I am usually very hard on myself - regretting all the things I did wrong, wishing, I've done more, better, that I was smarter and so many other things. But the truth is that I always did my best. And that isn't just a saying. I don't know why, but yesterday I suddenly felt a great amount of gratitude towards myself. I was playing in the water during an aqua fitness class and felt genuinely happy to be there. I love water, but I'm not a good swimmer. I learnt swimming only a little but, because I asked my sister to teach me, but I haven't been swimming anymore for long, long years. I was very nervous to attend the classes for the first time - not only because of the poor swimming skills, but also because of a new place and new social situation - I am extremely self-conscious and had no idea how it could look like. The first time went well, though, and I have been attending classes every week since then. Every time I go there (except from the first), I also do some swimming by myself and learn not to panick in the water. I feel like each time I feel more calm and sure just being in the water, even with my poor swimming skills.
And I am proud of myself and grateful to myself for doing things despite being terrified of them. For taking care of myself. For finding joy in the existence full of hardships and obstacles. The trust is that I've been a much better parent to myself than my parents would ever be. It is hard to be a parent and a child at the same time. I definitely had many people in my life who also supported me and helped me to learn new things, but I don't want to leave my own efforts and successes unrecognised.