#inside the head

Parading small scale feelings with flags and bells to try and magnify the pieces ‘swept under the carpet’.

Giving birth to ideas that don’t have wings and throwing them off the edge of sanity.

Confidently.

the only thing that is keeping me going is the hope and dream that one day i will be able to go home. back to the world where i smiled as i awoke, back to the world where i truly love everyone in my life, back to the world that i didn't want to leave and back to the place where i didnt want to die, back to the place where i didn't hate myself, back to the place where i didn't go to bed crying, back to the place where i didnt mask my feelings and struggle in silence. i just want to go home ... is that so fucking hard ?  

i hate the fact that i put one a smile for the people who hate me. i hate the fact that i try to please everyone else and make them happy when the light inside of me is slowly dying. i hate the fact that i no longer believe in love and soulmates and that i never want or believe that i will get married. i hate the fact that my parents and people around me will say that i am selfish and rude when the only reason i am still here is because i care about them and because i don't want to put them through even half of what i have been through both mentally and physically. i hate the fact that i don't want to have kids because i don't want them to go through what i have been going through since i realised that the earth is a horrible and cruel place to be and its only getting worse. 

i wish younger me knew what was ahead of her so it didn't hurt so bad. when i was younger i always wanted to grow up and help the world like being a magical fairy or a vet. now i am barely hanging one and the people how have saved me so many fucking times don't even know it and that upsets me so damn much.   

Hey Tumblr!

I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do. I admit that I'm afraid some family member will find me or something, but I need to shout to the world.

Having someone with whom I can share things without feeling bad.

Today was a bad day, very bad. I am caught in a gigantic spiral of procrastination.

I know I need to do something, go after it to learn, but I just can't do it. I can't do it at all.

I know I have to do schoolwork, but something screams in my mind that watching random videos over the internet is so much better, and my rational part is just a whisper that pops up. Bitter feeling in the mouth.

I spent the whole year wishing with all my heart to go back to school soon, but I think I am not prepared for the pressure of studies again. I think that procrastination is actually caused by fear of doing badly in exact situations, by the stress and frustration that the feeling of helplessness of not knowing something that brings me.

Inside the head

Irregular Verses Inspired by The Delusions, Confusions and Illusions of Young Adults

The in-between stage of being young yet no longer so young is a complex phase to say the least. It is a time for more realities and less fantasies. A time of accomplishments and epic failures. A time of slowly marinated self-acceptance and self-discovery. A time overflowed with loss, confusion and liberating carelessness. This project is an homage to this fascinating transitional period and to the young adults out there who are living life and trying to make sense out of it.