#iwouldratherbedead

I love that I look like a piece of shit in this whole thing. I wish someone would actually look at me for a fucking second and realise that I am not okay and that two people are hurting.. Maybe even for a second think about how I never even saw this coming, the rug was literally pulled from under my feet, everything I thought I knew.. And thought was, was no more, torn away before I could take a single breath. I can laugh and joke and be happy all day so that I don't put other people in misery but that doesn't stop my chest from pounding through my ribs every morning I wake up, it doesn't stop my mind from racing so fast I feel exhausted just thinking let alone breathing. This is why I don't count on anybody, when you need someone they won't be there. Nothing. Lasts. Forever.