#ixstus

                            ‘ why are you CRYING? ‘ there are TEARS streaking across his cheeks, a sudden && UNEXPECTED change in the atmosphere around their TWINING souls. SNEERS and JIBES, sharpened tongue decreeing all that were a meaningless JOKE. they have grown too far, too fast, the years UNKIND to a man once so PURE. the younger KNOWS the other is not here to be WILLING. knows that the ANGEL that still HAUNTS his dreams is SICKENED at his touch, his words. he is DESPERATE, yet not for him. he needs the BLACK DIVINE’s help. and the black divine needs HIM. FOR A PRICE, he had said, eyes narrowed and teeth BARED; a challenge he is all too aware he will WIN. sebastian is a DEDICATED man. he will SACRIFICE for the GREATER GOOD. he always has. he always will. yet when cheek TURNS from his hands, skin FLUSHED yet face filled with a DISGUST he can FEEL, there is a rage HIDDEN behind his eyes. it BREAKS, falls open to the world he had FORGOTTEN. not of choice, but of CIRCUMSTANCE. hands SHAKE as sobs fall quietly from softened lips, body atop the man he had believed GONE. he MISSES him, even now. MISSES the laughs, the slight touches. he misses the LIPS that would find his without LIGHT; an EASE he has always CRAVED, always held DEAR. yet, no matter how he YEARNS, the sight of his SAVIOUR, his LOVER, shying away from his touch as if BURNED, as if POISONED && covered in the BLOOD he had sworn to HELP. he cannot do this. he cannot HURT the man who gave him EVERYTHING. there is a hand slowly moving, CARESSING the SIN he all but FLAUNTS. it soothes the FIRE beneath his skin, the RAGE that demands sebastian  to HURT and BLEED. it quiets the beast within his chest; a sea of SHIPS no longer able to SAIL. he is a CHILD again. he is DECIUS. it holds him where he SHATTERS, skin && bone failing beneath the WEIGHT of his past.  it slides against BLACKENED and TAINTED shell, HEALS the DAMAGE he has been BLIND to && decius feels as if he is being FORGIVEN. it comes to rest gently upon his cheek, STRENGTH hidden beneath such CALM. he is a STORM, he realises, full of a BEAUTY rarely seen. he sees it now, FEELS it, in the touch he now WILLINGLY gives.                                  he’s CRYING. he’s SORRY.                                      ‘ decius? is that you? ‘                                      why are you CRYING? he TETHERS himself to those words, spoken as if they would BREAK the image of FORGOTTEN LOVE. head tilts to PRESS into it, NEEDY in this VULNERABLE state. there are words JUMPING at his tongue, waiting to be RELEASED  into the space between them. they are CONFESSIONS he had held in, PRAYERS for the ANGEL blanketed in SIN && LOVE. he wishes  to speak, wishes to, at last, EXPEL his DEMONS.                                   WHY are you CRYING?         because he cannot be the MAN sebastian DESERVES.

[10:02:45 AM] kool fade dad: he’s like. well now that u just saw me throw my lungs up [10:02:48 AM] kool fade dad: winks. hey there [10:03:32 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : GOD [10:04:14 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : sebastian lowkey: FUCKING GROSS [10:04:22 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : sebastian externally: pat pat [10:04:30 AM] kool fade dad: l uaAGHS [10:04:31 AM] kool fade dad: ITS THE [10:04:35 AM] kool fade dad: PETTNG W/A BROOM THING [10:04:41 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : YEAH [10:04:54 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : sebastian: IM HERE 4 U BRO sebsatian: from a distance [10:05:06 AM] kool fade dad: im f cuckign dying [10:05:17 AM] kool fade dad: im so sorry seb as least he didn't do it on you [10:05:49 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : TRUE [10:06:04 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : i ca  n  n to  believe dec [10:06:24 AM] kool fade dad: wh at [10:06:39 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : fucking [10:06:47 AM] kool fade dad: he's sTILL HALF IN AND OUT OF IT HE'S LIKE this is fake isn't it [10:06:49 AM] Sebastian "i'm a cat person" vael : dec: vomits dec: EYYYYYyyyyyy buddy [10:06:57 AM] kool fade dad: YEAH HES S TILL  D RUNK