#irais

Bear: *out cold on the ground*

Dipper: Oh my god, do you think they’re okay?!

Irais, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on Bear’s face*

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Irais: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Dipper, used to Irais being dumb: Sure...

Irais: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Dipper: Okay?

Irais: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Dipper:

Irais: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Dipper: Jesus, that one is a little-

Bear, interested: No, no, Irais, keep going.

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Bear: I will find us a covered wagon and horses.

Bear: If you two can manage to not kill each other while I'm gone.

Dipper: Oh, please. We're not children.

*Bear leaves*

Dipper, casually: ...Eat shit and die.

Irais, also casually: Yes, fuck you.

-

Dipper: Hey, Irais. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Irais: To get to the other side?

Dipper: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“

Irais: Uh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road?

Dipper: To get to the idiot’s house.

Irais: ...Ok?

Bear: Hey, Irais. Knock knock.

Irais: No.

Bear: You were supposed to say “who’s there?”

Irais: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there?

Bear: The chicken.

Irais:

Bear:

Dipper:

Irais: Listen here you little shits-

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Dipper: It's locked. You got a lock pick?

Irais: Yeah-

Bear: *kicks in the door*

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Dipper: It’s Pride Month, you know what that means!

Irais: I get to eat as many Skittles as I want?

Dipper: What? No! What has Bear been telling you?

Bear, walking in, pouring Skittles into their mouth: Taste the rainbow, bitch.

-

Dipper: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly?

Bear: Not again!

Dipper: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions.

Irais: Just wait until you hear about whales.

Dipper: What now?

-

Bear: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! :)

Dipper: I forgot I was doing a test.

Bear: Dipper .

Dipper: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny....

Irais: Dipper.

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Bear: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Irais: They do.

Dipper: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

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Bear: Dipper, I’m afraid.

Dipper: Just stay close to Irais.

Bear: That's why I’m afraid.

-

Dipper, reading a recipe: Beat three eggs?

Irais: It means like in hand-to-hand combat.

Dipper: Ohhhh-

Bear: Both of you get out of this kitchen.

-

Bear: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Irais is walking in this room.

Dipper: *wheeze*

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Irais: How is spring not everyone’s favorite season? The trees are PINK, guys!

Bear: Allergies are also a problem, y'know.

Irais: But pink.

Dipper: And it's hot.

Irais: PINK!

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Dipper: Some people are like slinkies.

Irais: What?

Dipper: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Irais:

Irais: Please don't push Bear down the stairs.

Dipper, pushing Bear down the stairs: Too late.

-

Bear: Would you slap Irais-

Dipper: Yes.

Bear: I didn't even finish!

Dipper: Sorry, continue.

Bear: Would you slap Irais for 10 credits?

Dipper: I would do it for free.

Irais: Rude...

-

Dipper: How do you do that?

Irais: I'm fearless.

Bear: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.

Irais: I'm mostly fearless.

Bear was gently hugging the teddy bear you gave him, he immediately started giggling as you started kissing him. "Mesh'la, that tickles!" His giggles immediately turned to laughter.

"You're not gonna get away kiss free, cyare." Irais started peppering your face in kisses once you were done. "That's a promise, a task even and I complete tasks." He winked.