hi
i deleted a lot of old posts i found now cringey in retrospect. which is kinda sad, bc at some point i loved whatever it was. corny ships from shows, cringe relatable text posts,idk even describing things as 'cringe' is lowk sad but it is unfortunately how i look back on my own past regarding a lot of things. innately i dont believe anything should be cringe (apart from being a pos) but idk im a highly critical and judgemental person, towards other people yes, but especially myself. i guess thats why i really admire people who really dont give a shit ab their perception. im jealous of the people who are cringe and free. maybe thats really why i judge them lol, bc im bitter. i wish i didnt care either, but so far ive been the type of person who'll refuse to be perceived if i can help it. i havent posted on my personal social media in over 2 years. i guess i'd want people to think im outside and mysterious and living my life, if anything. but the truth is far from that lol. im not outside, im in a hole. ive beeeen in a hole lmao. stuck in a self loathing, self pitying state of mind that i haven't yet been able to get myself out of. idk this post is rlly not going where it was meant to so far lol but maybe i should write more on here. anyways. i started talking about deleting old posts, meaning to segue into talking ab online activism - rather my lack thereof in recent years. it's not that i stopped caring, or stopped paying attention. moreso that it made me apathetic and feel disillusioned by society at large. i know this feeling isn't uncommon, but is still the least important aspect of what i'm talking about i guess lol. but idk i feel the need to address why (to my zero followers) i won't really be reposting activism-centred posts anymore. i can't say, but idk. i logged back in, and thought ab the fact that i should find more 2025 relevant cultural and societal issues to repost about. but then i thought, idrk if i want to do that bc i know itll lead me down a rabbit hole of terrible awful dark shitty situations around the world and 1, idk if im mentally prepared for that rn (im aware that doesnt rlly matter but whatever) and 2, itll only end in apathy for me. you see one post about one issue, you learn about 30 more, then 50 more, all current, all products of humans own greed or narcissism or lack of empathy, and all of which i am powerless against. i know, people will say it doesnt matter if you feel powerless. the more people who talk ab an issue raise awareness in the greater scheme of things, so it all helps. even if it feels like a drop in the ocean. etc etc. but honestly, from what ive seen and experienced of the world, i havent known that to be true. maybe 50 years ago activism meant more. people had more to risk to be heard. people were more motivated by the concept of radical change. to truly be an activist, to fight for something, imo had greater impact. the stakes were higher. now, the internet and news sphere is so saturated. and im not saying stakes are low now, but for the average person, reposting a photo or tiktok or story costs nothing. and you would think that would mean change is more likely when everybody's fyps are flooded with activist posts touching on the same issues - i sadly think its had the opposite effect. im living proof i guess. having something to say in 2025 feels as insignificant now as me writing this post. because everyone has several things to say. and it all gets lost in the sauce, for lack of better words. the average person today, (say, in comparison to 1975) would be a lot more aware of their local politics and global issues, and yet i feel like it's that fact that really prohibits real change today. i mean, look at how the state of isra*l has been demolishing gaza, committing genocide in 4k, seen and condemned by nearly the entire world. has it mattered? no. media saturation hasn't moved the dial in over 2 years atp. im gna have to make a new post char limit ripppp
