WHAT is going on with Vaggie please i need to pry open her skull
girl stood out from the Exorcist with her single-stripe wings, they get torn off, she gets kicked out-
her hair was short like Lute's back then
probably another thing all Exorcists are supposed to be in lock step about- bloodlust, murder, looking almost identical in uniform (vaggie thought no one would know her out of uniform) (Wrong)
Charlie finds her. Charlie, who has long hair, and 3 years later Vaggie's grown her hair out too
and it's a sign of her new life with Charlie. as Carmilla kicks her butt Vaggie complains she's "not used to fighting with long hair-"
she hasn't had to fight in a long time
she's been CHOOSING not to, new life, new hair style, new her-
EXCECEPT not. Her long hair? Has the Exorcist double stripes that her old wings never did
her new clothes? oh yes she's got a skirt now, she's in red to match Charlie, she's dressed to manage a hotel not slaughter people- but the thigh highs and long gloves of the Exorcist uniform are still there too
it's there even when she gears up to FIGHT them
and when her wings come back- When her NEW wings grow in???- they still have just that ONE stripe. THEY didn't change. The hair thing, it isn't her aging into double stipes in three years- it's either natural and something the short hair hid, or deliberate and new, and which one would be more unsettling?
which one would be more fucked up- finding out you finally fit in when you can't anymore, or still trying to fit in when you absolutely don't want to?
it's like she grew out her hair to get away from her past, but also, it's a reminder of it? wings gone. long, twice-banded hair flowing down her back instead, filling in the space where her wings used to be
why the red X over her lost eye? a mirror of an Exorcist's mask-
(some have the right eye crossed out, some the left, one of their few small variations)
why not just a normal patch? Why not a hairstyle that'd cover it completely?? Why underline the reminder and MAKE it impossible to ignore- is she proud of it? The eye she lost for not doing something she knew was wrong? Why is she keeping so much of the Exorcist look- habit? nostalgia? homesickness? guilt????
Or is she retaking them for herself? Vaggie what are you thinking while you do all this- you HATE angels and heaven and the Exorcists and everything you were- Did you think it all meant something different, before realizing the truth? Something you could follow and be proud of?
are you trying to make all those things mean everything you once thought they did
or is being an exorcist still such a big part of you that you, shit liar that you are, can't cut it out of your life as easily as Lute did with your eye?
.... but your wings. They came back different.
they look even less like a proper Exorcists wings than before
(maybe because heaven didn't give them to you this time. you found them down here, in hell, with Charlie)
you AREN'T an exorcist! you don't kill sinners, you fight for them, you're trying to help save them, you're trying to redeem yourself right along side them, why why why WHY
why do you keep looking so much like the people you hate?-
oh. right. you hate yourself don't you. only... it's not ALL of yourself
i don't think your wings would have come back, if you hated the part of you that loves Charlie (it's the only thing you're clinging to, in fact. the hope that you won't fail her. that you can help her) (you hate yourself each time you fail- but you still try again) (you've never failed when it comes to that) (you've never given up on somehow being who she needs you to be)
do you REALIZE there's more to you now than the parts you hate?
hmm. i wonder
