#introspections

            They’d seen the last of their allies off, and were headed back home. A pillar of the Balam Alliance – Oracion Seis – had been defeated, and yet it wasn’t a clean victory. A former foe, a ghost from Erza’s past had returned to aid them, and instead of being praised for it, he had been arrested by the Magic Council. Not only that, but Natsu wasn’t in peak condition, after eating Jellal’s Flames of Rebuke; certainly, he was in better shape than when he ate Etherion or Laxus’s Lightning, but he was more winded than normal, even with Wendy patching him up. And though he hid it well, Natsu was more withdrawn and lacked his usual exuberance.

            For these reasons, the team sent from Fairy Tail elected to take the “long” way home. … Or in other words, they chose not to take a carriage back, out of sympathy for the Pyro. Erza suggested that Gray and Lucy could take Wendy back to Magnolia by carriage, but no one took her up on that offer, and so they all camped outside for one more night before walking the final stretch the next day.

            “You’ve gotta stay by her side!!! For Erza’s sake!!!”

            … And understandably, out of everyone, Erza was the most restless. During the day, she mulled over how best to approach Natsu – because it needed to happen, preferably before they got back to Magnolia – and now that night had fallen… Erza wasn’t sure what to say to Natsu. She’d resolved to speak with him in the morning before everyone got up, but his words echoed in her mind, and she couldn’t sleep. So she stood vigil over friends while they rested, and she allowed her mind to reflect on everything that happened.

            Lucy told her that when she was poisoned, Natsu had been determined to save her… again… and had raced off to fetch Wendy, because the Sky Dragon Slayer’s Healing Magic had been her only hope of survival. It amazed her just how much Natsu cared about her; that had already become abundantly clear during the Tower of Heaven incident, but she also heard from Lucy that Natsu had begged Wendy to save her life, setting aside his personal feelings about Jellal’s revival for her sake.

            … Which brought her to the next point. Natsu’s uncontainable rage for Jellal. She’d only been regaining consciousness at the time, but she had heard his determination clear as day, he absolutely wanted to prevent Jellal from meeting her again. Because Jellal had brought her immense emotional pain.

            So… why? Why did she go behind Natsu’s back and confront the man herself? Why did she hide the fact she had been with Jellal, from Natsu especially, when Hibiki got in touch with all of them? Perhaps more important than all of that… why did Natsu still hold so much loyalty toward her? Why did he tell Jellal specifically that he needed to stay by her side? Lucy had expressed concerns that Natsu gave off the impression he wanted to kill Jellal, so his abrupt change in attitude troubled Erza… Especially in how he seemed to distance himself from her, no matter how cleverly disguised it was. He interacted with the others despite not having much to say, but he was especially reticent with her.

            Not for the first time, Erza wondered if she hadn’t been too harsh with him when telling him to stand down against Lahar. Granted, it was necessary to keep anyone else from being arrested, but to her recollection, she didn’t even talk to him about it afterward. She just went off to grieve. Now more than ever, she regretted putting off their talk. It pained her, seeing him closed-off like this – and she knew that she was at least partially to blame. They’d been building up a rapport between them after the Tower of Heaven and the Battle for Fairy Tail, and now that was grounded to a halt because of some questionable decisions on her part.

            ‘Hell, I didn’t even thank him for bringing Wendy back for me… For saving me. Again.’ Erza ruefully thought to herself, leaning back against a tree. She wanted to go back to how they were before this mission. To take back any mistrust she had for the Dragon Slayer. He’d done so much for her, and tried to do so much more… And for what? He’d asked for nothing in return. Everything Natsu did, he did because he cared for her. There was nothing complicated about it, and perhaps that was why it was so hard for Erza to wrap her mind around it. She was used to things being “complicated” for most of her young life, and yet Natsu’s earnest and heartfelt loyalty was straightforward. It was almost too sincere. Its “simplicity” touched her more profoundly than these lingering feelings for Jellal did or ever could.

            Even now when he ‘refused’ to talk to her, Erza doubted Natsu would truly hate or loathe her. Maybe their friendship would ‘backtrack’ a bit, but he wouldn’t… Natsu wouldn’t turn his back on her. It wasn’t in his nature. And yet… Erza didn’t even want their friendship to suffer. She liked the rapport they were building, how close they’d been getting. Erza didn’t want to give that up. She couldn’t fathom what it was going to take to patch things up with him, but she was determined to make it happen.

            And it was with this determination that Erza quietly moved over to Natsu and sat down next to him, her fingers soothingly going through his pink locks. She hadn’t been this intimate with him in a while, but it still felt very relaxing.

            “I can’t thank you enough, Natsu… for everything. I’m going to try harder for your sake, because I want to understand you. You’re very precious to me…” The scarlet knight murmured, smiling softly. Perhaps it was easy to say all this because he was asleep, but really, it was just preparation for the “real deal” tomorrow. That’s how she assured herself, even while she let out a few tears.

Small Talk vs. Big Questions: How to Build a Deep Connection With Anyone

Small talk is nice, but it's the big questions that allow us to build a deeper connection with others - whether it’s a lover or a friend.

Word Count: 746

Word Count: 1, 283

My mother said she never taught her sons that boys shouldn't cry, so she doesn't understand their emotional repression. Speaking as her daughter-son, no, she did, indeed, never tell my brothers or myself that boys shouldn't cry. She did, however, yell at us if we got upset by things she didn't think should have upset us (which, with 2/3 autistic kids, turned out to be a lot of things). And huff and say "what now?" when we displayed most non-happiness emotions. This is utterly unrelated to gender or perceived gender of the child. So we learned that happy is the one acceptable emotion and all the other ones are annoying upsetting and embarrassing and should be nobody else's business.