#jadded

#youmay #havenoticed #inever #use #theword #sucks #thatis #because #ifidont #likesomething #doesnt #mean #itsucks #people #belike #that #songsucks #buttheyarenot #musicians #thatsweak #imlike #ohimsorry #wheresyour #song #youdonthaveone #ha #sucksis #aword #jadded #people #use (at Americana Estates of Casco)

So I met this girl (pty),  I’m talking a little bit with her, I really like her, her thoughts, “where she came from”, a girl that I’d like to have by my side. But how am I supposed to get with her if my atitude has never changed? I haven’t felt like this since 2013 with (TDP) but this time it seems different, just happyness, with nothing else.... Just a little bit jealousy

The reason why I don't write as often as I use to is my fear of repeating the usual banter I've already said before. As complex as humans are, we, individually, have a set of qualms that stay with us almost indefinitely. In the beginning, I found that expressing my problems helped uncover what were my true motives and the views that I see the world. Now as someone who has experienced more in 3 years than I have my entire life time, it seems redundant to state my beliefs so frequently. Frankly, it's a bit depressing knowing so much about yourself because now nothing surprises or interests you. I know why am I cynical and I know why I often act the way I do. Instead, I try now to explore my surroundings and see how I adapt in social situations which lies the true problem. Because I know I'll always be shy at first, I have to let others make the first steps to connect. Sadly, I'm disappointed in how I've seen people act around me. People I call friends can quickly turn on a drop of a hat. This truth doesn't upset me anymore, it just frustrates me. With all the work I have in school, I've seen more sanctification in succeeding academically than socially. That doesn't mean I no longer want to be social. On the contrary, I consider myself someone who enjoys the company of others. What gets in the way is how quickly people move into the common stereotypes of individuals that I've met in the past. There are only a handful of people who I truly care about and who actually interest me as a person. The rest just seem like a waste of time for me. I rather work for myself, than to put myself out there for those who don't appreciate me or put themselves on high horses so that you have to put a huge effort to know them. I use to think so lowly of myself that I have to work for someone's favor. Now, I feel like they have to be the ones to impress me. The ones I actually stick my neck out for are ones who deserve it. It upsets me that there are so few individuals who have that certain quality about them that make them worth being around with. I want to have connections with other people besides those who I already have connections with because everyone knows hanging out with the same 3+ people gets boring. Yet, there is no one who really sticks out for me. I know plenty of people who I can hang out with and have a great time with, but I'm looking for something more than just a fun few hours. I want to have those set of friends who I can really put my trust into and not have to fear anything. It's in my nature that I often don't give the best first impressions and don't immediately come off as funny, sweet, or caring. Those virtues about me are reserved for those who take the time to know me and to put it bluntly, don't bullshit me. As much as I come off as self righteous, I act only to protect myself because I know there are the wolves out there waiting to tear not just my throat, but anyone weak enough to fall into their ruse. I have my faults, but now, I can say I'm comfortable with myself. If I can't connect with someone, it's their loss. All I want is for someone to step out of the line of the same old shit that everyone tries to pull on to each other and just be down to earth. I've never judged anyone whose open with me because I love honesty. I live off the brutal honesty of those close to me since that's the only way people can live happily with each other. If you can't do that, you're not worth my time.