#iypn

To the latest review on fanfiction... Chi-Chan, this is literally all Mikey could see when she read your message. She called Raph weezing, so hard she could barely breathe.

We don’t write romance, so this will never happen in canon, but we hope you enjoyed this portrayal of your fantasy as we understood it.

Kuroko wasn’t really born into the mediator role (nor did he have enough friends to teach him that particular skill early on).

No, his expertise came in the form of Aomine and Hinata.

“I’m telling you, he was my friend first!”

“How? You barely spoke five words to each other!”

An incredulous sniff from Hinata that sounded reminiscent of Midorima. Hinata was taking well to his new senpai, it would seem.

“Like I need words to find someone worthy of spending time with. Only you would have to chat someone’s ear off for hours to see if they could handle your stupidity.”

“Why you—!”

“Aomine-kun, Hinata-kun, please don’t fight.”

“Ha! See, five words and I’m still on the same level as you, Aomine-kun.”

“Please don’t provoke him, Hinata-san.”

“Oh, looks like someone just got demoted, Hinata-san,” Aomine jeered, throwing an arm over Kuroko’s shoulder. He twitched at the unexpected contact, and Hinata pulled him away just as quickly. 

“Oh an you’re so much better-- you can’t even tell when he’s uncomfortable! I bet you couldn’t even see him the first time you went into the 4th gym.” 

“Oh and you’re saying you could?” 

“Guys,” Kuroko protested, twisting out of both their grips as tension started to fly. “Weren’t we here for something?”

Both boys blinked at him in surprise before brightening at seeing they had reached their destination. 

“Maji burger! C’mon, Kuroko, you have to try it.” Hinata said, pushing him into the fast food place from behind. 

“I still can’t believe you’ve never had it before,” Aomine drawled, walking in behind them with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Kuroko sighed as he walked up to the register, hoping they wouldn’t make too much of a scene when the cashier inevitably failed to pick up his presence. 

Thankfully Hinata spared him the opening act as he rattled off his order, then picked a fight with Aomine as the two duked it out over who could eat more. Kuroko coughed again before it could escalate further, and both turned to him with matching grins. 

“Right! Tetsu, waddya want?” Aomine said, backing off from Hinata, who was still glaring daggers. 

Nothing, now, Kuroko wanted to say, having fully been turned off from the idea of burgers from the sheer amount the two had ordered. But they wouldn’t let him off the hook without ordering something, so . . . 

“That,” he decided, pointing to the least greasy food item he could find. Both the cashier and the boys followed his finger, and Aomine turned to gawk at him. 

“A milkshake? Really?” 

“What’s wrong with it?” Hinata demanded, getting right back up in his face. 

“It’s not even a burger!” 

“So?! We didn’t bring him here to get a burger, just to try what he liked!” 

“Chocolate or Vanilla?” The cashier said, just a bit desperately. 

Kuroko frowned a bit, but, considering how much chocolate he already ate, plus the fact that his family chefs had probably made dessert for when he got back . . . 

“Vanilla,” He decided, and then went up to pay to avoid the commentary sure to erupt, if Aomine’s opening mouth was any indication. A grunt from behind him made him positive he owed Hinata something nice for elbowing Aomine into silence.

The cashier nodded gratefully and had the order ready in almost a flash--a testament to how routinely Aomine and Hinata came here, if they were prepped for that many burgers at this time of night.

“So why have you never been to Maji Burger before?” Aomine asked, as they settled down in a booth. 

Kuroko shrugged, fiddling with the wrapper of the straw he’d been given. “Never had a need to. My-- my cook makes sure I have enough food for the day, and dinner prepped for whenever I get back. Going home to eat is faster than ‘fast’ food is.” 

Aomine’s eyes widened, and he started hacking on his burger at the word “cook”. Hinata, however, just brightened and threw himself across the table to ruffle Kuroko’s hair. 

“Well, we’ll just have to make sure you get lots and lots! Maji Burger is the usual hangout, after all.” 

“Since when?!” Aomine demanded, as soon as he finished coughing. 

“Since now! All traditions have to start somewhere!” 

“What makes you think I want to make traditions with you?!” Aomine retorted. 

Kuroko jabbed the straw into his shake and took a deep sip to occupy him (give him an excuse so he didn’t have to intervene, more like), and promptly froze. 

“... Kuroko?” Hinata asked trepidatiously, frozen mid-cheek-stretch with Aomine trying to pry the oranget off of him.

Kuroko turned his head, trying to hide the sudden sparkle in his eyes. “It’s good,” He said finally. 

A pause. Then, 

“Wahoo! Yo, Ao-teme, we need to come here every day! Or maybe every week, cuz we have practice late most days and I really need to study for my Math exams-- ooh, or maybe you guys can help me with them?” 

“What makes you think I’m any better at Math than you are?!” 

“I think it’s a great idea,” Kuroko interjected softly. Both boys looked at him, but for once he didn’t shrink in discomfort. Shake cradled between both hands, he stared at the two, waiting for their response. 

Aomine reacted first, chuckling and shaking his head. “I ain’t paying every day.” 

“We’ll take turns,” Kuroko suggested, and the other two were quick to agree. 

Kuroko never really got in the habit of eating breakfast— at least until he started sleeping over at Hinata’s house. The full American Breakfast he is treated to the next morning makes him both ecstatic and horrified— and that day goes down in history as the fullest he’s ever been in his LIFE.

The first few times it happens, they aren’t sure if Kageyama is serious or not.

When he responds to Noya’s “I would die for you” with a “please don’t do that Noya-senpai”, they think he missed the joke.

Until it happens again. And again. And again-

Tanaka, Noya, even Sugawara-senpai try and explain to him that “they’re not actually serious, Kageyama-Kun, it’s just a meme-“

Nothing works.

Eventually, The team comes to accept that any memes focused on Kageyama will go infulfilled and unrecognized. It starts becoming a joke all its own, new inside jokes taking the place of the old.

Hinata keeps quiet about the little knowing smirks that appear on Kageyama’s face every time someone groans about him “not understanding pop culture.”

Or that time Kuroko accidentally made an entire street believe it’s haunted. 

“C’mon, Tetsu! We gotta get to Maji Burger before they close!” Aomine yelled from across the street, a car passing with an irritated honk. Kuroko shook his head. 

“Stupid Aomine, why can he get away with jaywalking and we can’t?” Hinata whined. His friend looked antsy, bouncing from foot to foot and looking for a break in the cars. 

“Lets go, slowpokes!” Aomine called again, and Kuroko watched in horror as Hinata’s eyes narrowed before he shot off like a rocket, dodging through a gap between cars that Kuroko never would. 

Hinata was obviously winded after the sprint, shirt already soaked through from the practice that had gone long, and nearly toppled over when Aomine greeted him with an overenthusiastic pat on the back. 

They both looked to him, though, gesturing him across the street as the cars began to slow. 

Kuroko shook his head. 

There was no way. He tried to avoid crossing streets when the light was green, let alone when cars were racing past every which way. 

“Tetsu, what’s wrong? Get a move on, we’re going to miss them!” Aomine called, looking slightly agitated. 

His heart rate picked up, and he shifted from foot to foot, glancing at the light, thinking maybe it would turn if he just wished hard enough. 

“Kuroko? You all right?” Hinata called, and Kuroko could see the worried crease between his eyebrows from here. That, more than anything, made his shoulders straighten. 

He blinked at the sign, waiting for it to turn, and stepped off the corner the instant it did. He only got a couple steps when . . .  

Hooooooooooonk!

He skittered forwards in front of the car, narrowly missing getting clipped, before landing at Hinata and Aomine’s side, heart racing. Their eyes were wide, staring at him like he’d grown a second head. 

“What on earth! Was that guy even looking where he was going? I’m gonna rip his head off if he tries that stunt again!” 

Aomine had obviously had time to take in the situation, because he immediately looked down the road like he wanted to track down the perpetrator right then and there. Hoping to diffuse some of the tension, Kuroko shrugged. 

“It always happens on this road,” Kuroko said as calmly as he could with his heart trying to beat through his chest. “I’ve gotten used to it.” 

“Gotten used to it?” Hinata said incredulously. “You shouldn’t have to get used to it, they should learn to slow down and actually look where they’re going!” 

Kuroko glanced between the two boys, wondering at their change in attitude. Not two minutes prior the only thing on their minds had been getting to Maji Burger and ordering a heaping portion of food. Now, they were looking like they wanted to grill and serve the driver for nearly hitting him. 

“It’s not a big deal?” Kuroko tried again, putting a hand over his heart. “It’s gotten better, really. I haven’t had to go to the hospital this year at all.” 

Aomine landed his face in his hands and groaned, long and loud. Hinata was much more vocal, throwing his hands towards the sky, worried crease looking like it was going to be permanently etched into his face. “Kuroko! Normal people don’t have to go to the hospital every year because they get hit by stupid drivers--”

“Promise you won’t ever cross here without us,” Aomine pleaded, bringing his head up out of his hands. “I don’t want to think about what Akashi would do to us if he found out you ended up in the hospital on our watch.” 

“Ok,” Kuroko agreed, baffled. Whatever would make them stop staring at him with that . . . look on their faces. 

Hinata’s shoulders slumped, and he flopped his arm across Kuroko’s shoulders with forced cheer. “You know what this means, Ao-teme? We have our own resident ghost story!”

“What are you going on about now, carrot top?” 

“Think about it!” Hinata insisted, wiggling his fingers before putting on a “ghost story” voice. “Young boy dies trying to cross the street. He forever haunts those same footsteps, never able to get to the other side! Watch for him in the road, for you never know when he will . . . APPEAR!” 

“That sounds stupid,” Aomine deadpanned, and Hinata launched himself off Kuroko’s shoulder to tackle him. 

Kuroko coughed a laugh, a short, wheezy thing, spawned more from adrenaline and shock than honest humor, but still. It was good to know his friends always had his back. 

“How are you this bad at- don’t you start learning this in elementary school?”

“What the heck is ‘elementary school’? And anyway, it’s not like it matters-”

“Oh no of course it doesn’t matter, it’s only one of the most spoken languages in the world- Ah Kuroko! Come help me with this idiot!?”

“Ah- help with what, exactly?”

“Ao-baka asked for help with English- all he knows is swear words. Badly pronounced swear words.”

Kuroko only blinks. “You know English isn’t even my second language right? You’ll have better luck on your own.”

Hinata puts his head down and groans, while Aomine rubs his head sheepishly.

“Would this be a bad time to admit that I need help with Math too?” 

Hinata’s second groan doesn’t quite cover Kuroko’s soft laugh.