#internallyscreaming

A cool breeze danced along your skin as you walked along the sidewalk, in the direction of the front gates. The sun hadn’t set quite yet, so the sky was painted in various colors of oranges, pinks and purples. It was the perfect weather for mini-golf and you were excited, even if you sucked at the game. You hadn’t picked it, you probably wouldn’t have even thought of it, had Hyunjin not suggested it.

As you round the corner of the sidewalk, you see him standing by the front entrance, hands in his pockets, black hair tousled in a way that looks purposefully messy. Light blue jeans, a plain white t-shirt and beat up converse completed his look. Gods he was gorgeous. You subconsciously look down at your own outfit; black jeans, a plain seafoam green shirt and dirty white slip on Vans. Since you had come from work, you didn’t have time to change into anything else, though you wish you had the opportunity to. 

You met him through a friend at a small party and you’ve been talking ever since. Being with him felt easy, there was no awkwardness, no hesitations thus far. Hyunjin felt like a breath of fresh air, when you didn’t even know you hadn’t been inhaling bad air. So when he called and asked if you wanted to go on a date, you said yes before he could finish speaking. Which has since led to today, date number four.  

As he noticed you approaching, he started to walk in your direction, meeting you halfway on the sidewalk.

“Hi,” you smile, feeling a little nervous. Not because of the date, but because it was him and he was gorgeous.

“Hi yourself. Are you ready?” as you nod, Hyunjin walks up to the window at the front gate, purchasing your tickets. After grabbing the golf balls, clubs and score sheet, you both head off in the direction of the furthest course. It was a Saturday night, so it was fairly busy. You tried to ignore the lump building up in your throat, the anxiety over the large crowd sticky in your brain. 

“You first.” Hyunjin gestures to hole number one, watching as you place the golf ball on the ground and lightly tap it. Hyunjin drops his golf ball to the ground and you find your eyes glued to him as he goes to hit it. 

The first course goes smoothly, both of you talking, laughing, making a fun game out of it. You’re keeping score on the score sheet, but you’re not really paying attention to it. All of your attention is on him. 

By the time you get to the second course, you notice more people filtering in through the front gates. You’re having to wait longer in between each golf hole, with a noticeable amount of people in front of you and behind you. Nervously rubbing your hands along your jeans, you notice your hands are starting to sweat. Thankfully, the sun has gone down, the night is cool and there is just enough of a breeze to keep you from sweating anywhere else. 

Hyunjin runs for his golf ball, since he hit it way too hard and it bounced between the people in front of you. A small giggle tries to escape your lips, but it gets stuck in your throat. Before you know it, anxiety has woven itself into your chest and up your throat, clutching at you relentlessly. It feels similar to one of your asthma attacks, but since you don’t normally struggle with anxiety, you have no idea how to stop it. 

As you continue playing, you pull your headphones out of your pockets, sneaking an earbud into one of your ears. Putting on the loudest, grungiest song you can find, you turn it up, trying to continue playing like nothing is wrong, like there aren’t a million people all around and your world isn’t shrinking, caging you in. After completely losing your ball (you somehow hit it back into one of the tunnels it came out of?), Hyunjin magically finds another one so you can continue playing with him, but your head is spinning and your breathing is labored. 

Eventually, you realize that you’ve stopped playing. Not because you don’t want to, but the anxiety has such a cruel grip on you that you’re finding it hard to move. You sit on the small wall next to the hole Hyunjin is shooting at, waiting for him to finish hitting the ball so you can write the score down. 

“How many was that?” You ask in a small voice. It’s like your brain has completely forgotten how to function. You think he responds with “four” so you absentmindedly write that on the score sheet. 

“Hey,” suddenly Hyunjin is there, gently placing a finger under your chin, tilting your head up to see him.

“Are you ok?” his brow is furrowed, concern etched across his features. There is a loud, bright light directly behind him, bathing his silhouette with an almost angelic glow, which is the only reason you’re able to say,

“Huh? Uh yea. I’m fine.” 

He’s silent for a moment, before he breaks into a goofy grin.

“Let’s see who gets the worst score.”

The comment is so random, you can’t help but pay attention.

“What?” 

“Lets see who can do the worst!” his grin is contagious, you can’t help the small smile that forms on your lips. 

“I think you forget that I have the score sheet and I definitely disqualified myself for losing my ball.”

“That’s cheating, you at least have to put the mercy kill of eight as your score for that.” He grabs your hand, pulls you until you’re standing, then gently leads the way to the next hole. This is the first hole you’ve paid attention to for probably the last hour and it’s shaped like a weird bowl. Dropping the golf ball to the turf, you swing the golf club, hitting it just a little too hard, watching it go in then out of the bowl, before landing on the other side. 

Walking to your ball, you turn to watch Hyunjin, laughing as he does the exact same thing. After about 5 tries, he tries to cheat by kicking your ball into the bowl and you find yourself laughing. Amidst the anxiety, Hyunjin’s silly little antics worm their way into your brain, spreading through your limbs like a soft blanket. By the time you’re done with the second course, you’re grinning like a child eating candy. You’re so enamored by Hyunjin, by his silliness, his clumsiness, his dazzling smile, his infectious laugh, that your anxiety has no chance when competing with his attention. 

Hyunjin walks you to your car, stopping in front of it, turning to face you.

“Are you okay?” He asks, worry still laced through his voice. 

You nod, “I’m better.”

He nods slowly, bringing a hand up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Surprise dances across your face. 

“Um,” you start, unsure how much he wants to hear. This is all new territory for you.

“To put it simply, I’m claustrophobic. There were a lot more people than I was expecting.” 

“Got it.” His brow furrows again, like his mind is racing. 

“It’s okay though!” You quickly say holding your hands up, trying to back track. Since he had picked mini golfing, you didn’t want him to feel negatively about the experience, especially since you had enjoyed parts of it. 

He grabs your hands, softly pulling you to him, his arms suddenly embracing you in a gentle hug. Instinctively, you wrap your arms around him, gripping the back of his shirt to calm your trembling hands. 

“Talk to me next time, we’ll figure it out together,” he whispers into your ear. You lean back from him, just enough to look into his eyes, before he lightly presses a kiss to your lips. 

“Together,” you whisper, as you kiss him back.

Thank you again, @roseakatsuki, for my first request! Hope this met your expectations even a little bit!