Not at work, not in public, and definitely not in the middle of a stairwell at Grey Sloan Memorial with your scrub top stained and your chest tight from holding everything in all day.
But today broke you a little.
Too many bad calls. Too many helpless moments. Too much pretending you were okay when all you wanted was for someone to see through it.
You lean against the wall, head tilted back, eyes shut. Just breathing. Just trying not to fall apart.
And then you hear his voice.
āHey. Iāve been looking for you.ā
Jackson.
The sound of itāsmooth, low, so familiarācuts through the noise in your head like sunlight through clouds. Your eyes open slowly, and there he is. Hair a little messy, stethoscope around his neck, concern written all over his ridiculously handsome face.
You try to speak, to shrug it off, to say something like āIām fine.ā
But the moment he steps closer and really looks at you, that wall youāve built all day cracks just a little.
He doesnāt say anything right away. He just reaches for your handāgently, like he knows what this moment is. Like heās been here before.
And you let him take it.
āTalk to me,ā he says softly. āOr donāt. Justā¦ let me be here.ā
You donāt say much. Just a whisper: āRough day.ā
He nods, eyes steady. āYeah. I figured.ā
And then, like heās done it a thousand times before, he pulls you into his arms.
You melt into him almost instantly, face pressed against the soft cotton of his scrub top, hands fisting the fabric like itās the only thing holding you upright.
And he talksālow and slow, like a quiet lullaby just for you.
āYou did everything you could today. You always do. And if anyone gets to fall apart sometimes, itās you. You donāt have to be the strong one right now, okay? Youāve got me.ā
His voice wraps around you, grounding and familiar, like warm blankets and soft lights and every little thing thatās ever made you feel safe.
You close your eyes. Just breathe. Just listen.
Because itās trueāthereās something about the way Jackson speaks to you. Something in the way his voice dips when heās trying to comfort you, or softens when he says your name. Something that pulls you back when your world feels like itās spinning out.
You stay like that for a while. No one else around. Just you, and him, and the echo of his voice reminding you that youāre not alone.
That you never were.
And that maybeā¦ thisāarms wrapped around you, words spoken just for your heartāthis is what home really feels like.
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Summary: y/n had fallen in love with jackson since their 4th year of residency but Jackson never thought of you more than his Best friend so you decide to leave and move on
Trigger: None
Words: 2.3k+
A/N: i take requests! Just dm them to me or something. Also i get really into these imagines and make them soooo long lol. Let me know if you want a part 3 š
Part 1
You had been in Toronto General Hospital for about 2 and half years. You loved it in Canada. Everything was just how you imagined it. you had cases after cases and everyone was friendly and welcoming. there weren't any drama in the hospital, which was confusing at first but you slowly got used to it.
You haven't heard from anyone but Alex. he kept you updated in everything, and even asked you if you wanted to come back to seattle a year after you left but you declined knowing you weren't ready but would you ever be?
you didn't ask about how Jackson was doing. You couldnāt bare to hear the words "he's happy" from alex if you asked. You blocked him and everyone else on social media because you were afraid that if you saw his face you'd break and come back to seattle. you needed to let go of your life back in seattle. you had to let go of him
~
Alex looked at the scans of a 9 year old boy and shook his head. he had never seen anything like it. he quickly did some research if it had ever been cured and to his surprise it could. He smiled when he saw the name of the lead surgeon on the case.
"De Luca! get me (y/n) (y/l/n) on the phone! and tell her we need her here ASAP!" Alex yells at Andrew before running towards Baileys office.
he barged into her office standing in front of his then Resident now chief of surgery. " I called Dr. (y/n) (y/n/l) for a consult and possibly for a surgery. Get the chopper ready to go to Toronto General. we need her here as soon as possible" alex tells bailey before running out of her office not waiting for her to say anything
Bailey quickly Dialled the numbers needed and booked the chopper telling them to go. She knew that when alex needed someone else to consult it was serious.
~
After you received the call from alex and discussing possible treatment options you boarded the chopper that had "Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital" printed on it. You were still in your Maroon scrubs having forgotten to change into normal clothes.
Once you had landed, you quickly unbuckle and head out of the chopper. You see Alex and an Intern waiting for you. You run to alex who gave you a big tight hug which you returned.
once you pull away, the three of you head to the elevator to see the patient.
"good to see you Alex" you tell him with a big smile on your face. you turn to the Intern beside Alex, stretching your hand out for a handshake "Dr. (y/n) (y/l/n), Peds and Plastic surgeon and now Certified ENT From Toronto General" you introduced.
" Dr. Andrew De Luca, intern" he says before grabbing your hand to shake. " How do you guys know each other?I've read your articles and it was just amazing" Andrew says
" (y/n) and i go way back to our intern year." alex says " He called Mer and I a nurse" you say smirking at him "and now i call you family" alex says smiling before the elevator dinged and the three of you exit.
everything looked the same. some doctors and nurses looked at you because they either didn't know you or because you were wearing different colored scrubs that stood out like a sore thumb. you smiled at them, even waved at some who waved at you first obviously recognizing you.
The Three of you get into the consultation room. Alex hands you the scans of the 9 year old boy. "what do you think? ". you held the scans up to the light before telling him " i've only seen this twice in my whole career Karev."
"and it's only been cured twice by you (y/l/n/).that's why i called you so that you can take this case"
āI'll assist you on the surgery Karev."
"you don't wanna be lead surgeon on this case?" He asked "How are we gonna cure this if iām the only one who can do the surgery hmm?" you tell him.
"just like old times" alex says "tell them to prep OR 2 De Luca. (Y/n ) and i are gonna kick ass" he says smirking
~
after scrubbing in and getting gowned, You waited for alex to finish scrubbing in and get gowned before askingĀ Bohkee for the scalpel so you could open up the patient.
"Hows Canada (y/n)?" alex asked after around two hours of working on the patient.
"Canada is Great. i got promoted to Head of plastics 4 months ago. i run the whole thing and stuff." you tell him
" how are they treating you? are they nice?"
you laugh at Alex " they doubted me at first but they welcomed me with open arms"
" Have you seen him yet?"
Alex didnāt need to mention any name cause you knew who he was talking about.
" Iāve been with you all day alex. i havenāt seen anyone aside from you and the people we pass by" you tell him "Do you wanna see him (y/n)?" alex asked
"I donāt but i will for sure bump into him. iām not ready to see him" you tell him " suction De luca"
" we have an audience up in the gallery" Andrew says. You look behind you to see interns with a notepad and residents watching closely. You see Meredith and jo standing near the door so you give them a small wave before facing alex and continuing the surgery
"i received you wedding invitation in the mail" you tell him " i was supposed to catch a flight like 6 hours after you called, but you had other plans" you laughed
" you were really planning on going?" alex asked. " i promised you and Jo i would go, i mean i did forget my dress that i spent hours finding so id have to look for another dress not to mention i only have my phone, wallet, and stethoscope with me."
" you must really love me then" alex says laughing
" i was thinking of the patient alex. Dont get your hopes up" you tell him
~
Jackson had been busy with all his post-op patients and with his charts all day. He dropped off his charts at the nurses station and put his head down exhausted.
" Did you hear that Dr. karev is doing a complected surgery with Dr . (Y/l/n)" an intern said. Jacksons ears perked up when he heard your name and decided to listen
" Yeah. i went into the gallery earlier to watch but got paged so i had to leave. i heard Karev flew her down this morning for the case" his fellow intern said
" she an amazing surgeon in Toronto Gen. heard she worked her till they offered her a Job. I would have loved to learn from her. shes double board certified in Peds and Plastics and rumour has it sheās single"
Jackson had heard enough so he slammed his hands on the counter then heading to the OR board to see if it was true and it was.Your name was there on the board alongside karev's name. He ran to the gallery in OR 2 to see it was full of interns and Resident.
he asked how long the surgery had been going on and the Interns said about 9 hours.
~
you and alex had been in surgey for atleast 10 hours when you felt his stare. You gently stepped off your stool to stretch, not daring to look at the gallery. once you were all good you went back to your position.
"Heās up there (y/n). staring at you" alex said. " i know" you reply
" how? you havenāt looked back up in hours"
" when youāve been in love with someone for years, as crazy as i sound, you know the difference between their stare and everybody elses" you reply
~
after almost another 5 hours of surgery, you and alex finally were finished. you let De luca close but of course Alex being alex had to keep an eye on him just to make sure he didnāt mess anything up.
"you know he doesnāt need you to babysit him closing up right?" you tell alex " i know he doesnāt but i just did this once in a lifetime surgery and i cant have him mess up" he replies.
" iām gonna go and scrub out Evil spawn. i still need to buy some clothes and a new dress" you wave goodbye to alex before you scrub out.
drying your hands with the towel you exit the scrub room not before seeing alex give Andrew a lecture which you laugh at.
you didnāt have any trouble finding your way around the hospital because you knew it like the back of your hand. You turned right only to bump into the person you wanted to avoid as much as possible.
"(Y/n)"
you looked at him and noticed how nothingās changed.
" Jackson, Hi"
" Long time no see. Long time no talk " he says. " Iāve been... been busy. "you reply to him.
all of a sudden the feelings that you had tried push aside all came back. all the progress of moving on was erased just like you thought it would. you two just stared into each other like one of you would disappear.
you took in his appearance, his eyes, his eyebrows, his freckles, his lips, and his stubble. you wanted to touch him. you wanted to hug him tight but you didnāt. that's when you realized his stethoscope. it was the same pink stethoscope you left on top of his bag when you left. you were shocked that he kept it, hell you were shocked he was using it.
you were about to speak when Maggie Pierce came running in grabbing Jacksons attention.
"Jackson,I've been looking for you everywhere." she says. "(Y/n)! itās good to see you. how are things with you?" she asked once she noticed you
"Everything's good. iām head of plastics at toronto gen. its not chief but itās a start" you tell her. " are you back? like are you staying for good?"maggie's asked you
" iām just here for Alex and Jo's wedding then im off back to Canada." you say " i actually need to go. i donāt have much on me since i left everything at home. iāll see you guys later" you tell them before running to the elevator.
Hes with maggie you thought
~
you were at the ferry with all of Alex and Jo's Guests. you were sat at the back beside someone you didnāt really know but knew they worked at the hospital. you were wearing a V-neck short sleeved dress that went just a couple of inches above your knees with a small black bag and black heels.
it wasnāt the best dress to wear in the cold seattle weather but it was the only thing you could find on such short notice.
you clapped when Jo and Alex shared their First kiss as husband and wife. everyone went to congratulate them and so did you. you walked to jo and alex pulling both of them into a very tight hug.
"Congratulations Evil Spawn spawn and now mrs Evil spawn" you joked. they both laughed at your silly joke " i better be Godmother to your bean when you decide to have one "
" one at a time (Y/n)" Jo says " so are you staying a while?" she asked " i actually leave tomorrow around 4pm. i mean im head of a department now, they need me there" you reply
" how about lunch so we can catch up? at mers"
" iāll see if i can make it." you reply " go and have fun, i wonāt leave. that i can promise" you shoo them away. you walked to the rainings of the ferry. looking out of the sea. you rub your hand up and down your arms, mentally cursing at yourself for not bring a jacket.
you missed seattle. you missed working with everyone. you slightly jumped when you felt something being draped over shoulder only to realise it was a suit jacket. Jacksons suit jacket.
" you looked cold" he says standing beside you. "Thanks" you replied. you felt his stare so you decided to look at him.
"im sorry" he tells you " i was a jerk for avoiding you that week, when i couldāve convinced you to stay."
" you know it was better that you did avoid me, Jay" you confessed using the nickname you used to call him. " cause if you told me to stay, i would have stayed." you took a deep breath before continuing " you have hooks inside me that are way too far to get. i was miles and miles away from you yet there wasnāt a day i didn't think about you"
"(y/n) the day you left, was the day realised why my relationships didnāt work out. they didnāt work out because you were my meant to be." he pulls you closer to him putting his hand on your cheek
" it all made sense to me. how when i was in need of anything or if i had i problem, id come to you not My current girlfriend at the time. how i defended you when they were jealous of our relationship and how i was jealous when you got close to other men that wasnāt me." he said staring into your eyes
" Lexie, April, and Stephanie they were all my soulmates and so are you. the only difference is that you and I were meant to be" he adds
you were shocked at his words. you couldnāt believe what he was saying. "w-what? jackson what are you saying" you tell him
"im saying dont leave me, dont go to canada. im saying run the plastics department with me. im saying let me fight for you." he took a deep breath
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Summary: y/n had fallen inlove with jackson since their 4th year of residency but Jackson never thought of her more than his Best friend so you decide to leave and move on
Trigger: slight swearing
Words: 2.7k+
A/N: i also take requests. I usually publish on wattpad but i thought why not on tumblr too.
Part 2
Standing in front of three doctors you looked up too and giving them your biggest smile as a thank you forĀ everything they had done for you. "You don't know how thankful i am for you guys doing this for me and keeping it a secret." Y/n tell Bailey,Owen, and Webber.
You had been Working in Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital since your intern year and back then it was just You andĀ Ā five other Interns who you now consider your family. Now your were double board certified in Peds and plastics who just finished fellowship.
"Anything for you y/n. Your like a daughter to me." Webber tells you giving you a short hug before leaving with Bailey.
"I tell them today, Dr. Hunt. Can you round them up so they hear it from me and not someone else?" You tell him.
"Of Course. But i just wanna know why your leaving us? We're one of the best, if not the best, Hospital in the US and your leaving for Toronto General Hospital just like that?" Owen says
"I want something more Owen. I don't wanna be just a normal attending. I wanna be head of a department too in the future. I want something more" you tell him glancing at Jackson, who had been your best friend after George had died, giving his charts to the nurse.
" I won't be head of peds cause arizona's here and if she leaves alex will take over. And obviously jackson will be head of plastics. I don't mind working under them but i just---okay its not the only reason why im leaving and i know you know that owen. I have to let go of him sooner or i never will" you look up at owen. " I have to give up now or i never will" you tell him not before hugging him and walking away.
~
You finished up updating your charts, ready for Alex and Jackson to take over them as you only had a week left of working in GreySloan.
You took a look around the place and remembered everything you had been through. From the first time you walked the halls of seattle grace to the first time you met your friends, now turned family, to how youĀ met your best friend Jackson , who you have been in love with since you both were im your 4th year of residency.
Everything was falling into place now. You had amazing friends/Family, you achieved your dream of becoming double board certified in Peds and Plastics, and now you've been given a chance to work at one of the best hospitals in canada. You just needed one person, but that person didn't need you
~
Just as promised, Owen had gathered all your closest Friends/Family in the Conference room for your announcement. You entered the room last and stood next to Owen, Bailey and Webber with a big smile on your face.
"I gathered you all today here on such short notice because y/n has a special announcement to make" owen said before motioning for you to step forward abit.
"Yea, i do have something to tell you all but before that i wanna tell you how thankful i am for each and everyone of you." You tell them all smiling wide. You see jackson have a puzzled look on his face that you choose ignore.
You look at Alex and Mer before continuing " To mer and Alex, who i had been in the same intern class with, i love you both so much and i am the luckiest person in the world to have met you along with cristina, Izzie, and George."
" To Bailey who had been my resident when i was an intern, i promise to remember your 5 rules and i will for sure promise to use them" you tell her letting out a small giggle when you see her smile.
"Dr. Webber you have always been my father figure here and your will always be. Chief Hunt, for everything you have done for me and with me will never be forgotten." You give them a hug slightly tearing up. You didn't want to cry so you tried to wipe them away but it all just flowed out.
"Arizona thank you for teaching me every single thing i needed to learn to be a great peds surgeon. Mark, who i know would have loved to be here with us, i thank him for showing me how plastics was a powerful specialty. Without them i wouldn't be double board certified in two of the most amazing specialty, no offense to the other specialties though" you let out a small laugh as arizona stands up going to you before pulling you into a very very tight hug which you return.
You pull away from arizona who doesn't return to her seat but stands beside webber " April, your amazing. Everything about you is amazing so keep being amazing" you smile at her. You two were never close but you were still her friend.
"And ofcourse Jackson" you looked at him. Staring into the green eyes you had fallen for like it was compelling you to stop doing whatever you were doing and just stare at him.
You shook your head slightly before continuing your speech. " Your my best friend. My person. I would never dream of forgetting you. You had been with me through it all. From the shooting to the crash to bus explodingĀ and many more. You have been my rock when George, Lexie, and mark died whi--."
"Are you dying?" Jackson cuts you off standing up " cause if you are--"
"I'm not dying Jackson." You reassure him. " Then what's going on y/n? What the hell's going on with the thank you speeches if your not dying?"
"Im leaving" you tell everyone
"What?" Jackson says shocked " your leaving us? your leaving me?"
" I got an offer at Toronto General Hospital which Bailey, Webber and Hunt helped me get" you tell everyone "they want me to start in 3 weeks. I'll be chief in training for a couple of years before they actually give the position but itās a start"
" So just like that your leaving? When were you going to tell me this? The day before you leave? " Jackson raised his voice.
"Now. Iām telling everyone now. I didnāt want to say anything before i was sureĀ i was leaving. " You spat. Everyone was now looking at the two you, shocked at how you were both arguing in front of everyone. you two had fought before but never in front of everyone else.
"I know its just short notice but I've thought everything through. I've taken care of everything and itās all set. " You tell everyone
" Is this about the money? Cause if it is i'll talk to the board about giving you a raise or a new contract" Jackson said " no. It's never about the money for me.Ā I save lives cause i want to not because i want money. I want something more for my career. Something more in my life"
" And something more is what? In canada? Miles and miles away from us? Your family? Miles away from me!?" Jackson yelled
" Jackson please. Letās talk about this privately and alone" you try to tell him motioning to the others
"No. You made your choice. You chose to leave me behind, that's what you chose" he says before leaving the room. You see april follow him out to chase after him so you stood still. That was the reason why you had to leave because April and Jackson were meant to be and you and him would never in a million years happen
You stood in front of everyone, trying to come up with something to say but you were speechless. It was true. You were leaving him and everyone else. That's what you decided and there's no going back now
~
Today was your last day working at GSMH. You spent your day saying goodbye to nurses and other doctors you worked with.
Jackson was still avoiding you and of course you were upset about it but you understood. In your head he had the right to be angry and upset because he had a point. But you had to leave to move on and you couldnāt do that when every single inch of the hospital you saw him.
"Y/n!" You turn your head around to see Jo and Alex walking towards you holding a very big paper bag. You smile at them as they approach you.
"Whats up guys?"
"We got you something" jo says before handing you a paper bag " its a blanket. Like a really really fluffy blanket cause alex said you get cold easily so i thought why not get you a blanket so you don't forget us. " Jo saysĀ as she pulls you into aĀ very tight hug.
" I could never. I promise to come to your wedding and to come to all the important events." You tell them pulling away from the hug. Jo gets paged so she leaves you and Alex alone.
"Heās still avoiding you?" Alex says.
"Yes he is. I understand though. It hurts but its fine. I would do the same if he was leaving." You tell alex with a frown " my flights tonight. All my stuffs been sent yesterday and i have my suitcase in the lounge so that i can leave after my shift."
"Are you sure about this?" He asked.
You nod at him. " Im changing my cell and everything. But I trust you not to tell anyone this." You gave him two envelopes. One had Jackson's name and the other one had nothing on it.
" Give this one to jackson after i leave. Make sure he gets it okay. And this one has my address and my new cell. Your my emergency contact incase anything happens." You look at him smiling
" I have no one but you right now. Everyone hates me for leaving but you get why i have to. I trust you and only you with my information. Donāt share it with anyone else. " You plead to him " please make sure jackson gets the letter. Make sure he reads it, hell if you have to stay and watch him read it or you read it to him itās fine. Just please"
Alex pulls you into a very tight hug, something you got a lot of after the news spread that you were leaving. " Take care of yourself y/n. Call and text me everyday. If your not feeling well call me and i'll be on the next flight out to see you. " You let the tears fall out of your eyes. " Your like my sister y/n. Even when the world hates you, i'll be there to protect you. "
You pull away from the hug, tears stillĀ Ā streaming down your face that alex wipes away. " I'll make sure he gets this okay. I promise" alex says before hugging you one last time.
~
You walked into the attending lounge to see it was empty. You took one last look around before changing out of your scrubs and into your more comfy clothes. You folded your scrubs, deciding to take them with you to toronto.
You took your pink stethoscope, which you had used since your interns years, which had your initials on them, and your gold bracelet that's adjustableĀ and placed them in jacksons locker right on top of his bag.
"Something to remember me by" you whispered before grabbing your suitcase and leaving
~
Alex had trouble finding Jackson. He wanted to try and have him read the letter as soon as possible so he could try and stop y/n from leaving but the man was hard to find.
"Jackson! Hey Jackson!" Alex yells before running up to him
"What is it karev?" Jackson asked. Alex pulls him into an on call room " what the hell karev? Do you know how bad this looks? Not to mention how wrong it looks too?"
" Oh just shut up Avery. You've been avoiding Y/n all week and all day on her last day. She asked me to give you this" alex hands him the letter only for jackson to stare at it. " I don't need a letter. I need her to stay" he says before trying to exit the room.
Alex grabbed his coat and pushed him up against the wall. " Look avery, i may get fired for doing this but i don't care. You're going to read this letter and your gonna read it now cause i promised her you would and Alex karev doesn't break promises"
Jackson grabs the envelope and roughly opens it. Inside were two pieces of paper stapled together. Jackson took it out and began to read it
Dear Jackson,
I know your mad and you have every right to be. I get it, i promise you i won'tĀ hold it against you that we never got to hug or have a talk before i left. There'sĀ so many things i wanna tell you but there'sĀ only so much i can write on this paper.
You have always been my favorite person. No one could compare to you. No one can and no one will. Your an amazing and compassionate doctor. One of a kind.
I want to thank you for being my rock when george, lexie, and Mark died. I wouldn'tĀ have done it withoutĀ you. Your my person and will always be my person since we became close. All the mercy west vs seattle grace bullshit never mattered to me back then. I just needed a friend and you were there.
I love you.
I fell for you.
I left because i fell for you. I left because i loved you. For years i have loved you and i still do till this very second. I need to move on from you. Your clearly happy and content with your life but i'mĀ not.
Every time i wanted to tell you, you were dating someone. From Lexie to April to steph to confessing your love to april on her wedding day.Ā I couldn'tĀ confess when you were happy and content. I tried dating but each and everyone of those guys i seem to compare them to you. They were sweet and handsome and amazing but they weren'tĀ you.Ā
They weren'tĀ Jackson Avery.
I love you with all my heart Jackson. I'llĀ always be there for you as your best friend becauseĀ that'sĀ all i'llĀ ever be to you. I have to let you go cause its hurting and breaking me to hold onto something that'sĀ never gonna happen.
You were always my soulmateĀ Jackson, even if i was never yours.
Goodbye Jackson. Take care of yourself.
Dr. Y/nĀ y/ l /n.
Jackson looked up at alex. Shocked at what he had just read. āY/n loves meā heĀ thought to himself. " Where is she?" He asked alex
"I don't know but maybe she's in the attendings lounge. We can catch her there if not we can try the airport" alex says before opening the door and running with jackson towards the attendings lounge.
When they arrive, jackson goes straight to y/n locker only to find it empty. " Damnit alex. Try to page her"
Jackson tries to call her but all he got was your voicemail. " Jackson she left.Ā Nurse Ali said she leftĀ her pager at the desk over an hour ago give or take"
"Lets go to the airport alex. We have to try and catch up to her"
~
Alex and jackson drove over the speed limit trying not to get caught by the pulis. Traffic was a bitch and the rain did not make it easier but they made it. Jackson pulled out his american express credit card buying 2 tickets to wherever for him and alex so they could go into the gate.
They ran to the nearest Screen that had the information of all the flights.
Seattle, WA To Toronto, CA - DELAYED
they ran to the gate and hoped that you were still there. They arrived at the gate only to find the plane reversing and getting ready to fly.
" Is that the plane to Toronto?" Jackson asked the Flight attendant who was at the gate wishing that it wasn't. " Yes it is. Are you a passenger? We can arrange for you to get on the next flight"
He was too late. Jackson was too late and he blamed himself for it. If only he hadn't avoided you, may you and him would be holding hands at the hospital being the plastics duo you guys were.
