#iwanttofeelnormal

What a week it has been. I’ve really struggled this week and I don’t know why.

Let’s catch up.

I am moving house next month! So much is happening right now. I am pleased that I will be leaving this place for the sake of a drastic change and having the opportunity to be able to make the new place MINE. I want to be able to make it a cosy little place with a welcoming feel. This house doesn’t quite have that effect. I am excited for the change and think it will do me good.

Unfortunately, this week has been difficult and to be honest with you and myself. I don’t know why.

I’ve struggled to sleep at night since Monday, feeling generally unwell. I’ve felt sick with no appetite whatsoever and to top it all off my head won’t shut up! Its like my brain is chatting away with all things that could happen. Anxiety is the worst. I seem to be over stimulated now from sounds, my phone, lights and people in general. It’s like I have a little voice inside my head gossiping, I hate it! On Tuesday I spent the day working in the office and out of nowhere I had the urge to scream. Scream what? I don’t know! It was like a pulsating feeling inside my head with pressure, it was horrible, and I felt like I was so close to loosing control. I feel like I’m loosing control.

Do I need to see a doctor about it? Is this personality disorder. Its scary. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I know something is not right.

I see my counsellor on a Wednesday eve and I even tried to explain this to them but how do I put it into words without sounding crazy. I am exhausted, I have a headache and all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. I think life is catching up with me. I have had to book some days off work for my own sanity. If I didn’t, I’m sure I would snap completely.

I wish I could pull myself together.