Powerful Single Mom Here
Being a single mom doesn't mean we (single moms) chose this lifestyle. The lifestyle of a single mom isn't easy, whenever that time comes. It's a struggle with everyday life events and even trying to understand how I arrived here. I have so much pride as a single woman that I don't want to ask family for help or even the government. If one gets help from the government it really seems like you are looked down upon or maybe it's just my own subconscious. Either way, I am writing this article to tell my story of how a single mother can be empowered and be powerful. I am still a single mom who owns the car I wanted, the house I wanted and also the retirement setup that I needed. Just by not quitting when people underestimate you or reaching for the stars when people say it's just a dream.
What Happened?
I did not choose to be a single mom. I had two small kids when I started to notice my husband was not coming home early and didn't seem to care about family events much anymore. I don't know if he was tired of the married life, or if I just became boring.
I have heard it said that a woman leaves a marriage years after she should have but a man only leaves after he has another woman lined up. I think that was probably pretty accurate for us. Anyhow, he decided not to do the “right” thing and take care of all of us, and instead decided to move to Sweden with his new redhead. I had two kids to feed.
A Long Road
It would have been easy to get government assistance, but I did not want to go that route. First of all, I knew it would be consistently not enough to live on and we had no other support. Second, I just did not feel good about it.
It wasn't easy, but we did it on our own (mostly). By then my oldest was able to babysit, enabling me to work full time, and I also went back to college. I was more thankful for online classes that you think I was. Really, they were a godsend.
Yet my credit was in the toilet as a result of too many bills and not enough money, and the kids and I were all under a lot of stress. Listen, if it sounds not fun it was even more not fun than that.
Once, my car completely broke down. I mean, it died the death. I visited the local car dealer and literally left the lot three times before I finally got the tiny payment I could afford. It sounds unreasonable, I know, but I really could only afford $120 per month plus car insurance, and it was that or live in the car and move out of the apartment!
Digging Out
But after a few years, I graduated with honors from a really good small university in town. I got a better job and started over. As my income went up and I paid bills more consistently, my credit score went up. As soon as I could afford it, I bought a more reliable car.
I actually really like this car. It is not new but it is very nice and great on gas. It is the car I want and one that I feel is safe for my family... and my family is everything.
Shopping and Necessities - the Single Mom Way
I generally shopped at second-hand stores and yard sales for furniture and clothes; except when school started and at Christmas. The kids got new shoes and something new to wear to school every year along with their school supplies. One or two things they really wanted were always under the tree.
I tried cutting coupons but eventually switched to buying mostly store brands. They were generally cheaper than the other items with coupons and I did not have to deal with expiration dates and small print. The exception to that is the occasional open store coupon which allows $10 off $50 or something similar. I always seek those out.
Buying My House...Yay!
I hated having to sell our house after the divorce. After almost 10 years I was finally able to buy a house again. If you want to buy a home, be sure to find out about special programs. There is some terrific rent to own homes out there. If you qualify for a USDA Direct home loan, you will not believe the benefits of that program. I talked to my San Antonio real estate attorney, who gave me pointers and helped me figure out how I could buy a home again.
My bank account was still not very big, but by that time I had been making on-time payments on all of my obligations for years and my life and my credit score were healing. I bought a decent sized home in a rural town and am very happy here.
What You Really Need To Know
I learned a few things along the way. One of them is that people really want to help each other. I had to learn to say, “yes.” Many kind people were generous to our families in those days, such as the neighbor who consistently watched my kids for free so that I could attend school and work. It was a blessing but it hurt my pride a bit. However, I hope to pay it forward someday.
Set your goals. If they are unreasonable but necessary set them anyway. I got a car payment I could afford because I demanded the unreasonable due to necessity. I asked questions until I found a way to buy my house. Determination and continuing to search for answers to your problems will eventually yield the answer you seek.
Don't give up. Things may really be as terrible as they feel but the situation is transitory. Things will change. They will get better.
In the same vein, enjoy times of happiness in the midst of adversity. Make sure to read a book, or walk on the beach, or play with your kids and remember to relish those good moments. They make the other parts easier.
Years after my divorce, I am a much sturdier, more self-confident and capable woman. I am happier. Yes, I can really say that I am happier than I have ever been. My kids are grown, and I help them as much as I can. I have my house. I drive a great car. I am saving for my retirement years. Maybe I will get to see Sweden myself someday.
I did it.
You can do it too!Â
