Praying to God was no longer a thing, I was now begging for my life. What could have been the best experience of my life turn out to be the worst. You took that happiness from me the day you walked away. I was now left with my own thoughts, thoughts that Iāve once said Iāll never do. I do not blame you for leaving, after all I wasnāt the one that actually needed you. I took the pain and the heartbreak so that my daughter didnāt have too , and Iām not going to lie it actually almost killed me inside. You leaving me wasnāt as big of a deal, after all thereās a lot of single parents that turn out just fine. I guess Iāll just never understand how someone could just abandon a beautiful and pure baby without giving her a chance. I had asked you once if you ever wanted to meet your biological parents and you said āyes, I atleast want to know how they look likeā. How can a little boy who once felt loneliness and scared because he couldnāt call out for his mom could abandon one of his own? This was not about you loving the person that carried your child. This was about the child that was ready to be born and needed a father. Your excuse of āIām not readyā was so pathetic and so stupid of you to ever say. I guess Iāll just never understand how some can just walk away easier than others and pretend that nothing ever happened. Now I had to hear those around me telling me how one day youāll regret the actions that you did as soon as you have more kids. But please tell me why did I have to wait for you to feel regret! I allowed you to be happy and find love and just live the life you always wanted with no responsibilities at all. Yes, I did allow you because I never once told anyone what you had done or asked for any child support. At this point you had become just a sperm donor. You lived your life like no other and had another daughter. You saw her first sonagram and heard her first heartbeat. You open your heart to this pure soul giving her a chance. Now you where ready to be a āfartherā? , I guess only to one daughter. You hold her hand as she was being born to this earth and you continue holding her hand as she laid down in that NICU bed. As I continue to see how happy you where my heart broke in pieces all over again. Donāt get me wrong when I say I was hurt, this was not about you building a new family, this was about you doing exactly what you had to do as father only this time it wasnāt mine it was your other. I could remember the pain I went through as a mother when I saw my daughter lay by herself in her NICU bed. Not knowing if sheāll come back home to her mother. My daughter experience the similar birth as yours did, from the being born early to the endless nights in NICU. How ironic is it!? Was this God giving you a chance to re do what you had to go through when your first child was born, perhaps giving you a second chance like those may say. Forgive me if I hate you a little for finally picking up your āBallsā and owning up as a āfatherā atleast one of your children had to have a dad. Today I am happy to say I did not wrote this with tears in my eyes. Instead I write this with a bit of joy because if it wasnāt for you living my daughter would have never had an awesome dad like the one she has right now! Thatās right dude I did not needed you and perhaps never will. Even though I almost broke from the endless pain that looked like itāll never end I didnāt. I have to thank God for listening to me begging everyday of my life and I thank him again for my boyfriend who has helped me raise our beautiful daughter. I truly think that without them you would have won, but you didnāt. Now, youāll continue to make errors and mess up this world while I sit back and laugh receiving blessing from God. I think I will continue to hope that one day youāll remember what you did and regret the decision that you took 3 years ago , but also I want you to keep in mind that itās now late to take it back. Goodbye forever, till we never meet again.
