, there were the fake names they were using and the facelessness of their podcast and really, what did she have to fear? The people who wanted her dead already knew that she was in this town. Her father did not need a podcast to find her, should he ever put in the effort for the daughter that disappeared. Her sister … well, maybe she should let her sister find her, considering the grief that was ruining her. She tried to ease away the worries.

But still, this kind of potential exposure, this chance at being witnessed by people she did not know, was unbecoming. There was a cocky part of her that thought the whole world should hear her and Jade’s takes on every subject there was out there, but there was a smaller part of her that was a coward. She wanted obscurity. To be unseen. To not even live in memories. The pictures she took of herself were far and few between because of that, for one. She did not want to exist in a capacity that could be immortalized.

Jade started and she smiled all the same, because it was still Jade. The nerves settled in her gut, but Daiyu sat up in her chair and looked over at her fellow podcast host. When she messed up her name, her nerves jolted, tugging at her gut. How easy was it to edit these things? She had no idea how to go about that. She knew how to cut a video, but this was nothing like that. She trusted Jade, though. Even with something as complicated as editing software.

She let the slayer prattle on for a bit before jumping to the mic. “Yep, Daria here! As sunny as the titular animation character and always right. Super excited to be making my way to your ears from the mic,” she said, gaze moving from the microphone to Jade. “I’m doing grand! Like I said, excited for all this and ready to start dropping some big truths and massive opinions. Still riding the high of my dinner last night – got some take out, which you guys will hear us speak about a fuckton, that’s for sure – and now here with you. How are you doing?” She leaned back from the mic, working her jaw and widening her eyes to Jade, as if to say whew! It was absolutely uncomfortable, speaking like this. “Fuck, I feel like a TV show host. Am I putting on some kinda accent? I promise I don’t usually sound so chirpy and shit, guys.”

—

It turned out that Daria’s register was like half an octave higher than Daiyu’s everyday speaking voice. Interesting! Jade listened to her as she introduced herself to their audience, half wondering if it was just the excitement doing something to her vocal chords, or if this was all part of the Daria act she was putting on. And actually, Jade really loved the commitment if that was the case. A woman who cared about her craft. (And shoot, why didn’t she think of that first?) (This was the ideal opportunity to try on a British or Australian accent) (Oh, naur. Could they start from the beginning?). “You’re doing amazing,” Jade quipped into the mic, giving her friend a thumbs up after Daiyu equated herself to a TV show host. Cause honestly? That would’ve been just as cool. (So maybe this could be a stepping stone for that) (Not to get ahead or anything, but clearly, they were gonna blow up on the internet) (Stardom was just around the corner). 

“It might take us a little while to calibrate, you know?” Jade continued, further relaxing into the chair. (So much so, that it was kinda incompatible to keep talking while she was so far away from the mic) (She trusted her loudness to travel the distance, don’t get her wrong, (like, please, she was affectionately called a human foghorn), but for Daiyu, it was gonna look like she was yelling at her the whole time) (And how could people have a convo when one of them was raising their voice like that?) (Onyx should take notes). So, she picked up the mic off the table and brought it to her. She held it like a glass of wine, slightly tilted to the side. “It’s always super freaky to go back on podcast episodes and see how contained some of the hosts sound, right?” Like! Easing up in front of the mic had taken Jade a while, too! (Three minutes were practically an entire lifetime, by her standards). 

Like with all things in life, she figured they just needed some kinda lubrication first. “You see it on TV too. Cause usually shows and characters hit their stride in season 2,” she could feel the itch of a tangent under her skin. Cause don’t get her started on TV shows. (She’d gotten to catch up on so many things while her arm healed) (And by that, she meant that she’d watched the same 3 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy that ended with her fave character dead). “All of this to say, please don’t get attached to our pilot vibes, we’re definitely about to get rowdier. We’ll let loose soon,” she promised her invisible audience, but also reassured Daiyu. (Should she need it).  

“Oh, but to answer your question,” Jade perked up, gesturing at Daiyu. (Even if this wasn’t a video podcast) (Not yet, at least) (Or ever, cause of the “wanting to protect their identities” of it all) (But right, even if this wasn’t a video podcast, no one was gonna get in the way of her gesturing dramatically). This was supposed to be a podcast where people didn’t talk over each other, but heard themselves instead. Cause she didn’t want the listeners to get annoyed at them. (Well, except for when they inevitably blanked on a very obvious thing and the audience shouted at them through the phone, all frustrated, expecting to feed them the word telepathically). 

What were they— Oh, “I’m doing so good today,” not a lie, in comparison to how she’d felt during the days prior. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long. Thank you for doing it with me, babe.” She’d wanted to do so many things for so long, but the problem always was that the fuel lasted her for about three seconds, and she wasted them on daydreaming. (Kinda like those periods of time where you only play The Sims as a dress up games to make cute people and then quit, not bothering to get to the actual gameplay) (In fact, her sim Regan and Jade (the new version) were still waiting to move to a lot). 

As tempted as she was to rehash her morning routine with Daiyu and now the audience at home (cause another chance to gush about Regan and her cats and all their domestic bliss was always welcomed), Jade refrained from sharing it. Cause like, what if Daiyu’s werewolf foe (who was clearly gonna end up becoming a fan of the podcast) knew her partner and put two and two together, and all of this fake identities stuff was for nothing? (Nope) (Privacy was definitely the way to go). She let out a laugh, thinking back on what Daiyu had mentioned before. “Okay, but if we were TV show hosts, I’d wanna be like Kelly Clarkson, duh,” cause her talk show was clearly just an excuse to do karaoke, and wasn’t that just a genius idea? “Oh! Or I guess, Drew, she’s fun too,” she nodded, eyes suddenly sparkling. “Does Ziwe count? You’d be an amazing deadpan host.” 

—

She watched Jade lean back and pick up the mic like a real professional and snorted a little. She did make it look effortless, the way she lounged like those people in podcast snippets on her For You page. Daiyu had a cutting thought for a moment that Jade would make a good media personality, and not in the way she would say to exaggerate to go along with her enthusiasm, but in a genuine way. The thought was followed up swiftly with all the things she imagined Jade could have been besides a hunter and food deliverer. Suddenly Daiyu wanted to ask her if she had ever dreamed of being anything but a hunter and what she’d be if that was the case. (Her suggestion would be a writer for TV who also got on podcasts, like those snobs at HBO.)

“Sure will! Gotta find the right cadence. To find out how not to interrupt too much but also how to not interrupt too little. Because this girl will just keep talking if you don’t stop her, and I love her for it.” Daiyu was a little taken aback by the ease with which she said it, the L-word a rare and hard-earned one for her. Something about the flow of conversation and the general simplicity of the statement had gotten her there though, and she was not going to backtrack it now. That would be even weirder than casually saying she loved her best friend, which already felt quit weird.

“Like this. Do not get her started on television shows. I think if there’s something like biology or gene studies of television, that she’d be the fucking master student at it. Dissecting it all, on meta and all other levels. Food for a future episode, maybe?” She leaned closer into the mic. “Food is where I shine, by the way. That is where I am the master, don’t let her deceive you.” It was a little strange, talking to this audience that was invisible and didn’t exist yet. The closest they got to having one was probably the cats, though Daiyu was very much certain that they did not speak English.

She listened as Jade talked about how she was, the word babe reverberating in her chest a little. Someone having petnames for her was not something she had quite gotten used to yet, even though Jade used them quite frequently. Daiyu nodded, something the listeners at home (which were only hypothetical right now) could not see. “Well, I’m just happy to indulge you.” 

She frowned at Jade’s question, thinking it over. “Hmm… See, you would be a great Kelly. Maybe you should do a singing segment. I have only seen the clips of her singing though, so that’s what I think her show is like. I don’t watch a lot of TV show hosts kinda shows, though. I mean, people talking? Usually kinda boring. They’re just blabbing. So a deadpan one, for sure. I’d be way too rude for most guests, so I’d end up with some really weird ones. I know who I wouldn’t be, though. Ellen. I may be a lesbian, but I’m never going to sink that fucking low. Though when she kept scaring her guests …. I’d do that. Traumatize them and send them back.” She chuckled. “That I could get behind.”

—

Daiyu chimed in with her own comments about finding their groove and why that might take a few recordings, and Jade nodded along in quiet agreement, gaze focused on the little clock showing their current runtime. (She felt so profesh like this). Until her friend teased her about the never-ending talking she did, and earned another big cackle from Jade. (Maybe she was gonna have to turn down the volume on that when she was in her editing flow) (cause if she wanted her listeners to listen maybe she should care for their eardrums). She brought the mic to her lips, almost touching the thing as her voice dropped to low, secretive tone, “she’s keeping me in check, you’re welcome,” she joked back, head tilting to the side while she held onto a little more than just the humor behind Daiyu’s quip. “Aw, she loves me guys,” and the bright, warm look Jade regarded Daiyu with in response left no room to contradict that the feeling was two hundred and eleven percent mutual. 

It had always been the norm, to be the person who always chased after affection (reasons unknown). The toll it left on her wasn’t something she easily recognized. (Cause why would there be a toll for something that seemed innate in her? That was kinda unfair). Until someone said those three little words like Daiyu just had, carelessly and unguarded, and her whole belly swooped. A huge tension on her shoulders eased (how long had that been accumulating for?). But Daiyu loved her. Even after she had seen her piss poor combat skills (that she proceeded to shape up into something decent). After they joked about Jade’s girlfailure ways. After she’d shown Daiyu a version of her anger that Jade kept hidden from the world. Still, Daiyu said she loved her. It didn’t hinge on how good Jade was at plunging a blade into someone’s gut or a stake between their ribs. Or how strongly she believed in her duty. And geez, Jade really didn’t hear the word love that often, didn’t she? (She hadn’t heard her brother say it in—) (And Regan aside, obviously) (But again, that had been part of their relationship too at the beginning, wasn’t it?). She’d crafted her perfect little assortment of friends who were incapable of voicing their affection and could only somewhat show it, for whatever reason. (Was that on her?) (Was this some kinda unconscious thing shrinks would’ve loved to call her out on it?) (All this time, she thought she was doing this based on the best vibes) (Were the vibes… rancid?). 

All of this to say, hearing Daiyu’s comment was as nice as it was strange, and for a beat there, Jade didn’t know what to do with her hands or the sudden burst of energy those words elicited.  

She kept her giddy smile in check just as she did the assortment of teasing remarks already snapping into her mind, cause Daiyu was speaking again, and Jade wanted to be a good co-host, remember? “YES! Don’t get me started on tv shows, but I will get started one day, trust,” oh the possibilities were truly endless. “And we’re definitely gonna have several food related episodes, cause we’re gonna squeeze every last drop of material we can get out of this one,” like obviously, they were gonna have to do an episode about the best burgers in town which could then flow into them discussing ideal bread to content ratio, something that kept her up at night sometimes. (Cause some of those TikTok famous recipes were absolutely wild, and it pissed her off) (Put the sliced bread away and get some real bread!). And Daiyu wouldn’t have to disclose her private Insta for rating burgers or anything, she just had to come ready to dive deep into the sauce. (Mm, they should totally order food after they were done recording).

She sipped some more water (lubrication always!) while Daiyu spoke on the different talk show models. Jade definitely would’ve wanted some kinda signing segment in her show, that was true. (Probably not karaoke, cause like… people would call her out on it) (But also, all publicity is good publicity if you’re starting) (She could win back a few angry Twitter haters in no time, right?). “Right, cause that’s so true. All those shows are obviously all super scripted, plus their publicist makes sure to plan everything for some viral moments.” 

Her eyes widened in amusement when Daiyu brought up Ellen, happy to hear that her friend was planning to be a different kind of talk show bully. Phew! (Cause the problem wasn’t that Ellen was a bully, per se, it was just that she sucked in general) (So Daiyu would totally do better than her) (She had way nicer hair, too). “Actually, that reminds me of that show, Punk’d, maybe we need more prank hosts back on TV,” something told her Daiyu would even be down for the mean spirited stunts. And actually, her kinda talk show should just be her meeting different people at some parking lot and chatting, then fighting. Proper entertainment. Jade let out a chuckle at the mental image, “we’re trying to be like the greats, but also on our own right, you know? Not reheating anyone’s nachos, cause we’re way too cool for that.” 

She looked over to her right, sensing some movement. Lullaby crept toward her, wondering what the fuss was about. Her adorable little face screamed FOMO. (Of her two— correction, three babies, she would be the most interested in fame, wouldn’t she? She was just like momma). Jade lowered her hand, wiggling her fingers to call her over. She waited for her baby to approach, and when she was within reach, she scooped her onto her lap. (Her bicep protested, but she ignored it). She had to do a bit of adjusting given the shape of the chair, but the content purr was totally worth it. Sometimes, she really believed she had the clingiest cat in the world. 

Jade’s face scrunched up a beat later, cause actually, yup, that’d been a little dumb. She inhaled sharply, letting some of that crispy oxygen slow down her pain reaction. (It was fine, she could edit the moment of silence as well as the tiny meow Lullaby had just let out). “Oh… you’re probably wondering why we decided to start a podcast now. I mean, yapping opportunities aside. Let me start by saying this whole idea came to fruition cause I’m currently recovering from a little injury,” she rolled her eyes and scoffed, “which, isn’t that super annoying? We don’t talk about this enough.” By we, she clearly meant other people. Society or whatever (not to sound like The Joker). She talked about things more than enough. But actually! She had more feelings to get off her chest. 

“You spend most of your days wishing for some free time, and then when you have it, it’s like… uncomfy. Weird. But maybe that’s just me needing flashy things to happen every single second of every day,” she shot Daiyu a questioning look. She didn’t wanna put Daiyu on the spot by bringing up her time in the hospital, but like, she could probably relate to that feeling of being stuck. (Jade wasn’t stuck stuck, she could do almost the same things as anybody else) (Except for the one thing she was born to do, so didn’t that leave a huge gap in her schedule? Wasn’t it irresponsible to fill it with leisure?). Jade tilted her head to the side, raking her fingers through Lullaby’s fur. “You could say I’m… a little bit in my depression era, it’s okay to be honest about that, right? I’ll probably be fine once I’m cleared,” she shrugged with her good shoulder, “I’m sure everyone knows what I’m talking about,” if she had thought this a little better (Reddit forgot to mention this tiny detail), she would’ve created an email so people could send in their own stories about being bummed out and they would become like, a real safe space. Alas, she was gonna have to settle for creating the email after they finished recording, and then add it to the description box of whatever platform they were uploading this to. (Oh! And they needed social media accounts too) (Maybe she could ask that new girl she’d met, Clem, to make some fun graphics) (Wow, that was two extra tasks, this whole podcasting journey was serious stuff!)

She flashed Daiyu a small smile, one that hopefully conveyed that this wasn’t like, meant to be a serious or depressing convo. That she was just being honest and relatable. Her eyes flickered down to the table. “Now, what is it that you have in your list of topics of the day? I’ve been trying to read upside down for like, ten minutes”. 

—

Jade echoed those words she’d said with such ease, looking at her with a warmth that Daiyu had accepted in very few other people and she felt a strange sensation. What was this podcast going to do with her? Was she going to start saying all these kinds of things so casually just because there was a need to keep an audience entertained? And was it really so bad? Because Jade was certainly someone who deserved to hear that she was loved by her, even if she struggled with the words on most days. Daiyu definitely did not mind being looked at like that, either. Like her love was something worth cherishing or having, and not just a burden. Like it was something mutual. Like this friendship was not just built on mutual benefit or good vibes, but something stronger as well.

She was glad the cameras weren’t on. That the way her gaze slowly averted from Jade’s look was not captured by anyone but her best friend. That she was given some kind of privacy in the unspoken things. Friends said things like this all the time, she figured. Throwing around casual ‘I love you’s’ as if they were confetti. But Daiyu did not. She wondered if she had said it before to Jade, even, and felt shame rise in her like bile.

At least there was the conversation to focus on. A conversation where there was no room to apologize for the walls she’d built around her or the way she felt so incapable of a proper friendship. The ‘I love you’ had passed, and so had the moment, and they were back on talking about television shows. “Food and TV, those are definitely gonna be some of the big pillars of this pod. You guys better be ready for that — especially the planned –” There was no plan. “– episode about the best TV food. Like come on, have you seen some of the shit they serve on television? We have to talk about it.”

Her mouth fell open at the mention of Punk’d and she slapped the table. “Yes, listeners, you heard right — I just had a visceral fucking reaction to Punk’d. One of the best shows they ever did. Much better than those stupid TikTok couples that prank each other every day and expect us to believe that they’re still surprised every time. We gotta bring back large scale pranks again. No scripts. No bullshit. Dude, I’d totally wanna find a way to combine Jackass and Punk’d, actually.” Daiyu pulled her pizza box towards her and started scribbling. “Revisiting old MTV shows … yes, we must …”

As the cat settled onto Jade, she put down another note: cats v. dogs as a potential conversation topic. With great struggle, she kept herself from saying it out loud, wanting to save some of the good content for future episodes, even if she was already imagining going over how they could have a good debate about having cats or dogs for pets. When Jade winced she frowned though, eyes going to her shoulder. Daiyu hoped Regan hadn’t witnessed both their disregard for Jade’s shoulder in favour of podcast topics and cat petting, and in stead reached forward to scratch the cat under his or her chin. She had no idea which of the two this was.

“Fuck, isn’t that so real? I was down under the weather for a proper period over a year ago and it gets so fucking boring, ya know? You’ll soon learn that Jane and I are not the type to sit around and do nothing. That’s why we’re doing this now. Yapping away the depression and the injury.” Using the word depression in a throwaway manner was another strange thing, but Daiyu wasn’t too bothered about it. She smiled a little at Jade, hoping that this was helping her. She was glad that she could if it was, because she still felt the weight of the debt she owed her for all she’d done after she’d been burned like a spit-roast. She knew Jade probably didn’t believe in her need to repay her, but that didn’t make the need any less real. She had to set it right. 

Daiyu looked at Jade with a grin, pulling the pizza box even closer and holding it up to read from it so that Jade could not see it. “I’ll let you in on all the things I’ve come up for today’s episode. You, Jane, but also you, the listener.”

Diving into the first subject on her list, she audibly began the pineapple on pizza debate by wondering not whether it was good, but whether more savory food should be sweet. Like a sweet burger, or a dessert sandwich. That swiftly ventured into her favorite topic: what flavor combinations were the best, going over all the duo and then triple combos. Daiyu listened with great care as Jade dived into the subject, and somehow made the topic of soggy fries part of their conversation for a good five minutes. All in all, it did not take long for the timer to reach a steady forty minutes, and Daiyu looked at Jade without saying something, wondering how long they aspired for this episodes to be. There was still a world of topics to explore, but considering one of her topics was ‘movies should not be above 90 minutes unless there’s dogs or horses’, she figured they should be reaching an end soon.

—

“Totes, like… that’s the one thing you should know about us, plus what’s a bigger unifier than food? Nothing, I say,” besides those topics were so generic that they made Daiyu and Jade way less recognizable to the huge audience they were, no doubt, about to have. (Of course, Jane was gonna be a little more diplomatic about the big soggy versus crispy fries debate when that moment came) (No one would be able to tell she rode hard for the sog). That thought alone gave her some more ideas for the title of the podcast. ‘Flicks and Fries?’, ‘Snacking and Yapping?’. Jade opened the notes app on her computer and typed those two ideas, plus an unfinished ‘something with popcorn…’ reminder for her to dig into later.  

Jade should’ve guessed that Daiyu loved Punk’d (based on the troublemaker vibes, obviously), but the big, almost child-like reaction over the mention was totally worth finding out in real time. It was super cute to see her friend super overjoyed about making others experience the worst days of their lives. Jade giggled, delighted. She moved the microphone to her face, “hard agree on those dumb couple prank TikToks, it’s just…yikes” she shuddered. Like it was one thing to lovingly tease your partner in private and have inside jokes and stuff. But those people definitely had some sorta humiliation kink to record themselves like that. She nodded in quiet approval while Daiyu added one more topic to her pizza cardboard. Yup, she’d like to revisit those MTV classics too. She used to love Pimp My Ride (back then, she used to dream of having one of those offensively pink limousines, with TV screens everywhere)... Oh! And My Crib. Yup. Something about those shows always gave her hope that one day she could have her own home, or her own vehicle, and it would cater to her taste. She wouldn’t live forever with hand me downs or following the same family aesthetics. (And would you look at her now?) (Her nude wall was twenty years in the making, inspirational).

Lullaby’s arrival prompted another bullet point down the list of topics Daiyu was brainstorming. That one, her friend didn’t share, so Jade lifted a curious brow. She loved surprises, always. (But Regan liked to say that planning could be a good thing, and seeing her friend writing things down for later, she had to hand it to her partner, this once) (Jade’s own ‘winging it’ approach was still awesome, don’t get her wrong, like. who didn’t love rolling with the punches?) (This, though, was a super helpful way to make segments for different episodes) (Some structure wasn’t detrimental, was the point. Or whatever) (Ew). Lullaby’s plan, for example, had worked exactly like she wanted it, as she was now receiving pets from two people. Just greedy. 

Jade cackled at Daiyu’s description of their… active personalities. “I bet the audience is gonna catch onto our ‘can’t stay still’ energy from all the jumping around between topics we’ve done, babe.” Their audience would be super smart. They would have heaps of media literacy. And… It was nice that Daiyu felt comfy enough to touch on her run-in with lava girl. Jade appreciated it in a way she hadn’t even considered, and she hoped her tiny, thankful smile reflected as much. Like sure, she had shared her own boo-boo story to give a little context about the podcast, but it was more of a throwaway comment than a topic that should go on the pizza box. Hunters were so bad at talking about the cost of hunting. (Even the ones that were good at talking were horrible at discerning the toll it took on their bodies) (Just look at her, she still needed to see her favorite eyebrow quirked in reprimand to take it seriously) (And mmm, she missed that eyebrow. It was probably doing all sorts of gestures while Regan worked). Even a minor mention from Daiyu about how bored she’d felt during her recovery, made Jade feel less alone (less defective) (Daiyu had a way of always making her feel fine just the way she was). 

At last, after it was dangled in front of her for hours (yes, exaggeration), Daiyu was gonna reveal the mystery of the pizza box writing (it wasn’t a mystery, she just couldn’t read upside-down text) (But still, she was just as excited as if she were being led blindfolded toward a piñata) (Sidenote, Daiyu was doing so well with the fake names. Unlike her, who would go on to struggle multiple times, to the point the audience will likely question if she had a stutter).

The pineapple discussion was one for the ages, cause Daiyu wasn’t only asking if pineapple had rights (it did, just not on pizza), it went into reimaging savory darlings into sweet treats. Jade was totally on board with a sweet burger, and a dessert sandwich. She argued that it was a lot nicer to make the sweetness pop with something savory than it was the other way around. And when the soggy fries convo was naturally brought up, she totally did have to contain full-body shakes before she launched into a passionate defense of the best way to eat fries. She was composed (sorta), and impartial (eh), and made it clear that both fries were equally valid, cause at the end of the day, potatoes were just that girl. (It did launch another equally lengthy convo about all the ways in which potatoes were the most goated veggie ever). At some point, Lullaby abandoned them, cause she was very offended that nobody liked her tuna ice cream idea in their initial sweet vs savory topic that she was so brave to share with the audience, so it became just the two of them again. 

And how could you have fries without a nice, refreshing bev? Inevitably, they had to tackle the best drink to have with your savory food. More minutes passed, in which Jade shaded water drinkers (they gave narcs vibes) (she proceeded to take a sip of her cup after), agreed about the appeal of milkshakes and fries, and finally cheered on soda drinkers for having the best take all around. A couple of extra minutes were dedicated to talking about how soda just didn’t taste the same anymore, and how they should bring back old ingredients. Then, ten more minutes were exclusively for Sprite. Then, machine made soda versus regular store bottle soda. (Cause everything tasted different, she was not gonna be gaslit into believing that the glass bottle tasted the same as the plastic bottle. Or the can to the machine) (Her taste buds knew, puh-lease).

They were nearing the hour of runtime when Jade looked at her screen again. And wow, she felt like they had just started, for real. Like, she was about to ask Daiyu what her guilty pleasure ingredients were (you know, tying it all back to the initial pineapple that kickstarted this whole thing), cause this had all been part of the same discussion. But an hour had to be a good amount of time, right? Long enough for the audience to fall in love with their lovely hosts, but also short enough to leave them wanting more. Jade did want more, and that was a good thing. They would never run out of ideas like this.