#intrusions

…ish (Phil Pascoe) The Sixth Doctor and Peri arrive at a lexicography conference with the intent of meeting the Doctor's old friend Professor Osefa de Palabra Hftzbrn, who has been working to publish the Lexicon, the largest collection of words and their definitions in existence. However, they find something fishy going on; the Professor is dead at her desk with a suicide note that is a mishmash of mishpellings. More issues begin to arrive as an astonishing lexical virus tarnishes the vishiting academics. Someone devilish at the conference wishes to unbanish the longest word in the unishverse, using the Professor's accomplishment to abolish language and demolish meaning. Can the Doctor and Peri rescue English, Spanish, Flemish, Kurdish, Swedish, ish, ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish ish

iNtRUsioNs (Dave Hoskin) A postman in Melbourne has a bad habit. He's become addicted to reading the dead letters a particular woman writes to her father in prison; letters that can never reach their destination. He is privately enchanted by the detail she puts in her letters about her life and her infant child and feels that through them, he can become a part of their lives. One day, however, he finds a strange, garbled scrawl on one of her letters; ‘i wAtChd heR feeed hEr Baby yEsteRdAy. He looKed reely hUngRy.’ The disturbance distresses him, and he finds himself unable to think about anything else. More garbled messages begin to appear in her letters, and soon the postman begins to see them in his daily life, thoughts crawling like grotesque worms across people's faces. And that isn't all the messages are doing to his mind, either…

The Doctor takes something of a background role in this story; it's all told from the postman's perspective as he is gradually infected by a hungry memetic entity that wants to rewire his brain enough that it can telepathically leap into the mind of an infant and make it into a vessel to infect the entire world. The whole thing reads like the creation of a Leitner; the postman is even guided into assembling the letters into a book, the completion of which acts as a catalyst for his final transformation into a living meme. The Doctor, like Gerry Keay, even burns it at the end.

I worried looking too hard at snuff kink stuff would exacerbate the thoughts or bring the feelings back

But it's actually giving me something to disarm the thoughts with

Because I can meet "I'm going to fucking kms" with "that would be a waste, save your death for someone who would savour it"

(save it for @bubblegumgothglados . Save it for @growlingven . Save it for something really funny. Something terrible. Something I couldn't pull off impulsively or alone.)

With small flashbacks I mean suddenly having strong emotions like fear, horror, disgust, helplessness, shock and despair or physical reactions like my heart racing, being unable to breathe, trembling and nausea or thoughts like "I need to get away" and similar things. Emotions, physical reactions and thoughts that make me feel like I'm back in the moment I was raped. They are intense and disturbing and sometimes make me unable to do anything for hours - but I'm still consciously aware that I'm not actually back in the traumatic situation.

I also mean the sudden "shadow" sensation of my rapist's hands on my body or his dick inside of me - these are extremely distressing, sometimes last for hours and are being accompanied by strong disgust and fear.

I also mean suddenly seeing pictures of my rape in front of my eyes, like myself from above in his bed or the ceiling of his room.

For a long time I didn't understand those were flashbacks even though they are very disturbing and make my life a lot harder.

i’m afraid to be anything else

i am calm, patient

anger runs underneath every thought in my mind, for myself, for others, for nothing but itself, burning its way through my veins because i refuse to let it out, eating me from the inside

i won’t cross the line

-on my own, on my own. but i fantasize of the day someone pushes me over it and i can let go, go too far, when i have an excuse

it’s alright, i can take it, your pain, your anger

you never gave me a choice, i showed myself capable and you gave and gave and gave and pushed it all onto my shoulders, confident i wouldn’t stumble if it meant release everything i hold dear into the abyss below

i smile, i don’t cry, don’t scream

i keep that all on the inside until my mind rips itself into pieces in an attempt to let it out and i name them and love them for the brief moments they no longer give me the choice to hide

i won’t burden you with my pain

i can’t, i don’t know how, it hurts more than the things you did to me to see that i caused you pain with your own actions

i am agreeable, palatable even, few people dislike me when i speak with them

i fear the day they see into me, that they find the places i relax even an ounce of control, the dark hidden spaces where i speak the truth. i think they sense the distance i have to keep.

i try and try and try to rip the mask off before it suffocates me but it is stuck to my skin, my muscles, drilled into bone. how much will i lose if i get it off? how much? is it worth it? i just want to be seen, to be free. i am covered in my own blood and it burns like acid

i’m fine.

Botober 2022 halloween prompt #24. Intrusive amethyst