#jack sayers

(More fankhx trash + demonankhx, demonfankhx, Simmons-Tweed, etc) (update: Mark Slaughter is now referenced in pretty blue.)

Vinnie: I love hearing Paul shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

Vinnie: You got a date yet, Eric?  Eric: No...  Vinnie: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Gene: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...  Eric: I really care about your feelings!  Vinnie: I really care about YOUR feelings!  Gene, turning his head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...  Peter: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!  Ace: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

Eric: I love you.  Vinnie: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.  *Eric and Vinnie kiss passionately*  Gene, to Paul: You owe me 20 dollars.

Eric: I’m this close to falling in love with Vinnie.  Paul: Your fingertips are touching.  Eric: Exactly.

Paul: Mark, you'll be working with Vinnie and Eric.  Mark: Alright! My fantasy threesome!  Everyone else: *blank stares*  Mark: ...Of people on a team.

Vinnie: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?  Mark: What’s up your ass this morning?!  Gene: *walks in* ...Hey.  Mark: Hmm… nevermind.  Vinnie: WAIT NO!

Gene: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.  Vinnie, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.  Ace: Wow, Gene was late too! What a coincidence!

Paul: Look, last night was a mistake.  Vinnie: A sexy mistake.  Paul: No, just a regular mistake.

Paul: Who do we know that has handcuffs?  Eric: Well Vinnie and I-  Vinnie: *elbows Eric*  Eric: ...wouldn't know.

Eric: What’s the announcement, Gene?  Gene: It’s a lecture. Vinnie’s gonna tell us everything he knows about sex.  Paul: It should be an enjoyable 60 seconds.

Eric: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.  Vinnie: I’m “a couple of things”.  Gene: I’m “got distracted”.

Gene: My hands are cold.  Vinnie: Here, let me hold them.  Gene: My lips are cold too.  Vinnie: *covers Gene's mouth with his hand* :)

Paul: Are you trying to seduce me?  Vinnie: Why, are you seducible?

Vinnie: Can you cut me some slack, Eric? I’m sort of in love.  Eric: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.  Vinnie: I’m in love with you.  Eric: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

Gene: Paul, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?  Paul, naked in Gene's bed: No, I absolutely do not.  Gene, already taking off his clothes: Fuck... Me neither.

Eric: What do you want to be for Halloween?  Vinnie: Yours.  Eric: Eric: …yeah, that would be pretty scary.

Vinnie: Hey, Mark, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?  Mark: Yeah.  Vinnie: And you, Dana?  Dana: Umm... yes?  Vinnie: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!  Dana: Did he just-

Gene: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close.  Vinnie, blushing: Okay.  Paul: It's fucking summer.

Gene: Do you love Eric?  Vinnie: Yeah, I do.  Gene: Paul! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!  Paul: We all love Eric. You should've asked if he was IN love with him.  Vinnie: I thought that was implied.  Paul: ...  Gene: ...  Vinnie, looking straight at Paul: Congrats Gene, you just won 100 bucks.

Shannon: This food is too hot... I can’t eat it. 

Gene: You’re very hot, and I still eat you. 

Everyone at the table: *silence* 

Nick: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING! 

Sophie: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!

Bruce: How did you break your leg? 

Eric: Do you see those porch stairs? 

Bruce: Yes. 

Eric: I didn't.

Ace: You have an impressive pain tolerance. 

Gene: Thanks, it's the trauma.

Paul: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! 

Ace: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Eric, go find out if that thing can catch fire! 

Paul: You're a bad influence. 

Ace: And you don't know your sayings.

Vinnie: I have feelings for you.  Gene: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Eric: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me?  Vinnie: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to?  Bruce: And you just ran away?!  Eric: I didn't expect him to flirt back!

Dana: *finds a note* Hmm, what’s this?  Vinnie: Hey, that's mine! *tries to grab it*  Dana: Aww, is it a little note for Eric?  Vinnie: No-  Dana: *opens it*  Dana: Vinnie: Dana: I can't read this.

Eric: So, what’s Vinnie's type?  Gene: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover.  Eric: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.  Gene: Did I mention oblivious?  Eric: Yeah, why?  Gene: Okay, just making sure.

Vinnie: *yawns*  Gene: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.  Vinnie: Then you must be exhuasted.  Paul: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

Gene: Hey, what have you two been doing?  Jack: we were helping Bruce with his wedding vows and we were kicked out of his house for making it inappropriate.  Gary: How is “Nice ass, Lisa” inappropriate?

Tommy: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?  Eric: We're chopsticks!  Tommy: Well... that's cute!  Tommy: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?  Vinnie: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Robert: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?  Mark: *raises hand*  Vinnie: *puts Mark’s hand down*

Vinnie, wearing shades: Rule one of world domination.  Vinnie: *does finger guns* You gotta look good while doing it.

Vinnie: If I may interject...  Paul: Oh, awesome, Vinnie was eavesdropping…

Vinnie: You have friends and I envy that.  Bobby: You're welcome to share my friends.  Vinnie: *looks at Dana and Mark*  Vinnie: I don't want those.

Vinnie: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, Paul. *Neither of them die*  Paul: …  Vinnie: …  Paul: So do you wanna talk about somethi-  Vinnie: No thank you.

Gene: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help.  Eric: I went to the park today.  Gene: There you go! I hope you got something from that.  Eric: *opening his coat* This duck.

Tommy: Today at 7 am, Ace poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.  Peter: I watched Ace brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he ascended into the astral realm. Either that or we need to take him to the hospital. Paul: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

Vinnie: None of those words are in the Bible!  Mark: Psalm 119:105. “And Jesus said unto his followers, should a manlet incel attempt to mansplain the blockchain to a girlboss, may she waste his time and yassify his blorbos”  Vinnie: HE DID NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!

Ace: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?  Eric: Okay.  *later*  Paul: Eric! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.  Ace, whispering: Deny everything.  Eric, loudly: That isn't a chair.

Gene: So... what’s goin’ on?  Eric: You want the long version or the short version?  Gene, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?  Eric: Shit’s fucked.  Gene: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

Eric: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?  Eric: Ooh, yeah. Paul, with his laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a bug. Eric: It's not a bug though...  Paul: ...  Eric: ...  Paul: Well I still don't want to see it right now, you can show me later.  Eric, realizing: Please don't throw-  Eric: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

Eric: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.

Kidnapper: I have your husband.  Gene: What? I don't have a husband...  Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?  Gene: Oh my god, you have Paul.

Eric: You know what I’ve realized?  Paul: Some thoughts are better left unsaid?  Eric: Nice try, anyways-

Gene: You guys worried about Vinnie?  Bruce: Totally!  Paul: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"  Gene: And what'd you say?  Paul: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."  Bruce: Gene: he’s lucky to have you as a friend…

Vinnie: You saved me! Why?  Paul: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.

*Peter is shopping with Tommy*  Peter: Can I get a silenced pistol?  Tommy: If there’s one on sale.

Eric: This is tied for most terrifying day of my life.  Bruce: Tied with what?  Eric: Every other day of myself!

Eric: Coca Cola is a health potion, Pepsi is a mana potion.  Bruce: What’s grape soda?  Eric: It’s fucking purple baby!!!