#islovereal

Finally, Lily’s romantic relationships and her over-the-top and excessive lifestyle caused problems with every man she ever dated, especially her true love, Rufus.  Lily's chaotic love life is relevant because it shows how her obsession with her self image and wealth comes before her relationships leaving a disastrous mess in her wake relating to her family and many boyfriends. An article that ranks the most wealthy Gossip Girl characters refers to Lilly as, “The serial bride married three billionaires before tying the knot with Bart Bass and surely secured juicy settlements each time” (Caballero, 2023). This quote is comical as it perfectly summarizes Lily’s love life in just one sentence. While it is not ever implied or stated that Lily marries just for money, it still plays a small role in the reason she moves from man to man so fast. She values the trips and the support that marriage provides but then will not show that same support to anyone else. With Bart Bass, she can’t even fully commit to him as she is still in love with her first love, Rufus. She cheated on Bart and ended up falling back into old patterns with a messy relationship with Rufus. It is even later revealed by Lily’s mother Cece that the first time around, she “made Lily choose between [Rufus] and her inheritance” and one can guess which she chose (Gossip Girl, 2007). Even at a young age, before all the marriages, Lily chose wealth over her relationships. In the end, Lily was too messy and problematic, leading the power couple to not even end up together. This goes to show just how many times Lily has been in marriages that failed due to her inability to put the relationships before her wealth and media image. Her “glamorous lifestyle” is more so chaotic than glamorous when examined closely.

From the want in my soul that needs you indescribably. please tell me why. does everyone feel this eventually? I question my sanity but know im crazier to think this isnt happening or does not exist ..cause it does, its there and it wont go away. found you in 2021, i remembered you and knew i fell in love with you and knew you immediately to your core and inside your soul and out back to mine a million times How come the world is more beautiful and you are becoming more and more the definition of all ive ever wanted, i have to have you, in my eyes, your undefined character and beauty, iits like ive had you and we built the goal of all my lives for all eternity. You are the one that I will always dream of and my heart will forever love and want you alone. Im drawn to you in a way indescribable and the chance i take on writing this gives me the possibility of your return in this life which the rest together that i know would be magical versus not writing you at all and you never even giving a thought, depraved dreams of passion. and interconnected Familiarity .

For the longest time i had to decide on my approach. Im not crazy but i do know this-

youre destined to be with me in this life and all the others,

i feel like i know you without ever talking to you and to me its impossible. I am in love and heartbroken by a complete stranger i knew after first glimpse of your perfection. I know youre funny, ive studied you. from afar to be sure I was not losing it, you are beautiful to tears, literally. Tears of sincere happiness and admiration and craving of your presence like I am out of place until youre here, You are more beautiful than the most beautiful. Merge together forever and ever with the spirit of yours, and your inner world, my lonely soul dreams.

You are my only right choice, you are everything that I love and want. Both my heart and my mind are open only to you. You are so innocently breathtaking in all your heart, your being, and physically matched . Your charming and you are my soul tied other half of myself, your spell beckons my mind to you, my eyes are only for you, and I focus only on you. overwhelmed by you inside, from the love of you, is incredible, ad what i thought was absolutely impossible. And from the fact that you are not with me, I fell in love with you totally, beyond measure Yes, truly, Your charm is a powerful force that attracts everything and everyone to itself. Awakening true, sparkling love for you, of otherworldly universal scale. Striking, powerful, attractive appearance. The magnificent grace of your body has no equal. Only your divinely beautiful body is worthy of the highest praise and points. I am only waiting for you. You're all I think about. The empress of my subconscious, in my inner world, dreams, and memories, you are everywhere. I always wait only for you. You are my only eternal thought that helps to hope again in this world, i hope you do the same and with a look you fall in love with yourself forever how i did you . Life without you is unthinkable, and impossible. you are one powerful hypnosis, one ive never experienced before...

it's a quiet novemeber morning. you're sitting across from me at a cafe, stirring you tell me that we're bad at talking. that i don't talk enough. i sip my coffee to buy time. you don't say anything back.

how do i tell you that i wish not to be a writer, an artist? how do i tell you that i want to seize the scrawny shoulders i had when i was 17, and yell at them to know that 17 year me would be the same as 19, and the same as 23? that i will spend years writing about you, and trying to find new ways, all the time?

"you know, i wish someone wrote about me." i frown into my cup. i pretend once more.

i wish someone wrote about you instead, so i don't have to find new ways to dedicate my heart to you. sometimes i wish i wasn't in love with you, so that every word that i breathe life onto a page wasn't so painful, that it wasn't so obvious.

talking. we are bad at talking.

we hop from city to city. talking isn't really apart of the equation. where do we stand anyways? we don't text nor call, but i know the scar on your leg from a fall in second grade, the stain on your shitty apartment floor from when we made soup because you felt homesick, your go-to takeout order when you are sick. and you know me too: my favorite cafe in the city that we bump into the most, the way i tie my shoes, how to use my microwave.

they say love is humiliating. i feel like such a clown. (they are right)

"talk? you want us to talk?" i laugh. "i'm so bad at talking to you that i've written books about you."

you know, sometimes i see you, and you don't see me. i take the train up north, because the air is sobering and life gets monotonous, even if i have luxuries that most people can only dream of. i'm sad. i'm a sad little person, and at the end of the day, i'll still be sad in verona. i'll still be sad in paris. i'll still be sad in munich.

i'm sad but i didn't realize until glass cuts my teeth and the insides of my mouth, and i'm coughing up blood. i don't realize that there was glass inside of me at all, until i see her, and something cracks so brillantly that my chest pangs in pain and my smile bloodied. i see the careful way your hand curls at her hip, as if she is delicate and precious like the ambience of first snow, and at that moment i knew that i had played myself.

how do i stop thinking of you? ah. the artist and the muse. i look at my hands and i look into my eyes in the foggy mirror after drinking alone in the house and i felt betrayed, not by you, but by me; the way i can't seem to make anything that isn't about you, no matter how hard i tried. what happens when the muse doesn't like the artist? what happens when the muse doesn't want to immortalized in such way? what happens?

sometimes i dare to contemplate if i was ever your muse. for the distant dreams of a future life. like perhaps, one day, it will be a dreary january morning, but we'd have steaming cups of coffee and just cuddling on the couch, and you'd be happy to see me when i take the train up north, and maybe do better for me, like i for you.

no, that is selfish to think. don't mind me.