#it's whatever

“Y- Yeah,” he choked out.

There was a strong taste of metal in his mouth. Something wet on his lips, running down his chin.

Through blurry eyes, he could see Howie and Hen share a look. Then Hen was grabbing some gauze and wiping his mouth clean.

“We’re nearly done, Tommy,” Chimney said, and Tommy was impressed by how steady he kept his voice. Howie was meant for this job, for this life. His ability to keep people calm even as they knew they were taking their final breaths was a gift. Tommy wished he was able to say as much before he died. “We’re getting your leg set before we go.”

“S’fine,” he muttered out. “I… okay.”

A tear fell out of the corner of his eye, but he wasn’t crying. At least, he wasn’t meaning to cry. It was more from the pain than anything else. He felt like every bone in his body had been crushed. Like all his organs had been rearranged and squeezed with a vise.

There was a loud wheezing sound happening, and he was pretty sure it was coming from him.

Slowly, his eyes began to close, and the pain started to fade a bit, until a harsh rub on his chest had him gasping and his eyes opening up wide.

“Stay with us, Tommy,” Hen instructed, wiping at his mouth again. “Almost there.”

“Is… I don’t… Ev- where’s…” Tommy’s arm flailed out beside him, his brain a jumbled mess. He wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say, but he knew he needed to say something.

“What’s that, Bud?” Chimney asked, placing pressure somewhere low on his abdomen.

“Ev… Where’s E- Evan?”

Another shared look between Chim and Hen.

“Buck is-” Hen paused, looking just past Chimney. “He’s actually coming over right now, Tommy.”

Tommy went to shake his head no, but the brace prevented it. He didn’t want Evan to watch him die. He just needed them to tell him something, if he could think of what that something was.

“No,” he breathed out, voice barely audible. “N- No, d-”

“Tommy! Tommy, I’m here. You’re okay, I’m here.” Buck was panting, kneeling down beside Tommy and leaning forward so he could look right at him. “I- I’m here. You- You’ll be fine, Tommy.”

He was trying to be strong, Tommy could tell. Trying to blink away the tears that filled his eyes. Trying to keep his voice from breaking.

Tommy couldn’t have that. He didn’t want to see Evan sad. He never wanted to see Evan sad.

He tried to reach for Evan, but his hand wouldn’t quite move the way he wanted it to and it ended up just flopping up and down.

Understanding, Buck took the hand in his and held onto him. “We’ll b- be taking you to the hospital real soon, Tommy. They’ll g- get you fixed right up.”

Tommy had to focus on his words. See them in his head and work to get his mouth to open and his voice to work the way he needed it to. “S’okay,” he gasped out. “S’okay.” He could feel more tears pouring from both corners of his eyes. A steady stream that he had no control over. Still, he kept talking to Buck. “E… Evan, I- I’m… okay. Don’t w- worry.”

There was so much he wanted to say. So many things he wanted to tell Evan before it was too late.

I’m sorry I ever left.

I’m sorry I was too scared to be honest with you.

I’m sorry I thought we were more than what we were.

You made me so happy.

I love you so much.

Thank you for being my last.

None of that would come out though. Not when he was coughing, choking on the blood that was gurgling up in his throat.

“We gotta go now,” Chimney decided, and everyone sprang into action.

Tommy remembered them lifting him. He remembered groaning out in pain. He remembered Evan holding onto his hand tighter.

Then, there was nothing.

*****

There was a pressure weighing his body down. A heavy, thick pressure.

It wasn’t painful.

A little warm, if anything.

Made his body feel half numb, but in a good way.

His finger twitched. His eyes did too.

It took a second but, eventually, he was able to crack them open.

He was in a bed, elevated slightly, sheets up to his waist, the room white and sterile.

He was alive.

How the hell was he alive?

“There he is,” a familiar voice said beside him. His eyes drifted toward the sound, and there was Howie, standing right beside him with a wide smile on his face. “About time you joined us.”

“I…” God, Tommy’s throat felt like sandpaper.

“Buck’s gonna be pissed that you woke up the first time he leaves for ten minutes to go eat lunch in the cafeteria.”

Tommy’s brain was foggy. “Wh- What?”

“You’ve been out for a day and a half, Man,” Chimney informed him. “Scared the hell out of everyone, by the way. Coded three times on your way in. I think you’ve broken a record for body parts that required surgery.”

Tommy blinked a few times, trying to comprehend the things Chimney was telling him. “Can I… water?”

“Oh, yeah!” Chimney grabbed the little styrofoam cup off the tray table and held the straw to Tommy’s mouth. “Go slow. Not too much.”

Slowly, Tommy drank on the water. He swallowed down three sips before pulling away. “Thank you.”

“Need anything else right now? In any pain? Need a nurse?”

Tommy shook his head. “No, thanks.” He glanced around the room, noticing five different bouquets lined up along the window sill. There was a teddy bear in the middle, and a piece of construction paper taped to the wall that was covered in different colors of hearts.

He knew the picture had to come from Jee. The rest though… he couldn’t think of that many people who would send him stuff.

“Wh… What happened?”

Chimney grabbed a nearby chair and dragged it closer to the bed, then took a seat. “You’re a dumbass who played hero,” he replied. “Crashed your helicopter on purpose to prevent a terrorist attack.”

Oh yeah. Now Tommy remembered.

“D… Did they-”

“You’re the only survivor, Tommy.”

“Oh.” Tommy didn’t really feel one way or the other about those men dying. Not when they were planning on killing hundreds, if not thousands, of people anyway.

He raised a finger toward the flowers. “Who?”

Chimney glanced back. “Oh, those? Uh, Bobby and Athena sent one, Hen and Karen, Eddie, Ravi, and then Maddie and I got the ones on the end. The picture there is courtesy of Jee, and the teddy bear is all Buck. Said it’s an inside joke or something about bears, I did not ask beyond that.”

A grin briefly appeared on Tommy’s face, but it quickly disappeared. “You didn’t h- have to-”

Howie rolled his eyes. “Don’t even start. Harbor is setting up a food chain, by the way, once you get home they’ll be bringing stuff by.”

“That… That’s nice.”

Chimney sighed, looking back towards the door before he continued. “Listen, Buck’s gonna come bursting through the door any second, so I’m gonna fast forward through the small talk and get to it. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I know love when I see it. He loves you, Tommy, and I know you love him too.”

Now was really not the time. “Howie-”

“No. I know things were said between the two of you. Maddie and I aren’t great at keeping secrets, especially from each other. Whatever Buck said to you that day, he didn’t mean it. Just like I’m sure there are some things you said that you didn’t mean.”

Tommy looked away from Chimney, opting to stare out the window.

“Okay, maybe you did mean it. Maybe you really think so little of yourself that you think there’s no way anyone could ever love a guy like you.” Chimney leaned forward, moving so he was in Tommy’s direct line of sight. “But let me tell you something about you, Tommy. You’re a good person, whether you believe it or not. You’re there for people. You show up. You were willing to die just so other people wouldn’t get hurt. Even as you thought you were dying you were trying to console Buck and make sure he was okay. That’s the Tommy I know.”

Tears filled Tommy’s eyes. His lip trembled slightly. He tried to keep it together.

“I know that Buck hasn’t left you for a second until today, and he only did that if I promised to stick to your side like glue. No bathroom breaks,” Chimney continued. “I know that there were five men holding him back at the scene of the crash. He had direct orders from the chief that he’d be suspended or worse if he so much as tried to get near you, but he did it anyway. That’s a man who has loved his job more than anything else in the world for as long as I’ve known him, but he didn’t give it a second thought when it came to you.”

Tommy swallowed hard. A tear fell down his cheek.

“You’re loved, Tommy. And not just by Buck. See those flowers?” He pointed back to the bouquets. “The smallest bouquet is like fifty dollars. That’s insane. You’re loved.”

Tommy let out a laugh at that. But before he could respond, the door opened and Buck hurried inside.

“You’re awake!” he exclaimed, eyebrows furrowing. “Chim!” he pouted. “I told you not to let him do that.”

“Like I can help when he wakes up!”

“I can close my eyes,” Tommy offered, voice still gravelly and eyes feeling heavier by the second. “Pretend to... wake up again.”

“No, I- that’s not…” Buck let out a breath, his body relaxing. “Tommy.”

Tommy smiled sleepily. “Evan.”

“I- Do you need anything?” he asked, stepping closer. “Has the nurse come in yet? Did Chimney give you water? Are you in pain? Do you-”

“I- I’m fine, Evan,” Tommy interrupted. He looked over his heavily bandaged body before returning his gaze to Buck. “Well… maybe fine’s the wrong word.”

Buck couldn’t take his eyes off of him. “I’m, um, I-” he cleared his throat. “We were worried about you.”

“Thank you, Evan,” Tommy responded, holding his hand open for Buck to take, “for staying w- with me.”

Buck closed the remaining space between them in an instant. He took Tommy’s hand in his, sitting down carefully on the side of the bed. “Nowhere else I’d wanna be, Tommy.”

“Well,” Chimney spoke up, “seeing as you both forgot I existed, I am going to go.” He reached out gave Tommy a pat on the shoulder. “See ya later, Man. Try not to break anymore bones while I’m gone.”

Tommy smiled. “Thanks, Howie. See ya.”

When Chimney left out of the room, he shut the door behind them. Buck waited until it clicked shut to speak. “Tommy, I,” he breathed out shakily, his eyes red-rimmed, “I know you’re tired. You… You need sleep, but I- I want to, um, I’d like for us to talk when you feel like it. If that’s okay,” he added quickly.

“Yeah, Evan.” Tommy gave his hand a little squeeze. “That’s okay.”

Buck grinned. “Okay. You look tired. You should, um, you should rest.”

As much as Tommy wanted to stay awake, his body was not getting the memo. “You’ll be here... when I wake up?”

Buck nodded. “Of course.”

“Good." Tommy's eyes began to close, but his grip on Buck’s hand remained. Half asleep, he mumbled, “Don’t le- let go, m’kay?”