#irmitapost

She knew that, he too, thought about her when looking up at the starry night skies like they used to years ago. They would sit and drift up into the Milky Way for a few hours and relish in their connection. But it always came to an end and they would come crashing, burning back down to reality with drops of Jupiter in their hair. She knew that one day, he would come to realize that it was real. The nights spent talking for what seemed like forever about everything and anything. All of it in vain. All the while knowing that it would never flourish. It was never intended to. Oh but it wanted to....

It is a Thursday night at 10:23pm. I should be doing this crap ton of homework but instead, I have become overly thoughtful. I am very glad that I come from a big family. I am thankful and proud at my parents love for it is from that very love that five legends were born. I say legends because it is the best word I can think of to describe who we are. We grew up in borderline poverty at first but always managed to find happiness somehow. We grew up together but walked to the beats of our own drums. Nobody knows the shit we have been through and the paths that we have walked down before. Now we are all grown up and doing things. Great things. We have all been down and out but each of us is always there to support the other. I think it is legendary how when one of us is hurt, the rest of us get into defense mode and prepare for war. Brutal war. It is crazy to remember the days when we were kids. The days we spent at home but still explored the world because we had the imagination kids today could only dream of. I remember the good times. The times we would make bonfires outside with dad or the times we would sit around and truly attempt to figure out his brain teasers. Lol. Or when mom would sing randomly in the house. Those are days that are forever etched upon my soul. What I miss and cherish the most is being around each other. Although we fought at times. And although there were plenty of bad days. And sad days. But we were always together. Always looking out for the other. Always there. And although now we have all chosen our own lives, carving our own paths along the way, we are still connected. Still the same mischievous children we were. Still, legendary.

12:28 AM

I lay here thinking about it all again. Everything. It is amazing how much we can take a moment for granted. So much that we fail to realize what an impactful memory it will all become. All of it. The first night in Autumn. Years ago. Although it feels as if it were just yesterday. I remember how obvious the nervousness was in both of us. Each of us finding ways to hide it from surfacing on our faces. To hide the excitement, the joy, and at the same time, the scars from yesterday. I could see in your eyes the sincerity. And all the memories rushing quickly in between us. Like a river bursting open a dam. A dam that was meant to forever enclose it all. I remember the high times. The times we incoherently talked about our future. Not realizing that words would become desires. And desires are not meant to be fulfilled. Although you may never admit it, I know you wanted it too. The future. The talks. The long conversations about the meaningless paths we’d never walk together. I know that for at least one day, you wanted it too. But you, as I too, were much too afraid. Afraid of truth, of consequences, of change. Was it love? I don’t know. But I know it was real. I know that it felt infinite. And I know that every time we parted it felt as though we were coming back down to Earth. Driving back down into the Milky Way with drops of Jupiter in our hair. Smiling like idiots in an empty circus. Nobody present but the both of us. Dancing and prancing around with no ring master. I don’t know why this means so much to me. Why I spend all this time contemplating the what ifs and why’s. The memory of you is nothing now but an abyss of mixed feelings and forgotten times. The urge to relive it all will always burn in my heart. I know that even if for that short time, it was real. It was realer than either of us is willing to admit. Even I have caught myself mocking it. But when night falls it is clearer. We were always fonder of the darkness. Where everything done is unseen. Unheard and unknown. Maybe our paths will cross once again. Maybe some day in the distant future we will return with wisdom. With experience and with courage. Courage to set this all free. Until then, the memories will have to suffice..