#iwishididnt

dude i dont even fucking know what to say about you. I thought about writing about you in my dream journal but I’m not ready to manifest you. So here you are. On this tiny tumblr post no-one will ever see. If you do happen to see this (you should go try the lottery with those odds first of all) hi! I really like you. I think I’m falling for you and it’s terrifying because I doubt you’ll be there for me the way I need. And it’s nothing personal, or maybe it is. I could blame it on you being a gemini but the realist in me knows it’s because you’re too smart for your own good and you have trust issues-typical lmao. you’re a guy in his twenties, what should I expect? but onto the fluffy stuff, I like that you use hair gel. lol. does it make sense? no. but even tho you work in the back and sweat your ass off everyday and wear dirty white sneakers you still always smell good and your hair is always done. And I appreciate it. I like that you’re as smart as I am- if not a little more so in some areas- it was hard to admit that at first but now I admit it freely and have even told you. In fact, if you were actually to ever read this I don’t think that you would be surprised by any of this. We text every day, in fact I think my phone just vibrated my bed. the way your energy vibrates my pussy. oops it got sexual but it always does. I like that you try to make me cum every time I see you now. you touch me and talk to me in ways that I didn’t know I longed for. You whisper my name in my ear and I melt on your car seat. your tan skin gripping my creamy white curves. I wish you’d kiss me forever. You bite my lip and my throat and I am so grateful. I wish you’d fuck me but every time I ask you “why not?” you say “I don’t want to ruin this.” I couldn’t agree more. But I want you, I crave you. I want you to quench my thirst, I wan’t to show you what I feel for you with my body. Maybe that’s too much, and maybe that’s just the scorpio in me or maybe I’m love-starved. Maybe that’s why when you cup my face in your hands and pull me back into your arms it sends me into an orbit around that big bright star, and it’s just you and I. we love each other in secret. that’s right, I said it. I may not be in love with you yet but I do love you. you’re one of my closest friends and I hope that we continue. and I make this quiet promise to you and to myself now that even if the sex is awkward or we fuck with each other’s hearts too much, that we remain friends the best we can. because that’s what real love is. we flirt with each other at work. we may get too close to each other and some people give us a funny look, but I don’t care, it makes my heart pound. I love that you don’t care either. you do what you want. you take what you want, and you said so yourself “I want you”. so take me.

-_Cat_-

That she’s going to be around and that you’re going to see her, that your friends like her better than me, that she lives here now, that you two dated in the past, that you share certain memories with her, that she was your first love, that I don’t feel like I’m good enough for you especially not now, that I don’t know if I can handle this, that all my insecurities are showing, that I’m jealous, that hearing her name always makes me want to cry, that I feel like my world is crashing down now, that I’m crazy for feeling all of this, that she has been the cause for a few major arguments between us, that she didn’t really cause the problems it was mostly me. I’m happy she’s back if that’s going to make other happy, because that’s type of person I am. But now she’s back and everyone’s happy, your friends are the ones I’m referring to, and you say they ask how I’m doing when they know this is really tough for me. So answer this, why hasn’t anybody directly asked me how I’m doing? Don’t answer, I’ll answer it for you, it’s because they don’t really care. So I’m left in the dust here, feeling like I’m not even good enough for your friends, their is no denying they like her better, and I know I don’t feel good enough because of my own insecurities. Some of your friends that told me that they hat her, but follow her on social media but they seem just as I’m live with her as everyone else does. And everyone is making me feel psychotic and irrational for feeling this way so I guess I’ll put these feelings away for the sake of everyone else. But for the sake of my mental health I wish she hadn’t moved back.

The 'before' picture. #yougotthis #iwishididnt #winter #ygk #shovelling

I had a dream last night, and you weren't in it. Finally. Progress right?

But what's done is done