AU where Oboro comes back and spends his time being fascinated by everything and everyone
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AU where Oboro comes back and spends his time being fascinated by everything and everyone

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RH: The Hill was not a Jason story but it was so nothing that it had no effect on his character and can be completely forgotten and disregarded. Robin Lives is not a Jason story but is has the audacity to bring back the classic classist “he’s always going to be doomed” take while making him the final villain. Can someone say real and true about him for once
I'm crying, people deadass said it was Eurylochus' fault that Odysseus got abused by Calypso, like yall would rather blame a traumatized dead man than holding the ACTUAL perpetrator accountable huh?
the failure of language
so im getting around to write some suonirei fanfic and, inevitably, got to Backstory Speculations activities. and now i begin to think about suo (windbreaker in general) and the failure of language -- when people, regardless of how much they try or how eloquent they find themselves to be, will find points where they are unable to give words to what they are feelings or explain some difficult emotions or circumstances to themselves or another person.
think, sakura going "how am i supposed to treat you now?" after hearing out umemiya's childhood story-- what is he supposed to say? to act in general? language, spoken or behavioral, failed him. umemiya redirected sakura to language: he did not expect sakura to treat him any differently. come back to the language you understand, he says. and now we complicated "language" to means "a vehicle of interactions and expression", which is functionally what language is.
well i did say that this arise from thinking about suo, most notably, thinking about how windbreaker expresses speechlessness and stillness very frequently from suo's silence. think the focus on suo's eyes at any moment where language are yet adequate to say what is happening: suo and nirei's response to sakura's solitary during sickness; suo's anger (in KEEL and shishitoren) occurring wordlessly; and, most recently (which sorta sparked this line of thought), this page
note the wordlessness. a lot of time, wbk starts out the responses to these sincere and vulnerable moments with this wordlessness, where characters ponder and reflect on the statement, often evoking their own memories and experiences, thus empathizing with the vulnerability in question. it is a reflective and thoughtful way to begin the process of empathy in silence. it feels ritualistic, even, like meditation, to begin connecting with other by a silence that could be taken to be a single-minded, pure focus -- on what is being put on the stage to ponder. maybe this is not quite a failure of language, depending on how we see it, but rather, a moment outside of language priming for its arrival. it is not time for language to enter the scene yet.
but then language always come, sooner or later. as awkwardly or curtly or roughly, sakura and nirei speak sincere words that come from the bottom of their heart. language -- thus connection and empathy -- then propel the conversation. suo, notably (at least without me combing through the manga again) often does not enter this realm of language the way sakura and nirei do it. when he empathize sakura's feelings when he was sick, suo did it where sakura cannot hear. the only(?) time he responded genuinely (please bring up examples or counterexamples if you have it on hand) was when nirei was feelings insecure about his inability to fight and ask suo for help. but even then, the response of "your self-esteem is all over the place" is not quite the personal, genuine approach sakura or nirei has. its quite measured and reflective -- responding to nirei's statements rather than clearly interjecting something to the conversation. many of suo's vulnerabilities are deflected by falsehoods (harmless jokes, not malicious lies), distractions, etc, etc. language seemingly continues to fail him, or he continues to evade it.
i am in a habit of not stating my Backstory Speculations, because a lot of times i want to stick closer to the texts. whatever Speculations i have will most likely manifest as fanfiction (oh boy is that an ambitious media to do this in). but anyway, from popular hc of suo being potentially a "traitor" or somehow entangled in a major and antagonistic organization, his failure to relate this to his friends and thus him hiding his past can be taken as another failure of language. perhaps languages continuously fail him in his childhood-- hence it has yet to learn how to succeed.
p/s: i should also say that im enjoying using different concepts and ideas to speculate/think about and analyze the text (wbk) in a different way. this is basically what comparative literature and literary criticism is, i think (lol). sometimes i feel like this is just me dressing up good ole literary theme in a fancier language, but whatever works works lol. hopefully as i continue to think of the "inability to express your true emotions" and "inability to be vulnerable" more specifically (or broadly) as a failure of language, more interesting insights will come up. its less about what the texts is literally and consciously say, and more about how we can think about the text using -- and extract from the text via -- various frameworks.
yep, this is probably gonna be a more complete essay at some point. i even pulled out the usual rccl register for this!
i think the turning point in my life both academically and professionally was realizing that. If you Go First, be it a presentation or an interview or whatever. If you go first, you are being judged based on NOTHING but yourself. They aren't comparing you to anyone else, you don't have an act to "follow". You are the Bar. You can literally just do the best you can and at that point it will automatically be the best they've seen so far. And once you're done you're done. You can mentally and emotionally check out.
Game changer insofar as being stressed about presenting because now I just bulldoze over everyone else to go first like a feral hog.

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if tumblr search function actually worked, I'd be able to go back through my own blog and find whatever bullshit I've said about my vampire lore so I can use it for the novel but nooo now I have to scroll through pages and pages of my own nonsense like a serf looking for that time I mentioned something about venom survival rates 🙄
also wtf was that line from oliver about lex finally having a girlfriend he doesn't need to inflate... big words from the man who only managed to get lois to go on a date with him by holding his financial backing of martha's campaign over her head. smug git. i do NOT like him
lowk i dont think i act embarrassed enough and ironically that makes me kinda embarrassed DJFHDKNFKDNG9