#izas6k

“Hey, Buck. Whatcha up to?” Steve asks, walking into the living room. After Bucky only gives a grunt, Steve asks if he’s okay. “Yeah, fine.” Steve sighs and sits next to Bucky on the couch, “Alright, talk to me.” “What do you want to talk about?” “Bucky, we’ve known each other for how long? And you think I can’t tell when something’s on your mind? What’s wrong?” “Nothing’s wrong, okay? I’m fine.” Bucky snaps, not looking at Steve. Steve’s eyebrows fly up, shocked. “Did- Did I do something? Are you mad at me?” “I said I’m fine, Steve!” Bucky snaps again, even more aggressive this time. “Yes, you did. But that’s not what I asked. I asked if I did something to make you mad at me.” Steve says calmly. Bucky finally turns to look at Steve, “Yes, okay?! You did do something! You’ve always done the same damn thing and you’ll probably never stop!” “What have I done?” Steve asks, completely confused as to what he’s done to get Bucky this mad at him. Bucky looks shocked for a moment before setting his hand a little harder than necessary on Steve’s shoulder, the one that he hurt on the mission, making Steve wince. “Ow! What the hell was that for, Buck?!” “That’s what you’ve done! You’ve always put yourself in harm’s way and almost gotten yourself killed, time and time again! Ever since that damn serum got in you, hell, even before that when you were still the little kid from Brooklyn. I’m pretty sure that you’ve never even thought what you dying would do to the team! What you dying would do to me, damn it!” Bucky yells, tears coming to his eyes. Steve just sits there, not knowing what to say or do after all that Bucky said. Several moments of silence settle before Bucky speaks, his voice cracking. “Do you even know what losing you would do to me, Stevie? I- I don’t think I could go on without you if you...” “I do know what it would do to you. I know because I went through it when you fell off that train all those years ago. I thought you died, Buck. For a long time I always blamed myself, hell I still do. I wasn’t fast enough, I couldn’t save you...” Steve says softly. “Steve, it wasn’t your fault. There wasn’t anything else that you could do to save me.” Now it was Steve’s turn to yell, “You don’t know that! I could have reached out further! I could’ve moved as you fell so I could grab you! I could’ve jumped after you, the serum could’ve kept me alive!” “Shut up! Don’t let me even hear about you saying that again! You don’t know if the serum would’ve kept you alive! If you would’ve died after jumping after me, I would’ve made sure I died with you! I’m with you ‘till the end of the line, remember?! You die, I die! And if you did jump after me and die, a whole lot of people would’ve died after as well! Do you not realize how many people you saved when you kept living?! How many people you saved from having to go through what not only I but so many other people went through as well?! You’re Captain fucking America for Christ’s sake! You save people, it’s what you do! You can’t stop doing that because you lose someone on a job!” Steve thinks for a moment before speaking, “I can when I lose the person that’s never stopped believing in me. The person who started believing in me when I was probably one of the sickest people on the planet. You’ve never stopped seeing me, Buck, the real me. You never saw me as Captain America, but as Steve Rogers, the little guy from Brooklyn. That’s the person I can die for if I lose them.”

Bucky basically sags as all of his anger drains out of him. Bucky just stares at Steve, trying to process all that was just said to him as well as not to let tears fall down his face. After Bucky lets his head fall, Steve speaks. “Bucky.” “Yes?” “Please, don’t ever think of yourself as just another person to me. I wouldn’t have fought half of the Avengers for just anyone.” Steve jokes, chuckling and making Bucky smile. Steve takes a deep breath before continuing, “You’re my everything, Buck. I can’t live without the man I love.” Bucky’s head jerks up, looking into Steve’s eyes, searching for anything that tells him that Steve is lying. There’s nothing. “What? What did you just say?” Bucky asks softly. “I love you, Bucky. I always have.” Steve repeats, feeling a weight being lifted off of his chest. “No, you don’t.” Bucky says, shaking his head. “What? Yes I do.” Steve replies, confused. “No, you don’t! You can’t!” Bucky snaps, turning away from Steve. “Bucky, look at me. Look at me. Please, Buck.” Steve says, waiting until Bucky turns back to face him to continue. “What do you mean I can’t love you? Why can’t I love you?” “Steve. You said you’ve always loved me, right?” “Yes.” “That’s why. Steve, we’re not who we used to be. You loved me before I ‘died.’ Not after.” “Yes, I do. I said I’ve always loved you. That includes before the fall and now. I have always loved you, Bucky, and I always will. It doesn’t matter if you love me back or not, I won’t stop.” “Steve... I’m different now, I’m not your Bucky.” Bucky argues, shaking his head, refusing to believe what he’s hearing. “You’ll always be my Bucky. It doesn’t matter if you get switched into a completely different body, you’ll still be my Bucky. Please tell me you understand that.” Bucky looks back into the beautiful pools of blue in Steve’s eyes and whispers, “Do you really mean that?” “Yes. Of course I do, Buck. We’re with each other until the end of the line. You stayed with me after the serum, in a completely new body and slightly different mindset. I’ll be with you with your metal arm and shaggy hair.” Steve answers, smiling at the end. Bucky smiles, “Well, it looks like I really am stuck with you as I feel the same.” “You mean being with each other until the end of the line?” Steve asks, not getting his hopes up and thinking that Bucky meaning something else. “That and... I love you too, Stevie.” Bucky says, hope and love shining in his eyes. Steve almost stops breathing for a second and he swears his heart skipped a beat. He says, tears pooling in his eyes, “R- Really?” “Yeah. I’ve loved you longer than you know.” Bucky answers, feeling the same weight being lifted off of his chest that Steve had a felt a few minutes earlier. Steve throws himself into Bucky’s arms, hugging him tight. Bucky grins and hugs Steve just as tight. “I’m trying so hard not to cry right now.” Steve says, chuckling. Bucky huffs a laugh, “Glad to know I’m not the only one.” Steve sits up just enough to look into Bucky’s eyes. “Buck.” “Yes?” “May I kiss you?” Instead of answering, Bucky moves his head forward to press his lips to Steve’s in a soft but sure kiss. Steve kisses back just as soft before pulling back, smiling. “You know I asked if I could kiss you, right?” Bucky chuckled, “Yeah, yeah, shut up and why don’t you kiss me th- Mm!” Steve kisses Bucky this time, the kiss a little bit harder this time and longer, too. Steve presses Bucky back into the couch before straddling his hips without breaking the kiss. While slipping his tongue into Steve’s mouth, Bucky slides his hands over Steve’s back before ending at his butt, squeezing it gently. Steve gives a quiet moan before moving his head back, breathing heavily. “We... We should probably take this into one of our rooms.” “Yeah, we probably should. Yours or mine?” “Mine.” “Alright, let’s go.” Bucky says, making Steve about to get up and he would have if Bucky hadn’t stood up while holding Steve, making Steve yelp and cling to Bucky. “Damn it, Bucky! Give me a warning, will you?!” Steve gripes, smacking Bucky on the back. Bucky just laughs and effortlessly carries Steve to his room. After entering, closing, and locking the door to Steve’s room, Bucky goes over to the bed and drops Steve onto the bed. Bucky then stands up and pulls his shirt off over his head before starting on his pants. Steve then takes his shirt off as well as his pants, leaving him in just his boxers. Bucky climbs over Steve after he is only in his boxers as well. Continuing the kiss, Steve and Bucky start running their hands across each other’s bodies, learning the other’s body that they’ve never stopped protecting. Steve uses his super strength to push Bucky into his back so that he’s the one on top before lowering his head to Bucky’s neck, sucking and kissing and biting. Bucky moans as Steve sucks on a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. Steve starts moving down, looking at Bucky’s face for a reaction before curiously kissing the skin that changes into metal. Bucky gasps loudly, his eyes flying open. Steve pulls back, thinking he hurt Bucky somehow, about to apologize before looking at Bucky’s eyes. In those eyes, he sees not pain, or anger, but lust. “Did- Did you like that?” Steve asks, just as shocked and confused as Bucky. “I... I didn’t hate it. It felt kinda good, surprisingly.” Bucky answers, trying to figure out how it felt. “Do you want me to do it again?” Steve asks. Bucky looks up shyly before nodding. Steve lowers his head again, softly licking the same spot he did before. “Fuck, that feels good.” Bucky gasps. Steve smiles before starting kiss and lick at the sensitive skin, wringing moans and gasps out of Bucky. Bucky feels like he should be doing something to pleasure Steve too but his mind is short circuiting from the pleasure he’s feeling. The best he can do is use his  flesh arm to move to the front of Steve’s boxers and squeeze Steve’s cock. Steve moans, his kisses and licks having more pressure behind them before he moves his hands to Bucky’s nipples and rolls and pinches them. Bucky moans, arching his back to push his chest into Steve’s hands. “Fuck, Steve. I- I’m gonna come if you don’t slow down.” Steve smiles and pulls back to look at Bucky without stopping his hands, “It feels that good, huh?” “Yeah, yeah it- Oh fuck! Steve!” Bucky agrees before gasping as Steve twists his nipples, pleasure shooting up his spine. Steve smirks before letting his hands go as he moves down to remove Bucky’s boxers.

“You know what too many of my thoughts have been on?” Steve asks, taking a hold of Bucky’s cock and moving his hand up and down. “W- What?” “This.” Steve answers before taking the tip of Bucky’s cock in his mouth, running his tongue around the head. “Fuck, Steve!” Bucky gasps, Steve holding his bucking hips down. Steve licks and sucks at the head a little more before sliding more of Bucky’s length into his mouth. Starting to move his head up and down, Steve moves his left hand back up to play with Bucky’s nipples again. Bucky clenches his hands and grits his teeth, trying but failing to keep his hips down. Suddenly, Steve gets up and goes to his bedside table, digging through the drawers. “Steve. What are you- Oh.” Steve holds up a bottle of lube, before climbing back onto the bed. “May I fuck you, Bucky?” Steve asks, somehow still looking innocent with red, swollen lips covered in spit and precum. Bucky could’ve come at that question and sight right then and there. “God, yes. Please do.” Popping open the bottle, Steve squeezes some of the lube onto his fingers before placing it on the bed. Bucky relaxes, readying himself for the intrusion he knows is coming. Steve places his finger on the puckered hole, rubbing it a little before pressing his finger in to the second knuckle. “Fuck...” Bucky groans softly, looking down at Steve. Steve looks up at him innocently before smirking and crooking his finger, hitting a certain bundle of nerves. “Fuck!” Bucky cries out, throwing his head back and clenching his eyes shut. Steve presses against it again making Bucky’s hips jerk up and cry out again before leaving it alone, for now. Steve presses another finger against the hole before it easily gives in. Bucky moans at the slight stretch, giving him more pleasure than pain. Scissoring his fingers to stretch Bucky, Steve goes and sucks the head of Bucky’s cock into his mouth, licking and sucking at it. Steve continues taking more and more of Bucky into his mouth until he hits the back of his throat, making Bucky groan. “Steve!” Bucky cries out as Steve not only swallows around him but adds another finger, stretching Bucky even more. “St- Steve! I’m gonna come if...fuck... you don’t stop.” Steve pulls off and smirks with a wicked look in his eyes, “That’s the point.” Steve takes Bucky back into his mouth before crooking his fingers again, hitting Bucky’s prostate. “Steve!” Bucky screams, bucking his hips as he shoots into Steve’s mouth. Steve swallows as much as he can, the rest sliding down Bucky’s cock. Steve continues to lick and suck at Bucky’s oversensitive cock to clean him until he’s hard and ready to go again. Steve slides his fingers out before moving up Bucky’s body, licking and sucking as he goes.

Steve kisses Bucky softly before Bucky kisses back rougher. Steve tries to keep it slow and soft but Bucky continues to kiss back harder. “Steve.” “Yeah?” “I’ve- We’ve waited way too long for this and since you can’t take the hint, I’m gonna make it clear. If you don’t fuck me right now in the next five seconds, I’m going to throw you on your back and do it myself.” “Is that a threat or a promise?” “Steve, I swear- Oh fuck!” Bucky cuts off on a moan as Steve presses inside of him in a continuous slide. They both groan as Steve bottoms out. Waiting for a go ahead, Steve starts to kiss all over Bucky’s face and neck. After Bucky shifts his hips, making the both of them moan, Steve slowly pulls out before thrusting in, slow but hard. Bucky gasps and arches his back. Seeing that Bucky was okay, Steve starts a slow and hard pace, hitting that bundle of nerves on every other thrust. “Shit, Buck. You feel so good. So tight, so warm. Ah, fuck!” Steve groans and curses as he feels Bucky’s walls clench around him. Using the hand that it isn’t holding him up, Steve starts to pinch and roll at Bucky’s sensitive nipples. “Oh fuck, Steve! Feels so good. Please! Please, I need-!” Bucky moans and pleads, not being able to decide if he wants to arch his chest into Steve’s hands or push down onto Steve’s cock. So, he alternates between both, pressing his chest up on a thrust before pushing his hips down. “What do you need? Tell me what you need, Buck.” Steve says, breathlessly. “Need- Need you to fuck me. Fuck me hard, please! Pl- Fuck!” Bucky asks before getting what he asked for as Steve thrusts into him harder and quickening his pace. Not only does Steve fuck Bucky harder, he moves his head down just enough to be able to lick at the sensitive skin connected to metal. Bucky cries out in pleasure and clings onto Steve’s back for dear life, scratching Steve’s back with the nails on his flesh hand, causing bruises with his metal one.

Bucky wraps his legs around Steve’s hips before crying out again as the new angle has his prostate being hit on almost every thrust. “Steve, Steve. I- ah! I’m getting close again. Oh god!” “You gonna come for me, Buck? Do it. Come for me.” Steve says, thrusting a bit harder to push Bucky over the edge. “Steve!” Bucky screams as he comes so hard he’s sure he sees stars. Steve keeps fucking Bucky hard, not slowing down at all so Bucky decides to go ahead on his promise. Bucky flips himself and Steve so that he is straddling Steve, all the while keeping his cock in him. “So, I guess that was a promise?” Steve asks, looking up at Bucky. Bucky just smirks before lifting himself up and dropping back down. “Fuck, Bucky! Ah, don’t stop!” “Wasn’t planning to.” Bucky snarks back, throwing his head back and dropping himself back down onto Steve’s cock. Bucky moans before starting a hard and face pace, lifting himself up before dropping back down. Though at this angle, Bucky can most definitely feel Steve deeper inside of him. “You gonna come for me, Stevie?” “Not until...oh...you do.” Steve answers, having trouble keeping his hips down. Bucky smirks again, “We’ll see about that,” before not only dropping down particularly hard but clenching even tighter around Steve. “Ah! Bucky! Fuck! Are you trying to end this?!” Steve cries out, trying to keep himself from coming. Steve grips onto Bucky’s hips, wanting to slow Bucky down but not able to bring himself to do it. “Oh, it’s not going to end when you come. You kept fucking me after I came, it’s only fair if I do the same to you. Don’t you think?” Bucky says, smirking and somehow looking completely innocent while riding Steve like he’d been doing it his entire life. “Ugh, I hate you sometimes.” Steve tells Bucky, groaning as Bucky squeezes around him again. “And you love me all the time.” Bucky replies, starting to clench his walls around Steve every time he lifted himself off. “Ah. I- I can’t hold back anymore! Fuck, Bucky!” Steve screamed, letting go and shooting deep inside Bucky, his hips thrusting deeper, eyes clenching shut.

Bucky gasps, the feeling of Steve shooting deep into him making him hold back his own orgasm. Bucky continues to ride Steve until he’s done coming before giving him a break. Bucky leans down and pecks Steve’s lips before starting to kiss his whole face. Only when Steve’s eyes open does Bucky pull back enough to look him in the face. “You okay?” Bucky asks, staring lovingly down at Steve. Steve’s cock begins to harden again, making Steve smile and say, “Does that answer your question?” Bucky smiles and kisses Steve one more time before sitting back up. “You ready for another round?” Steve grinds his hips up, making Bucky gasp as he hits his prostate, “Again, does that answer your question?” “You’re an ass.” Bucky says, lifting himself up. “You love my ass.” “That I do, Steve. That I do.” Bucky agrees before dropping himself down, throwing his head back in pleasure. Steve inhales loudly as the friction on his oversensitive cock shoots pleasure up his spine, arching his back in pleasure. “You okay?” “Y- Yeah. Don’t stop, please.” Steve assures, breathing hard. “Yes, sir.” Bucky answers, starting a hard and fast pace that satisfies the both of them. The room is filled with the sounds of heavy breathing, moans, gasps, and groans as the two super soldiers that will be with each other forever make love for the first time. Steve tilts his hips up a bit and hears Bucky shout as his prostate is hit dead on. “There! Oh, please! Right there! Fuck, Steve!” Bucky cries out, almost sobbing in pleasure. Bucky starts to clench tighter around Steve to bring him to his orgasm faster as Bucky is starting to feel his coming fast. “Bucky! Ah! Oh fuck! I- I’m already getting close!” Steve cries out, using his hands to slam Bucky down even harder. “M- Me too. So close! C- Come with me, Stevie. Steve!” Bucky screams as he comes for the third time that night, that one somehow stronger than the other two making him almost black out. “Oh fuck! Bucky!” Steve shouts as he comes again, most definitely seeing stars as he falls over the edge of ecstasy with Bucky. Bucky cries out as Steve coming inside of him again makes him fall into a mini orgasm. Steve helps lift Bucky off of him and lay him next to Steve. Bucky immediately curls up as close as he can to Steve, laying his head on his chest. The two super soldiers lay there in content, catching their breath. “Bucky?” “Hm?” Bucky answers, already half-asleep. “Wh- What are we now?” Bucky looks up at Steve and thinks for a moment before saying, “What I’m pretty sure we’ve always been, Steve. Soulmates.” Steve lays there for a moment before smiling, more grinning really, and agrees, “Soulmates. I think that’s one amazing way to describe us, Buck.” Bucky starts grinning too and says, “Yeah. Yeah it is. Now I have a question.” “Hm?” “Which one of us is going to get up to get the rag?” Bucky asks. “Well, it would most likely be me but I have a better idea.” Steve answers, smirking. “What’s that?” “How about instead we take a shower together?” “Last one there bottoms!” Bucky says, grinning, and jumps over Steve and runs to the bathroom. Steve just laughs and follows him in there. There was a reason why Steve didn’t actually try to beat Bucky...

Tags are OPEN!!

“This job is about risking our lives. We fight, we get injured and we may die, but at least we have each others backs” you caressed his face but he brushed you off.“Still you disobeyed my orders. Why can’t you listen for once?”.

“Maybe ‘cause you’re instructions and orders are stupid and unwanted” you didn’t realize what you were saying until it was too late.

“Well if you didn’t like them, you shouldn’t be on the team”.

Instead of trying to calm down, you made things worse “maybe I should”.

“It was a mistake to let you join the team in the first place. I should’ve known you’d only bring trouble” words came out of his mouth like flying arrows.

“Is that so?” You tried to hold the tears in your eyes.

He was far too proud to back down from what he said and apologize “Yes, it is. What are you gonna do about it?” He expected you to talk back to him, to argue, but you didn’t.

“Nothing. There’s nothing left for me to say. You made it clear how you feel about me” you quickly left the room, before the tears slipped down your face.You went to your room and shut the door loudly.

After Steve calmed down, he realized what he did and how that must have hurt you. He knocked on your door,  but you didn't answer. He let himself in. Your back was facing him.“Y/n” he called your name but still no answer. He came to face you but you kept turning away from him.“Y/n would you please look at me!” he begged.

“No. I don't want to see you right now” you were crying and your voice was breaking. You didn't want him to see you like that.

“I came to apologize. I didn't mean what I said. I don't know what got into me, I was angry and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let it on you” he apologized and tried to turn you to face him, but you resisted.

“alright. But can you leave now?” you asked.

“No. Not before you face me. Can you forgive me?” he waited for you.

“fine. Everything is forgiven, but please leave” you just wanted to get rid of him at the moment.

“I'm not leaving, until you tell me what's wrong. Can you turn around, please?” he knew something was wrong. You didn’t have the energy to argue with him so you did.

“are you crying?” he asked.

“are you gonna make fun of me now?”.

“No, no, no. I'm really truly sorry. I didn't know I hurt you that much. I never intended to hurt you. I love you Y/n” he admitted.

“Do you?”. He came closer and wiped off the tears “of course I do. What's not to love... why didn't want to face me?” he asked.

“Because I didn't want you to see me like that. To see me crying, weak” you stated.

“heyy, look at me. You're not weak. Crying shows how strong you are, there's nothing wrong with that. I just hate that I'm the one who made you cry. Can you please stop now, 'cause it would pain me to see you hurt. I promise to never hurt you again” he kissed your forehead and pulled you closer to him.

Your friends had bailed on you, leaving you to travel by yourself.  It had been a "long time planning, never seemed it was gonna happen" trip.  After college, when you all started your different post graduate lives, your friends and you had made a pact.  To keep in touch, and that in five years, you all would go on a trip abroad.  The trip you all dreamed about, but being broke college kids, could never afford.

And you all stuck to the pact.  For the most part.  Weekly conversations had turned to monthly check-ins.  Lunch dates and girl's nights seemed few and far between, and even the one's that had everyone's RSVP sometimes got cancelled due to family or work priorities.  You had tried your best to keep everyone together, to be the one to initiate plans, being the one to call rather than wait for them to call you.

This trip was supposed to change all that.  Planning was going well, everyone seemed onboard, sharing ideas for excursions or pinning restaurants that had to be tried.  It was going to be a reunion trip to remember.  But as time went by, your friends began to waffle.  Saying they weren't sure if it was a good time, or that their bosses may not allow for time off.

So when you were the only one boarding the flight, you knew in your heart, that it would never be the same again.

Although bummed, you decided that the trip was going to be all about you.  One of those cheesy life changing Lifetime-movie types of trips.  You were gonna discover yourself and hidden passions, maybe have a whirlwind romance.  You took in museums and architecture and ruins.  You sipped ridiculously complicated coffee orders and people watched.  You wandered down streets and backroads and took in gardens and parks.  It was great.  You did things on your schedule and didn't have to wait on anyone else or compromise about what you ate or what you did.

But now, two weeks later, travelers fatigue was setting in.  You were tired of seeing all these amazing things and not having anyone to share it with.  Discovering a shop you know one of your friends would love, and have them not be with you.  And if one more waiter gave you pitying look when you said table for one, you might have to hit someone.

So you found yourself scanning the bar for anyone to talk to.  You scanned the room again, when you noticed someone.  It might have been his blue eyes peaking out from under shaggy brown locks.  Or his impressive physique, even if it was slightly hidden due to his hunched shoulders.  It was the familiar loneliness you saw hanging over him like a cloud.  The same cloud that currently muddled your thoughts.

With a deep breath, you swiped your drink off the counter, the condensation making it a little difficult to hold onto the glass.  You slid between tables, maneuvering around the other patrons before coming to a stop in front of his table.

"Can I sit here?" you blurted out.

The man froze, as if he was surprised you even spoke to him.  He looked away, gripping his drink tightly.  You chewed your lip.  Obviously your plan wasn't a good one, and you nodded your head in apology.  For all you knew, he didn't understand English, and he had no idea what you were saying.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I'll just-" and you motioned back to the bar as you turned away.  His arm shot out, and he touched your elbow gently.  When you looked at him, he seemed to be staring at his own hand in shock.  As if his hand reached for you without his knowledge.

"Why?" he questioned softly, though he may have been asking himself and not you.  You had barely heard him over the din of the bar.  You cleared your throat, setting your drink down.

"Why what?"

"Why do you want to sit here?" he asked, keeping his eyes on you warily. You let out sigh and sat across from him, pulling your drink to your lips.  You swallowed a mouthful and tried not to stare directly at him.

"I'm gonna just say it.  I'm lonely and probably about this close," you started, putting your thumb and index finger about an inch apart. "This close, to drinking myself into oblivion. And you... you seemed lonely too. And I figured," you said, swirling the ice in your drink.

"Why not come sit with you.  Let's be lonely together," you explained, finishing your drink, and waving down a waitress to bring you another drink.

"If you don't want the company, you can just walk away.  Or I can just sit here and be quiet.  But let me just share one drink with you.  Let me pretend for a few minutes."

His gaze was still wary, and he stared at you for a few moments, not saying anything.  Finally, he threw his head back and let out a short laugh.

"So I look lonely huh? Is it that obvious?"

You shrugged, giving him a wry smile.

"It's not a bad thing, per say, but I guess it takes one to know one." The waitress reappeared with a new drink for you and a fresh beer for your new friend.

"And why would young gal like be lonely? You're obviously on vacation."

"You're right.  I should be having the time of my life.  It's my dream vacation.  But the why is a long and very boring story.  Much too long of a story for one drink," you said, waving off his question.

He seemed to take your answer as is, and nodded.

"So what shall two lonely people talk about then?"

You pursed your lips as you wracked your brain for anything to talk about.

"If you were stuck on a deserted island with a beautiful woman," you paused taking in his expression. "Or man, no judgement.  Would you rather their top half be fish? Or their bottom half?"

His laughter rang out at your weird question, and you felt a real smile come to your face.

Over the next few hours, it was like a dam had spilled and all you could do was talk.  You relished in even the silliest conversations, and your drinking partner was a saint for putting up with you.  Eventually your reason for loneliness had come out, how you felt left behind and stagnant in your life.

"I don't blame them.  They all have lives," you explained. "Families, great jobs, 10 year goals, mortgages.  The plan was for all of us to have fun, to recharge, get away from everyday life.  But the only one who needed this trip, was me."

You blinked rapidly, not wanting your eyes to betray you and start sending tears down your cheek.  You looked at him, and he gazed back, your feelings reflecting in his eyes.  You shrugged, throwing up an "I'm fine, whatever" smile.

"No wonder they ditched me. I've been awful, just laying all this shit on you.  And you've said barely a word of your own life.  I'm a self-centered asshole, and I apologize.  So tell me stranger, do you regularly allow trainwrecks to park themselves at your table, or is this a first time thing? Cause you're doing great." 

Your propped your chin on your hand and nearly headbutted the table when your elbow slipped off the table. He snorted into his beer as you resituated your arm and again took on the appearance of an enraptured listener.

"Maybe another time doll, you look about ready to pass out," he said, the endearment slipping off his tongue easily.  He slid out of his side of the booth and helped you to your feet.  You tucked some money under an empty glass, covering both yours and your stranger's drinks.  When he tried to argue, you silenced him, telling him to consider it as his therapist's fee for listening to you ramble all night.

As you made your way into the crisp late night or extremely early morning air, you paused while sliding into your sweater.

"Did you mean what you said?" you asked.  When he looked at you quizzically, you clarified.

"I asked you about your reason, and you said another time.  Did you mean it?  I don't even know your name, but-" you stopped and plucked up the courage to continue.

"But I'd like to see you again.  If that's possible."

If you thought he was handsome before, the soft smile he gave made him beyond drop dead gorgeous.  He pushed his hair away from his face, fidgeting a little.  He held out his hand to you, hesitantly.  When you took it, his warm hand clasped yours gently.

You opened your eyes. You sat up and rubbed your face, trying to forget the nightmare you hadn’t had in months. After a few minutes of calming yourself down, you stood up and made your way toward the bathroom. When you looked in the reflection, you saw a crappy version of yourself, someone you hadn’t been in years. You washed your face with water twice, but it was still the same. You sighed and wondered why it came back. Why now?

As you made your way to the kitchen, the past month came back into your mind. Lucifer was back in town, working at the local bank. Your first meeting with him brought up the fear, the pain, and the blame you put on yourself and tried to suppress so you could forgive yourself. All the hard work you’d done was thrown in the toilet. You sat down at the kitchen table after making yourself a cup of tea. Your mind drifted to the fact that your lawyer was found dead 3 months earlier, around the same time Bobby and Ellen had their car accident.

You had forgotten about it as you’d been too deep in your grief with them being dead and you didn't want to deal with finding a new lawyer on top of everything. But now that Lucifer was free, you would have to deal with the side effects of him being around. Which was why you decided to see the counselor, Dr. Naomi Anderson. She was helping you get through everything once a week. It felt good to talk to someone who didn't know your situation. As for Sam, you didn’t have a lot of time for him. However, you made those moments you shared with him the best, even though it wasn't long, and he was very supportive of your situation.

The thought of Sam made you realize that your friendship was quickly moving to the next level. Even though you’d only been on a few dates, you felt like it could work to be with him. All those elements together was a lot for you, and now you sat down drinking your tea feeling guilty for moving on. Charlie was at a convention outside town, and you wished she was there to cheer you up a bit. She always knew how and now you needed her. You glanced at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall and shook your head. It was 4am. She was undoubtedly asleep right now.

                                                                 *

It was still morning and very early because the streets were deserted as you made your way to the cemetery. You couldn't help remembering the horrible day 3 years ago when everything changed for you and everyone else.

The rain was pouring down hard on the street, making Gabriel stand up from where he’d been down on one knee. “How cliché is this?” He smirked, taking your hand before running toward your house while you giggled. Even if you were cold and wet at that moment, you didn’t care. Once you were in your house, you went to grab a towel, but Gabriel grabbed your arms and pulled you closer to him.  “Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded.

You smiled and rolled your eyes. He loved to tease you like that. “We need towels unless you want to catch a cold?”

“Don’t worry about that. I am a nurse remember? I will take care of you if we reach that bridge later,” he cooed. “So, the cliché outside was fun, but I never got an answer to my question?”

You smiled at him. “Well, I don’t know what the question was, exactly, because of said cliché distracting me,” you teased.

Gabriel sighed. “Girl, you are killing me.”

You giggled. “What’s the matter, Gabe? You don’t like when your fiancée teases you as much as you do?” You winked at him.

He grinned and opened his mouth, but the sound of hands clapping made you both turn toward it. “Well done, brother,” Lucifer mocked, still clapping. “You took my girl, took my house, and now you’re tying it all up in a bow by marrying her!” He glared at Gabriel, his hands dropping.

Gabriel immediately placed you behind him. “What can I say, I have my ways,” he replied and eyed him suspiciously. “To what do I owe the displeasure of your intrusion?”

“Because you asked so nicely, I’ll tell you. I was here to talk. And by the way, I still have a key,” he pointed out, showing it to you.

You frowned, but you weren’t sure if you were supposed to interfere between them. Unconsciously, you stepped forward.

A car horn brought you back to reality with a blast. You stepped back and let the car pass you, your eyes not leaving it until it was out of sight. Turning back, before you was the sign for the cemetery. You’d been so distracted by your memories, you couldn’t have said how you got there. After a few minutes of waiting there for no logical reason, you took a deep breath, then started to walk inside, repeating to yourself like a mantra, ‘You can do this.’

Like it was yesterday, and not three months ago, your feet took you to Bobby’s and Ellen’s graves. You stared at the graves and sighed. You had been going there since they passed away and barely going to Gabriel’s, but this time you needed him. “I’ll be back later,” you whispered while walking away. You didn’t need to walk far before you reached the Shurley tomb, then nervously and slowly pushed the small wrought iron door open.

You walked inside and went straight to his grave, yet when you saw his name written in gold against it, you froze. With your hand shaking, you touched the golden letters while tears formed in your eyes. You tried to hold them back, but you couldn’t. As they fell, you fell, down onto the floor, sobbing as the memory of the worst day of your life came back and overwhelmed you.

Lucifer had just stabbed Gabriel twice. You screamed Gabriel’s name and tried to go toward him, but Lucifer had another idea. He was coming toward you with a deadly look in his eyes. Luckily, Castiel rushed in when he heard you scream and saved you. Cas knocked him out, as you were too paralyzed by fear to move. Even though Cas tried his best to snap you out of it, you were in shock. Gabriel was bleeding out, but he was still conscious. His groans and weak calls for you finally made you snap out it.

After that, although you were well aware of what was happening, everything went so fast that you barely had any chance to react. You were taken to the hospital with Gabriel and went into the emergency room. His last words to you before he was carried away , ‘I love you.’ After waiting for hours with Cas by your side, your family and his arrived one by one until the doctor told you the inevitable. Gabriel died on the operating table, and the doctors couldn’t do much about it.

You wiped your tears away. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come back here, but I didn’t know who else to talk to,” you whispered weakly. “For some reason, I can’t forget you.”

Sam’s Pov

Sam sighed as he checked his phone for the third time in less than 20 minutes. He was worried about (Y/N). With Lucifer around, Sam knew it would be scary and traumatic for her. Sam sighed. He knew how much Gabriel meant to (Y/N) and he was wondering if he had a place in her heart. They had seen each other a lot lately, making their friendship slowly evolve into what seemed to be a relationship, but did she feel the same?

“Sam? What do you think?” Jo’s voice brought him back from his daydream.

Sam tilted his head. “What? Nobody!” He gasped as he glanced back at Jo and Dean in front of him.

Dean smirked. “About the bar, Sammy. Who were you thinking about? Let me guess…,” he started.

“Guys! This is a serious matter, we are in it, now. We don't have time for distractions!” Jo hissed.

Both boys raised an eyebrow. They were used to her temper and her screaming at other people, but never once had she raised her voices at them until now.

“Listen, Jo. We know this is important for the bar, but you have to understand, we also have other issues outside the bar," Sam said, trying to calm her.

“You probably need some distraction, too," Dean mumbled.

Sam nudged him to try and keep him quiet, but, unfortunately, Jo heard it. She glared at him. “Really? Dean? You are barely able to be faithful for more than 2 weeks! You are just lucky that Lisa wants you in the first place,” Jo blurted out.

Both brothers were taken back by what she had just said to Dean. Sam could see Dean being hurt by her words, knowing well that Lisa and Dean's relationship had recently started to be more stable. “Jo, hold on! We are all frustrated and up--” Sam began.

Jo laughed. “Yeah, apparently I seem to be the only one concerned about the bar. This shouldn’t have happened, Sam! You should have told us sooner!” she pointed out, grabbing a paper from the bank. Before Sam could say something, she stood up. “You two have been distracted, not caring enough about our legacy,” she said, clearly trying to hold back tears.

“Jo, listen, it’s not tr--” Sam tried again.

“It is. Ever since you came back, you only have eyes for (Y/N), just like in high school. She never noticed you back then, why do you think she would now? You’re the boss after all.” With that, she left the office, slamming the door shut behind her.

Sam held his breath, only realizing it when the door slammed. Jo had a temper, and sometimes this could happen. Well, that’s what he was guessing.

“She isn’t wrong, you know. We’ve all been distracted, even if you were the one working here. You’ve only really noticed (Y/N),” Dean said, making Sam turn toward him.

“Dean--” he started.

“Listen, brother, I know you tried to fix things here. But to be honest with you, your focus was (Y/N), and I am guessing she is part of the reason why you stayed here. Although I suspect other means for that, too,” Dean guessed. “Now, I suggest you fix the main problem, because our sister needs you, and you need to focus on her.” He put his jacket on and headed for the door.

Sam opened his mouth, but he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Both turned their head to see (Y/N). “Hey Sam… sorry, do you want me to come back later?” you asked.

Dean rolled his eyes. “No, it’s fine, we are done!” he said before walking out of the office after she stepped aside.

“Is there something wrong?” she wondered.

Sam shook his head. “Everything is fine. Do you need something?”

She nodded, then widened her eyes at the paper. “The bank wants to take the bar! Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, perplexed.

Sam closed his eyes for a few seconds. “It’s complicated, and I didn’t want to worry you more,” he said grabbing the paper.

(Y/N) frowned. “Sam…,” she began.

“Listen, (Y/N) you have a lot on your mind with Lucifer out. You don’t need that at the moment, plus this doesn’t concern you that much.”

She frowned. “Sam, I am here to help you, and this concerns me because... Well, you know how I feel about you, and I hope you feel the same,”.

Sam rubbed his face. “(Y/N)... You know I do, but this isn’t the right time. It’s just not our time yet.”

She widened her eyes. “Right. I’m sorry,” she said, sounding very sad. “Alright. I’m just going to do my job, then.”

Sam felt like he messed up this one. He didn’t want to push her away like that, but his siblings were partially right. He wasn’t 100% focused on the bar. He let her go and, once alone, he sat down in the chair and put his head in his hands, thinking he might have just screwed up things with her.

2 days later

Sam walked into Benny’s diner, where he was supposed to meet Benny. He knew that every year the bar and the diner organized a joint dinner party, and he was lucky that this year the whole thing was hosted by Benny. He would still need help with serving and alcohol, though. It was always prepared like that for anyone who needed to be around other people and couldn't be with their family. And of course, the waitress usually left around 10 PM so they could be home with their family.

Both talked about every detail of the event so they wouldn't miss a thing. They only finished around 7pm, which gave them time to go home and change. Sam was happy that the house was empty for once. Ever since that letter came from the bank, Dean and Jo regularly came to discuss the ‘right thing to do’, and firing some employee was the last thing that he wanted to do.

When Sam was taking a shower, the landline phone rang, but he decided to ignore it instead of running while all wet. However, five minutes later, the doorbell rang. Sam sighed. Lucky him, he was just finishing. He wrapped a towel around his waist and put a T-shirt on before walking down the stairs to open the door.

“Ruby!?” He gasped in surprise.

(Y/N)'s Pov

You were getting ready for the event tonight, and not to enjoy the dinner, but to work. For the first time in 10 years, you weren’t a part of the festivities, but working there. It slightly bothered you, but there was nothing you could do.

You put your uniform on for the night, with Sam on your mind. In fact, he was on your mind all the time, and there was nothing you could do about it. Because he was your boss, things were especially difficult between the two of you. With Jo pressuring him all the time, everything had been just successions of awkward moments and glares coming from her.

“(Y/N)? Are you here?” Charlie called out to you.

You turned your head toward the door and raised an eyebrow before going to check. “Charlie? You’re already home?” you asked, surprised.

Charlie chuckled. “Of course, silly... Wow, girl, your breasts got bigger since last time I saw you. Did you get plastic surgery?” she asked.

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous they are still the same.” You shook your head. “I am sorry I forgot to pick you up from the airport!” You hugged her. “I missed you.”

“A whole month without me and you are helpless,” she joked. “But you do have bigger boobs, sister,” Charlie commented before stepping back.

You shrugged. “Come on, I told you they’re not,” you said. “Sorry I can’t stay, I have to work in 2 hours.”

“What!? Why? You never worked before! What changed? Did something happen between you and Sam? Or is it Jo?” she inquired.

You pressed your lips together while thinking about it for a few seconds. You knew Charlie would keep asking, and even worse, go to talk to Sam and Jo. It was best to just explain the whole situation to her, but maybe avoid telling her about the part where you went to the cemetery and cried like a baby. It wasn’t something she needed to know, especially knowing exactly what she would tell you.

                                                            *

2 hours later

You were going from table to table, taking orders and dropping off food, trying to keep up with the hectic pace. You knew most of the customers, and they were nice to you, with the exception, of course, being Jo. She made sure you had to do all of your work alone, even though the other waitresses were trying to help you out. During the dinner, you noticed Jo talking, or more like flirting, with Cole. After she left, though, you didn’t think more about it. You were more concerned about the girl Sam had brought with him. She was constantly close to him and touching him.

You were hurt, and finally understood why he didn’t want to date. He obviously already had a girlfriend. You sighed, and when you couldn't take it anymore, you went upstairs to the bathroom, hoping to be alone. However, after five minutes alone, someone knocked at the door.

“(Y/N)?” Charlie’s voice called out.

You sighed. “Not now, Charlie.”

“Come on, (Y/N), you can’t just be standing here forever,” she said.

“I can,” you affirmed. “Just, please, don’t make me go back down there.”

Nothing came out of Charlie, but the door was quickly unlocked, and Charlie opened it with a smile. “I knew that those skills would be put to good use,” she said, walking in and pulling you into a hug. “It’s going to be alright,” she whispered.

“I don’t think so. Sam and that girl seem to be well into their relationship,” you softly sobbed.

“Forget about him. He’s dumb if he doesn’t see how beautiful and smart you are.”

“Yeah, the problem is I can’t forget about him.” You shook your head.

Charlie raised both eyebrows. “Why not?”

You didn’t say anything, just grabbed your bag, opened it, and pulled something out.

She widened her eyes. “Holy shit is that….!?”

Tag:  @dr-dean, @helvonasche, @wevegotworktodo, @thorne93, @aprofoundbondwithdean, @faith-in-dean, @roxy-davenport,  @fangirl1802, @percywinchester27,  , @girl-next-door-writes, @kittenofdoomage, @supernatural-jackles, @mysupernaturalfics, @izawrites,  @jelly-beans-and-gstrings , @ariannnawinchester, @thing-you-do-with-that-thing, @jensen-jarpad, @secretlyfurrydragon, @thisismexxo,  @wonderfulworldofwinchester, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @aingealcethlenn

She hadn’t talked to me in months. Missions collided, everyone else needing her attention. I get it, she was the most badass assassin I had seen. She was confident, intimidating, powerful. But I couldn’t help to think back on everything.

The way she held my hand with our fingers intertwined. The way she looked so peaceful sleeping in my arms. Her laugh, god, her laugh. And everything had stopped. She wouldn’t sit with me, she never spent the weekends at our hidden apartment. I had fallen for her, but I wasn’t the only one she wanted.

I saw her leaving the training grounds of the compound, Steve and Bucky laughing with her. It took everything in me to sprint over there. To figure out what to say.

“Tell me I’m the only one,” I screamed at her back, tears forming in my eyes.

“What’s wrong, Y/n?” Steve said, quickly reaching out before I pushed him away.

“Tell me I’m the only one.” I whispered, sobbing, wrapping my arms around myself, unable to look at anything but her. Nat’s soft hands reached up, tucking the strands of hair that had fallen in my face behind my ear. She gave a look to the boys and they understood, walking on to their destination.

“люблю, what are you talking about?” Her voice was soft, and I curled into her hands missing her touch.

“Am I the only one who needs you? Who craves your presence?” My heart hammered in my chest at her silence. I was right, she didn’t feel the same. I had to let go. Taking a step back I nodded my head and turned back to the commons silently.

“You are the only one I dream about. The only one I fear losing on missions.” I stopped walking. “You are the only one whose smile turns my day around and whose laugh is intoxicating.” I felt her hand on my shoulder and turned to look at her, a grin breaking through my features. “You’re the only one I didn’t want to lose, but I didn’t want to force you either.” Reaching up, her thumb wipes away the tears, happy or sad I didn’t know anymore.

“So to answer your question, yes, you’re the only one I want to be with.”

I chuckled lightly, my heart swelling as I looked into her eyes, the same ones I couldn’t get out of my head. Our lips met, soft and slow with no need to rush, we only had forever to savor each moment.