i overheard someone at Annie's yesterday swear the well tried to kill them last night?
Wellie the Well is pure rage masked behind a sunny disposition. Luckily, @whereswellie has begun tracking Wellie’s whereabouts, so you will never be uninformed. In the meantime, here are five helpful tips and tricks to avoid an encounter with our terrifying mascot:
Don’t look it in the eye. For many hunting animals, eye contact can trigger untold aggression. Best to avoid this when dealing with giant sentient wells.
Don’t go to Lake Quad at night by yourself. Most of Wellie’s physiology suggests it is nocturnal.
Don’t feed it. We don’t want Wellie to be dependent on human food!! It could become super used to humans and want to be around us all the time!!! This is how you increase the likelihood of Wellie-human encounters.
Don’t go up to it saying “hey Wellie, can I take a picture?” when it is in the middle of its secret well rituals. Scott tried this so you don’t have to. Now Scott has a broken arm. Don’t be like Scott.
Don’t hang around the hockey team. They attract literally sooooo much negative energy that this is just good sense for all your life’s problems.
We hope this helps! Stay safe out there.
As always, we rely on insiders like yourself to keep us well informed. Hear anything juicy? See a good story? Let us know! We cannot pay freelance journalists at this time.