#innerramblings

Feet that carries me away, running through life like ours depend on the escape route. You know that it's you, I can safely lean on.

The same voice, lulls me away from anxiety. Same lips, mouth It's okay assurances in the middle of the night. Same breath, I count and match pace to mine. Breathless, you pull me back.

I know sometimes I'm more than a handful. But I have you. Love's supposed to get us through.

With a small smile,you whispered. "You're reading so much into this"

A mother dealing with the loss of her own father.

I grieve the loss the of parents I still have.

I’m grieving the the life i’m supposed to lead

Parenting both your parents, proves to be daunting task.

When I was 21, I was thought to be wiser than my age.

I have a vision, I had a plan.

At 31, i’m grieving the future I never had.

Turns out, I had no idea what real life is.

In the middle of the night, a thought strikes me often.

Saying, “ Just run away”

But back home, i had a wide-eyed younger brother looking up to me.

We’re polaroids hanging over my bed.

Lights twinkling over vibrant smiles amidst the dim light.

We were screaming, dancing, living in the little world we have.

Long haul bus trips, endless stretch of azure water over dull-colored sand.

I could almost see the sweat dripping down our faces one afternoon in the middle of summer.

Flushed cheeks, seeking relief from seaside breeze.

One night, surrounded by bottles.

Frozen laughters with shiny eyes full of all things wild.

Careless and fearless.

Drunk on the high of being young.

Going back to the reality of this room,

Reminiscence towed a degree of sadness.

Coz we’re nothing but polaroids now,

I need a few seconds to breathe.

Don’t ask.

I feel the little cracks in my rose-colored ceiling.

It’s starting to bleed,

Pouring words in scarlet and bold ink.

Let me go.

Before all my mother’s fury

Flood and drown you.

In razor sharp waves they will cut deep and true.

And I just know where to hurt you.

Mistake my silence for anything else but weakness.

I keep my all strength inside this room.

Let it shake and settle.

Implode on me instead of unto you.

Words bears weight

And i don’t want to bear witness the consequences.

So I gulp it all down.

Acid, the truth, and my sense of self.

I am a calm storm.

Dark clouds constantly brewing.

So i’m begging, don’t tempt me.

Don’t grab and hold me in place.

Let me run away for your sake.

This is for my people. Those who’s constantly anxious and conscious that their words could demolish all that they hold dear.

My thunderclouds.

midday wonderings, how are you? Do you miss me? Got no friends here. Haven't been taking a drag from an actual stick Does menthol still gives you a head rush? Does the sunset still look the same half the world away? It doesnt feel the same here, I don't even try.

No music in the afternoon. Just taking a nap before work. Wide eyed at night for different reasons. I would close my eyes, only to go back. If gravity won't let me move, I hope this mind could fly. But it feels different. But it feels different.