#isolation update

Hey guys! It’s been a while since I even opened my Tumblr app but I felt like I should check in and did have a few messages from folk who wanted to check on me which is really sweet so thank you. 😘

UK has been in lockdown now for 2 weeks. I live in a small town and I’m happy to say that everyone seems to be following government guidance and staying inside, only going out to the shops when absolutely necessary. We’re still able to get out for daily exercise but I haven’t been seeing many people out. The odd runner or someone having a walk around the beach. The shops are taking every precaution here and shelves are staying stocked so far which is a blessing. Grateful for the work of the National Health Service and it’s workers now more than ever. I’m getting on fine, staying with my partner and mostly just eating junk and bingeing Netflix. (Has everyone seen Tiger King? 🐯👑)

I would be remiss not to mention the absolute powerhouse that was Outlander Season 5, Episode 7 “The Ballad of Roger Mac. Everything that needs to be said about that episode has really been said, but I’ll just add that it was probably my favourite episode of the entire series. I loved, loved, loved it! Literal perfection and a marvellous example of how canon and adaption can come together and present something that is visually stunning, compelling and emotive. Plus, that cameo! Are you fucking kidding me!? I screamed! 😍👏🏼

Anyway, I haven’t been coming on here and really it’s because I no longer find Tumblr a source of joy. It’s become a source of stress for me, and a bit of a downer tbh. I’ve talked about it before but so much of the discussions on here centre around the judgement and criticism of members of the cast. Believe me I’m still 100% aware of everything going on in the fandom but I’m choosing not to partake these days. I also don’t really like seeing spoilers so have been avoiding a lot of Outlander related social media. 😲🙈 I have a small group of friends who met on here but chat via Messenger. It’s been such a comfort during all this madness to have a positive space with people to talk to that understand my love for the books and the show and the cast, which was really the reason I joined Tumblr to begin with. That being said, I’m not going to close my blog or leave for good because there are still people on here that I enjoy interacting with, some great fanfic being written and show gifs being made.

I hope that you are all safe, healthy and with the people you love. Sending prayers and positive thoughts to you and your families at this uncertain and scary time. We can get through this. You are not alone. I hope everyone is finding their own source of positivity during their isolation, whether that’s reading, baking, exercising, colouring or whatever! 😄🤷🏼‍♀️

Something that I’m incredibly grateful for right now is the generosity of the entire Outlander cast who have been keeping us entertained with daily posts, pictures, Q&A’s, IG Lives, podcasts, #OutlanderBakeOff which inspired a baking competition amongst our chat group! 🤤🎂🥧🍰🏅 These are good people that like everyone else right now deserve our kindness and understanding.

Sorry for the long post. Wishing you all the very best from my little corner of the world, aweesassenachlassie xx 😘

Day 37 (I think) of Isolation…

Time has actually been flying, though the days have kind of melted together. If I don’t look at my phone or a calendar I honestly couldn’t tell what day it is. 

Regardless, I consider myself one of the more fortunate. I live near a park, and although the playgrounds are closed people are still allowed to walk around. I hate that people now have the time to hang out with family and friends, but can’t go anywhere. I just want to have fun with my friends and go out, especially since we just finished our semester. But instead, I celebrate my “freedom” by myself with a walk through the park.

One particular walk made me really sad. My park is big enough to have a lake. The docks there are connected to a building where people are able to rent paddle boats. I was standing at the balcony of the building which overlooked the lake. Just me, listening to music and watching the water ripple as the wind blew over it. I almost didn’t hear him with my headphones on, but a security guard approached me from behind and said that I couldn’t loiter and had to keep walking.

I didn’t mind, figured I wasn’t allowed to remain in one place for too long anyway. The calmness of my setting just made it easy to get lost in thoughts for a bit. I apologized to the security guard and continued my walk, deciding to follow the trails on the opposite side of the lake. This is the part that made me sad.

As I walked around the lake I arrived at a gated area. The path opened up into a wide patch of paved ground and there was a long shallow grassy hill that faced it. The hill was shaped in a way that almost mimicked the seating area of a movie theatre. no, it’s not the hill in the picture above I say theatre because that’s actually what this area was. An outdoor movie area where films are shown on a giant blow-up screen throughout the summer months.

It made me sad to realize that this area would probably remain empty this summer. I was looking forward to spreading a blank on the grass and watching a movie under the stars with my favourite people. There was actually so much I was looking forward to this summer…

Like all of my summer plans, 2020 has been cancelled. In the future when I tell my kids stories of my life, I’m going to jump from 2019 straight into 2021. 2020 will be like house 13 on a street done by superstitious workers, it won’t exist.

This time it’s my family that cracked. Everyone’s family/home life is different. For some, this time together is welcomed. Parents can finally spend time with their kids, more bonding can take place, family game nights, etc. And for others... everyone being forced to remain under the same roof for days on end is well, rough. My family falls into the latter. 

The first few days were good, we were unwinding and treating the time off as a vacation. And then a couple days ago, tensions started to build. Family members who weren’t often home were now noticing things at home that they didn’t like. Things I had gotten used to. This sparked minor conflicts that grew into bigger arguments and today everything just went SPLAT. 

The madness is slowly starting to seep in. I’m disappointed in myself for only lasting this long but at the same time, it’s also impressive that I did.

Now, I understand that there’s a pandemic going on, and I understand why we all need to self-isolate. But did anyone consider the effects that doing so might have on some people?

To anyone else who struggles with mental illnesses, let me know if I’m alone in this or not. Self-isolating has literally left us alone with ourselves and our thoughts. And that can be dangerous for some people. I know some of you might read this and say “oh, but don’t you have other people living with you? Don’t you have your family, or s/o or pet?” And in my case yes, I do live with my family, but that doesn’t mean I spend my time with them. 

Locked in my room most of the time, only coming out when I need too. Nobody is checking on me though because well, this is normal. I’m always in my room doing whatever it is I do on a day-to-day basis. Which -I’ll tell you a secret; more often than not is spiralling. 

I sit here now thinking about all the things I said I’d do and all the things I didn’t. I don’t even have an excuse anymore. I can’t go anywhere, I wasn’t busy doing other things, I just didn’t do it. And now all I’m left to do is think about all the time I’ve wasted, and all the things I could have done, and how disappointed I am in myself...

I’ll end this update with a question, or more a thought since there might not be an answer:

I've always been more of a homebody, but now the rest of the world have also become homebodies. I feel like the space that I call "mine" has just gotten a lot smaller, while there's a whole world out there that's left deserted.

Have you ever walked outside with no one around? I mean absolutely no one. No people on the sidewalks. No cars on the road. Just you and the sound of your shoes on the pavement?