#introverted gemini

Hello, its me.... someone you probably dont know at all. A majority of people have probably already continued scrolling. I dont blame them, I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I mean, people don't typically want to hear someone rant, I mean dear god people probably took a look at the title of this, cringed, and continued scrolling. Anyways, on with what this post will be about.

I'm just a human female currently suffering through highschool. My signs consists of; Rising Gemini, Sun in Gemini, and a Moon in Scoripo. I have no idea how conflicting these signs are in technical terms. I don't know if Scorpio's and Gemini's generally get along, but I'm just gonna take a moment to tell ya how it feels to me.

People's reaction:

Its... rather conflicting to be a rising and sun in gemini, paired with a Moon in scorpio. I feel like I'm constantly fighting with myself, at war with how I should act and who I should trust. I have the outlook-- for the most part --that I should give everyone the benefit of a doubt. That no matter what the person has done or the type of situation, there must always be a hint of good. Yet, deep down, it's like there's this feeling. This voice. It doubts nearly everything, suspicious, and always predicts a horrible outcome.

Another thing, I'm also always fighting on if I want to be around people or be alone. For the most part I crave privacy and would much much much rather being alone. I love to draw, write, listen to music, do digital editing (pictures and videos, Sony Vegas/photo shop is so good) and more. My dream is to be a vest selling author! I've been writing ever since I can remember.... I used to get in trouble for reading during class. I also entered in a few writing competitions with 400 to 300 kids and got 3rd place in one of them, then 1st place in another. But in all of them i never prodeeded to state. I was always half a point off.

But... there are these times where I crave a certain persons company, but I don't want to bug them. Or.... I dunno... it's always very confusing with me. I never wanna harm anyone but at the same time I don't want people to walk all over me. I want to scream about all the stuff I've gone through and how I feel, but I don't trust anyone with that information.

I feel everything so intensely, I struggle with insomnia, serve depeession, amd anxiety. It makes me mad because, at the moment, I have an okay life. I should be happy. I have no reason to feel the way I do. I have no right to be like I am. Even my mother points it out, my father points it out. They say stuff like "you're life isn't that bad" or "we are working so hard to give you a good life".

Yet, my brain continues to hit me with these emotions, these thoughts. Degrading, self harm. Suicidal. Why am I like this!? What's wrong with me? Why am I so emotional but so hell bent on making sure that no one sees me cry? I know my life could be worse, it has been worse. I don't really feel like spilling my back story, but it's not that happiest. Out of all the times of my life, I am deciding to feel this way now.

I really don't know. It's just a churning tornado of emotions on the inside, but I'm always intent on making people laugh and helping others.

I dunno... sometimes I feel like this

And other times I feel like this