Intuitive, creative, mesmerizing!

Just in case you weren't already controlled by technology here it is. We present to you the new and innovative Hololens. Now you can not only be connected with the world but be brainwashed into thinking that this actually is something you need in your life to make your life more compatible with technology. How about we just take your brains out and insert a computer chip? That’ll make you one with technology. Besides, I can’t wait till you fall on your a** thinking that one of the benches you just saw was real and go to sit on it and meet your doom. Besides what are you joining Daft Punk? Or my bad, maybe you are using this to cover the bags under your eyes. It’s not like I need your eyes to make eye contact with while I’m talking to you. Besides, imagine all the other great moments you can not experience with this lovely eye covering  headgear you have. This technology is so interesting that I would like to show you some situations which make this technology seem IDEAL.

Situation 1)

You’re at the park enjoying a lovely day when all of a sudden a silly naive kid walks up to you and goes “Woah that’s so cool, can you look into the future?” Obviously you respond with a “OF COURSE I CAN” either because you want to amuse the kid, or because you all of a sudden think you’re God. So the kid asks you when he is going to become a big league baseball star and you analyze his body and tell him his BMI is way above average and with his knee caps diminishing he can never become the pro he wanted. BOOM, you can tell his future and have crushed a little boys dreams. You’re welcome.

Situation 2)

You’re taking a stroll and a lady gets her purse stolen right in front of your hololens, quick what do you do? Obviously get robbed next since you have so much money lying around to buy a 3D world and live in it, (or maybe you’re spoiled and lonely enough, no worries you’re our market’s target). But even then no worries, this new innovative technology can create a distraction such as seizure noises or barking to distract the robber and give you enough time to imagine up some water for the robber to slip on or a sink hole and BOOM he’s out of your life forever. You get some kudos and feel all macho. Good Job!

Situation 3)

It’s winter time and that’s just not your style. You don’t do cold. No worries! Your hololens will complete change your environment so you can enjoy the beach and shorts in your own front lawn while it is snowing around you! Great isn’t it? Our next biggest invention will include a holographic blanket that keeps you thinking you’re warm so you don’t get frostbite while you enjoy the GREAT outdoors with your very own Hololens. Not only will you look like the biggest idiot sitting outside in the snow wearing shorts, you will also be able to show off how much of an airhead you are with your great new toy! Be proud of what your daddy bought you.

Situation 4)

Are you bored? Do you want to play some MMORPG games? Look no further pick up the closest gun and get ready to shoot! Don’t worry there is no way you could possibly harm anyone with a Hololens. All of our holograms will block the faces of the people you shoot so that you will never realize that you shot a real person. That wasn’t Amy, it was just her hologram, she’ll be fine. OR even if she’s not, no worries, the Hololens can teach you how to perform her surgery via demo videos (remember to recalibrate to her small body size). If you perform her surgery correctly, you’ll be a hero!

Situation 5)

You just woke up and need breakfast, no worries the holograms will show up on top of your toaster so you can perfectly cook eggs on the griddle that just came up on your toaster. We’re just trying to make breakfast easier for you, after all you deserve it! OR here, we can make it better, go to the nearest McDonalds and order whatever crap they sell for breakfast since buying this Hololens made you so poor. I know what you’re thinking, this looks like crap! BUT no worries, I’ll put a hologram of the finest meal you can find over it and allow you to eat it (possible without dropping it on yourself) and imagine that it’s the real deal. Now if you can dream it, you can own a hologram of it!

Situation 6)

You’re out taking a stroll and run into an old friend. She asks you to go grab some coffee sometime and all of a sudden you don’t remember your upcoming schedule. No worries! The perfectly handy and on your face hololens will pull up your schedule so that with your hands you can move around your events and delete others. Besides your friend should keep her distance anyway from a guy with a pair of futuristic (AMAZING) technology. If she gets slapped in the face that’s her fault it’s not like you can see her behind the hololens! And no worries, no one seeing you waving your hands around in the air will think you’re blind, especially not with a big thick pair of black goggles over your face. It’s completely normal. Besides, if they don’t know that you’re wearing the best,newest,most creative technology right now, they’re so 12 minutes ago. They need to catch up. But you do you; you go glen coco!

Situation 7)

So let’s face it, your new toy has not really intrigued the women of your league, all you’ve gotten so far are gold diggers, hoes, sluts, and other derogative kind of women. Have no fear, the hololens allows you create your own companion! Now, you can install an update which will draw some of your blood sample it to see what your heart wants and will create a Female or Male who looks like your ideal. We might also snoop around in your dreams so when you dream of a perfect companion we will make you one. Also, you can take that companion everywhere with you. Feed the companion, put your arm around them, kiss them hug them love them. Equal rights for all to love were granted so you couldn’t be judged for making kissy faces at air (hey maybe if you got lucky there was an actual person sitting next to you and you made kissy with their face?).  Also, this companion can be shut off when you want, no more nagging or “Why didn’t you take the trash out?”. Enjoy your perfect companion. You’re welcome!

Situation 8)

Hey are you low on drugs and hallucinogens? No worries! Since this new technology meshes real life with pixels, if you ever want to take a trip, just think hard about energy and waves and boom your brain power can short circuit the device and send you on all kinds of colorful trips. Or rather just look up best acid trips and view them live! It’s like you’re living in a fake world. You always wanted to make your sims more realistic and now here you are, a piece of human in the Pixel world (you might even be able to peak over into Barbie’s world).  Don’t worry about being stuck in a matrix,  we can add Cortana to help you out (unless she short circuits as well then you’re screwed).

Hope you will purchase our brand new and innovative never before seen, unthought of, unheard of miraculously fabulous piece of engineering that has never before been attempted nor used. It can be used in your daily life, or if you prefer being antisocial, you can experience everything from the comfort of your very own bed. Who cares about dressing up or getting out of bed. Just skype everyone and bring the party to YOU. The party is no more out of your reach. You can have it all, show designs, watch porn, make 3D models of your ideas to impress your boss, tip over your computer monitor and much much more with this awesome ingenuitive piece of generous technology advancement. We know you’ve always wanted to act like you’re blind and still be able to see so now you can. The ingenuitive black colored dark crazy goggles look will make you seem like a very convincing drunk, blind, acid tripper. We hope we have improved your life with this awesome, ultra modern, chic, swift, foreign, uncountably divine chocolaty goodness. If you don’t understand how to use the hololens, reread the top 8 best ways to use our ingenuity filled modern fantastic reality meshing device. Please write to us if you come up with more divine uses so we can use them in our marketing strategy.

Our address is:

HaloLens Ingenuitive Design Center

12934 Microsoft LacksWindows9 St Suite 404,

BSOD, Greenland 13013

Finland.

click here for more!

(in-gehn-OO-ih-tiv)

(adj.) 1. Having or displaying ingenuity.

2. Displaying the ability to find extremely creative solutions using few resources.

Related forms

ingenuitively, adverb. ingenuity, noun. 

This needs to be a word. In just the last few months I have needed an adjective form of ingenuity at least five times, and I just don't think "ingenious" cuts it. To me, "ingenious", the current adjective form of ingenuity, is synonymous with brilliant, genius, revolutionary, etc.

But ingenuity, I think, has a much narrower connotation that involves the type of genius necessary to create anything you need out of no or very little materials. You use ingenuity to fix a car when all you have is a stick and a roll of duct tape. I think there are many "ingenious," or brilliant people who don't necessarily have that skill. (Not the skill of car-fixing, the skill of creating solutions with little to no resources).