#itsdannifandom

“She made me feel... like I was EVERYTHING.”

Spent the day with my wonderful girlfriend @itsdannifandom.

ordered takeout watched gurren lagann, paranormal activity the ghost dimension, and sonic x, plus we played pikmin.

‘Pinned to the wall, she glared up at him with confusion and fury in her eyes, while his were filled with anger and annoyance. The two had a short stare off before she demanded to know why he was acting like such a jerk, and why he would constantly lead her on to believe he was a genuinely nice guy and liked her, only to spit on those assumptions and go back to being the asshole he was known for being. He simply scoffed, stating that if she thought he was such a jerk and couldn’t stand his bipolar nature, then why she would always hang around him. Why would she bother to talk to and try to make nice with someone she seemed to ‘hate’ as much as he ‘hated’ her? She was taken aback by such a question, feeling her cheeks flush a tad at that.  “I-I was just being nice to you, hoping maybe we could be friends or something... but you’re always doing this to me, always pushing me away right when I start to feel closer to you...” He caught that tremor in her words, flushing pink in the cheeks as well when he saw just how nervous she was in that moment... That’s when he realized the position they were currently in. Left arm beside her to keep her trapped against the wall, right arm held high, his hand pinning her wrists together above her head so she couldn’t punch him. One of his legs was mere centimeters away from being right in between hers, and their bodies were flushed together. If anyone saw them in such a state, without knowing of their “hate” towards each other, they probably would’ve thought that they were a couple or something... She must have had the same realization as he did, as her cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink. “Although... today must be a full moon or something since I’m very close to you right now and you’re not pushing me away this time...” she muttered, eyes still locked with his in an intense gaze full of emotions the pair could not understand. He gulped slightly, not realizing that he was starting to lean in closer towards her face, his forehead grazing hers through her bangs.  “Maybe this time... I don’t want to push you away... Maybe this time... I want you to be closer to me..” he mumbled, his mind going blank as his heart began to race... was she always this... this beautiful? He couldn’t even remember at that moment in time all those previous times the two would bicker and fight like children... All he could think about was how gorgeous she was, and how badly he wanted to... to...  “Are you sure about that? How do I know you’re not just toying with me again? How do I know that this isn’t you just messing with my.. w-with my emotions?” she paused, her eyes darting to his lips for a split second, before going back to meet his gaze. “If you’re being sincere right now... prove it to me... Prove it to me that you’re not going to push me away... Because for once, I want to know how you really feel about me..” she finished, leaning a tad bit closer to him, her body relaxing and her heart beating like a drum. Yes, she always found him attractive... but for some odd reason, at that moment he was glowing. It felt like a moment in a fairytale or some cheesy romance novel or movie... Except, was he going to do it? Was if he backed off? What if he doesn’t like her? What if... what if- Her mind went blank, her breathing halted, and her heart nearly jumped out of her chest. She could only do nothing when she first felt the warm sensation of his lips on hers. Once it processed in her mind what was happening, she let herself go and through all reasoning out the window, and kissed him back with equal passion. Her face felt like fire, his felt like pure lava, the two have never kissed anyone before and only knew how it was supposed to feel through stories... but they never imagined that it would feel this amazing... He loosened his grip on her wrists so he could wrap both of his arms around her waist, to which she responded by quickly wrapping her arms around his neck. Her body shivered and she felt weak at the knees, she could only whimper against his lips as he gripped onto the back of his uniform for support and reassurance that this was real. That this was truly happening. He must have sensed her worry, as he too felt that same anxiousness and desperation to confirm that what was happening was indeed a reality, so he pulled her closer to him and kissed her deeper. The next few seconds felt like hours in a dream, like all time had stopped and allowed them to indulge in their strange feelings for one another... the feelings that the pair had yet to confirm to themselves was real and not some spur of the moment sexual tension... But what of the aftermath? What will happen to the pair once their moment of passionate bliss ends? Well, that is for them to decide... but for now, the two deserve to allow their feelings to show, even for a short moment... and maybe, just maybe, this will be the start of a beautiful romance? 

This was a Valentines Day 'comic’ I made as a gift for a dear friend of mine back in 2017, back when we were still friends. This was supposed to be herself/self oc paired up with Karamatsu from Osomatsu San (our favorite anime at the time), and it was based on Aphmau Pheonix Drop High and a high school AU! we created for the roleplays we did with Karamatsu. 

Sadly, due to a lot of really bad circumstances, we had a bad falling out and our friendship came to an end on the night of October 31st 2017.... though it has been over a year now, the wounds haven’t fully healed... there were a lot of things that happened to us that have left scars on both of us. We didn’t treat each other like people, but rather objects and toys... something that ultimately led to the downfall of our almost three year long friendship... Alongside that, there was a lot of lying, heartache, fighting, threats, manipulation, insults and suicide attempts on both ends... Even after everything ended, the pain was still there for us both.... Even now, the scars have taken their toll on me... I rarely leave my home, I quit my job and got a smalltime job as a nanny for my moms coworker and friend just so I wouldn’t have to be around other people, and I don’t have any friends... And I’ve developed a strong fear of social interaction to where I’ll break down crying if I talk to people, even if they’re my own family... Because of this, I cling to my boyfriend and little brother both for safety and protection, like I’m some scared little kid at some strangers house party... And I don’t even have to ask her or check her social medias to know that my old friend has gone through her own fair share of heartaches and struggles and breakdowns due to the mental and emotional scarring our toxic friendship has left on her... I can only imagine how she is holding up now...

But because it’s a new year, I want all of that to change... I’m sick of being afraid all the time, I’m sick of my nature to cling onto the past and only the bad memories from the past... I want to remember all the good times she and I have shared together as best friends, and cherish them for what they are. I no longer want to be scared to meet new people or hurt anyone I care for anymore, and I no longer want to loom in the mirror each day and see a monster unworthy of love. I want to change for the better so that I can become a bigger better me, and stop feeling sorry for myself all the time like I have been my whole life.

So I want to start off the New Year fresh, by finally admitting to the world and to my friend if she’s reading this, that yes, I was an abusive friend and girlfriend. I was a bad friend and have said and done a LOT of bad things. I’ve used and abused and manipulated, and while I never meant to half the time, it doesn’t change the fact that I did it and never truly owned up to it, nor followed through with my apologies and promises to change... But I want all of you to know that I am truly and deeply sorry for all that I’m done... I genuinely am sorry for every bad thing I have ever said and done to hurt you... I know that actions speak louder than words, you always used to tell me that... Well starting now I’m following through with that...

I want us to finally move on from these sad and bitter emotions that came to be when our friendship started to go downhill.. I want us to be able to wish each other the best with our lives and see each other grow into amazing people and find happiness in our lives. 

Even as I write this, I remember all those dreams, goals and aspirations you would tell me about, and how you wanted to achieve each and every one of them... to be the first in your family to graduate college, to become a famous voice actress, to become a successful person, to find a partner in life who will love you just as if not more than you love them, and to have children of your very own and build up your own family and give them the life that they deserve. I truly believe you can do it if you believe hard enough and work hard enough to get there, I have never stopped cheering you on in your goals to become a happy and successful person..

... I may not be ready to pick up where we left off in our friendship, as I’m sure we both still have a lot of business (emotional and such) that needs to be properly dealt with before we can take that step in our lives again... Frankly, I don’t want to pick up where we left off... but rather, I want us to be able to start over and decided to become friends based on the people we’ve grown into rather than the people we were in the past.  And even if we never do become friends again, I want you to know that regardless I’m still gonna cheer you on in life and support you from the sidelines as you reach for the stars in achieving your goals. 

I think that’s about it.... I want to be able to change myself for the better, into a better and much more pleasant person, so that I can someday rekindle the friendships I lost because of who I was in the past... And then maybe, just maybe, I can finally learn to love myself again. 

[WIP] "You and Me" | Sneak Peek [READ DESC.]