#internalized alterhumanphobia

TW: long post / internalized therian/alterhuman phobia / Therian hate / Thoughts that aren't really away from reality

Or therian phobia (as shortcut)

I feel like a joke. My sole existence is, so I should almost never talk to anyone except if I know their answer. My feelings, all the way through identifying, coping, acknowledging and accepting i'm alterhuman was rough, mostly lonely. After the mediatic boom on spanish-America every person, every day, for sufferable two weeks, the word "therian" was in the mouth of everyone. Everyone.

Still remember exactly that day, where my crush asked me "hey and what do you think about therians?" that question, after a day of only stress and anxiety made me sick. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted, it was like, drowning in a lake pool of oil, couldn't even scream or move. Just to be like this, next to a couple of randoms chatting and doing roast meat. Just like that, I felt.

Even today, months later, even if I madurated a lot (or maybe not much) in this topic, still in these days I doubt, not only if I am one in the first place, but if this is really okay. I had been reading many points of views such as the dumby dumby, non informed therian (like treating therian as a mere conection to, and excluiding physical ones or ones with clinical lycantrope. Even, these are used to "clarify" the difference between a sane therian / mentally ill*bad therian), and specially the critical one. Ya' know, the nonbinary user who doesn't support therians but because they used to be one, because they know it can desfigurate de self image of one and destroy more their self esteem (in some cases), or complexing them more, and more.. im not sure what term or way to describe it, just "crude realistic thing of you're not special".

I thought of the same with nonbinary folks, even if i'm (technically) one, but nah. Is the most natural thing.

But what about alterhumanity in all their manners and complexity?

I feel like i'm a joke bad taken.

I feel ashamed, sad, and deeply alone in this. The younger ones are too social media, i dont know how to explain but I just dont connect with them, I guess they don't surf into the real rabbit hole that this is.

At this point i'm not sure if I should even feel proud and defend it. Homosexuality is really easy to defend, being transgender too, maybe with some nonbinary experiences it may be a little more difficult but still perfectly defendable. 'Cus its natural. As it is identifying with something non human.

But i'm unsure of how to defend it.

The perfect example I had been thinking of is the subreddit anti therian or anti alterhuman, yeah there's a bunch of users who are non sense, but others really, talk with respect, via asking n asking questions. At the end the therian/nonhuman being gets with no words.

I'm not sure if I should follow more the logical thingy, stop being like this and just continue my life. I could. But embracing my alterhumanity and weirdness makes me kinda happy and more comfortable, as more problems appears, complex and abstract ones.

I won't remember how I felt those 2 weeks. No.