So, I skimmed though all my tumblr posts and I realize that I was in such a dark place in my life. 

I was insecure in what love was suppose to be. I was blind to the abuse I put up with. I'm awake now and alive.

I'm finally comfortable to talk about my past, knowing that it happened and I can move on from it.

THE first posthumous gallantry medal of the Afghanistan war has been awarded to SAS Sergeant Blaine Diddams who was killed in action in July last year.

  The popular and highly decorated 40-year-old soldier and 17-year SAS veteran was on his seventh tour of the war-torn country when an insurgent bullet took his life in the Chora Valley on July 2 not far from the main Australian base at Tarin Kowt.

In today's Queen's Birthday Honours list Sergeant Diddams has been awarded the nation's third highest gallantry medal, the Medal for Gallantry (MG).

The citation says that on 2 July 2012, Sergeant Diddams displayed inspirational leadership and selfless courage in extremely hazardous circumstances.

"To support his patrol and ensure mission success, he knowingly exposed himself to draw fire and lead assaults on insurgent positions," it says.

"His leadership and selfless acts of gallantry, which ultimately cost his life, were of the highest order and in keeping with the finest traditions of Australian special operations forces, the Australian Army and the Australian Defence Force."

His mates described him as a "hard charger" and a "great bloke".

"They talk a lot about blokes being a 'soldier's soldier' but in Dids' case it was 100 per cent true," a former comrade said.

Another Special Forces Sergeant known only as Sergeant `C' was also awarded the Medal for Gallantry in today's list.

"To protect wounded soldiers and with complete disregard for his safety, Sergeant C exposed himself to draw fire and lead assaults on insurgent positions," the citation says.

"His selfless and courageous conduct was of the highest order."

Another four special forces soldiers received the Commendation for Gallantry (CG) for their work in Afghanistan, the three officers in command during 2012 received the Distinguished Service Cross (DSC) and another three received the Distinguished Service Medal (DSM).

Another 50 soldiers, sailors and RAAF personnel received a variety of awards including the Distinguished Service Cross (DSC) and Conspicuous Service Cross (CSC).

Nine officers became Members of the Military Division of the Order of Australia (AM).

The Commander of Special Operations Command, Major General Peter "Gus" Gilmore and RAAF Air Vice Marshal Kevin Paule become officers in the Military Division of the Order of Australia (AO).

Major General Gilmore's citation says that he was fundamental in supporting the realisation of Australia's national interests in Afghanistan through his outstanding leadership and commitment to Special Operations Command Australia.

"His diligence, clear desire to reform the management of injured and wounded personnel, and sense of duty are hallmarks of his distinguished service and bring great credit upon himself, the Australian Army and the Australian Defence Force," it says.

Major General Gilmore is a former CO of the SAS Regiment and was the commanding officer of Australia's first Special Forces Task Group in Afghanistan in late 2001.