Talk of triggers, isolation and suicide below the cut. Venting.
I fucking hate my triggers.
I have invalidation associated trauma - to the point that it's detrimental to my health. I get envious when people are 'worse' than me for God's sake.
It's already caused strain in several friendships of mine it's actual torture to live with. Some days the envy becomes so bad I consider doing something harmful to myself. It's not something I've ever brought up to my therapist.
Today I was triggered for a reason I won't disclose. When I cooled down, I considered suicide. It's insufferable. I can't live like this anymore. I want to isolate. I want out once and for all.
I know the fact that I think like this at all is reason it's bad already. But it feels like my suffering is trivial. First world problems. All I was was bullied.
I just want out so fucking bad.
