#infpadvice

Hey guys! So I feel like this blog is getting kinda messy, so I’m going to “renovating,” so to speak, everything about this blog, so that means that the blog is in a temporary hiatus and asks are CLOSED! Don’t worry, it’ll be quite short, hopefully by the end of February.  I want your experiences with this blog to be the best!

In the meantime, check out my new MBTI blog! I’ll be posting MBTI conversations, MBTI scenarios, reblogging, doing experiments, and marking down anything interesting that I’ve observed with the MBTI types I know!

It really sounds like you’ve already did all the hard stuff! It’ll get easier everyday. But if you’re feeling a bit guilty after breaking free remember that good people will understand that, even though you got away, you have problems too even if your life is better than it was before. I’m just guessing that that could be a reason you’re having trouble letting go. 

Other than that, just keep having faith in yourself. It’s really amazing to do what you did. Stay strong. 

You mentioned that you healed those around you. Maybe now that you’re in a better life position you can seek these kinds of people out where you’re living now. And help them with the same struggles you’re going through now.

You can do this! ^_^

And congrats on what you’ve done.

HERE is a rather in-depth list of 5 things that differ between the two types. 

So if that clarifies your type for you then great! If not:

Your personality can vary over time. Some MBTI tests are more obvious (like I can take it and try to get ISTJ answers if I wanted to). So the accuracy of them can be a bit off. 

If you keep getting both, then it may very well be you are a slight mixture between the two. The one thing most people dislike about the MTBI is that it limits all humans to only 16 types! I really believe there are some that are in-between.

There’s a lot of things INFPs want in a relationship (example- 10 Things INFPs Want From The Person They’re Dating). If/when someone demonstrates these traits it certainly is possible for us to jump into things too fast.

Is this a tendency of INFPs in general?

Yes but it depends as not all INFPs are exactly the same.

“This is the type of individual that dreams of long-lasting love and finding the perfect relationship. In some cases, an INFP may be prone to seeing traits in a prospective partner or in their current partner that aren’t really there. This occurs as a result of the INFP’s tendency to live in a dreamy, fantasy-like world of their own. A mature individual can train his or her self to acknowledge this tendency and to restrain the impulses triggered by it. If not, the INFP individual may place their partner on a pedestal and overlook obvious problems in the relationship. As this type of persona is extremely loyal to and trusting of their partner, it isn’t unheard of that an individual will remain in a bad or unhealthy relationship because of the idealistic fantasy that they have created. The desire to avoid conflict may be another contributing factor for staying in a relationship that isn’t working.”1

Tendency to be really trusting-

More than anything we have a tendency to be extremely nonjudgemental and we try to find reasons behind people’s actions even if there are not hidden motivations there at all. We can argue inside our heads trying to find tons of reasons why someone would do something and create excuses that the other person doesn’t exactly deserve or are even applicable to the situation. Trust levels it seems are more dependent upon one’s life experiences . The INFP personality has some variations within it and it applies significantly to the subject of trust. That being said, people’s personality types can change over time and, essentially, the way in which someone came to be INFP can play a big role in particulars like trust levels.  Some INFPs may have grown up in a way that would encourage them to be open and others would not. INFPs, to some extent, have to adapt in a society that isn’t really built for us. So individual INFP’s may have learned to be less or more trusting, even though are natural personality encourages one over the other.

I will say for certain that in a lot of other areas we are almost all-or-nothing, so whenever we do trust someone, it will be a deep level of trust.

Always looking for some new significant other:

“Few [INFPs] engage in meaningless, one-off, or purely physical relationships because the need to connect with that special someone and to make them happy is just too strong to ignore.”1

So yes this is your personality coming through. Is this something you don’t like about yourself? I’m trying to imagine how this could be a bad thing. I imagine it could be some overly-critical INFP-ness coming through. Is there a particular reason you don’t like feeling as though you are always looking for some new significant other? You did not explicitly state that you didn’t like the feeling but it just sounds as if you don’t? (I personally think it’s great to be active versus being passive when it comes to anything that matters to you)

Develop feelings too fast:

You may feel this way if you’re also always looking for a significant other. You develop feelings fast to possibly overcompensate for lack of depth from previous attempts.

-apeycatty

Sources:

You may not have found your version of “lyrical idealist” or an “innovative artist”. You can still find your strengths and it’s easier for some than others! We are extremely self-critical and like having reassurance, without it we may never really feel at good at anything. But even so, you may not have encountered the “thing” you were meant to do. If you want to explore things along these lines (finding your life purpose, etc.) I would suggest watching some TED talks on youtube. List of my favorites at the bottom.

1. You put others above yourself, and it’s hardly ever reciprocated2. How to cut out people from your life

1. This issue is dependent on your other issue… We get happy from helping others be happy, so if this is hardly reciprocated it can be exhausting, to say the least. 2. “They do not deserve you in their lives.” -Tyler Oakley (Advice video) You cut them out through social media and then in real life just be pleasant but not an active friend. What aspect about cutting ties is it that seems hard?

Cutting ties doesn’t have to be hard. Just be somewhat cold about it. Remember how much they are deterring you from being the best version of yourself. Once you cut ties, you’ll realize just how much better off you are.

(I’ve done this and am helping my friend cut ties with the same people currently). It took me years and I only regret not doing it sooner. I kept feeling like I was doing something wrong if I didn’t want to be friends with them and that it was crazy for me to change what does and does not bother me, when really I was just growing up.

Please if any of you guys ever grow out of your friends, please realize it is okay to leave them. Tyler Oakley’s video is what inspired me to do this so I felt I had to include. Stay strong anon. It really is better to be alone than with people who do not appreciate you.

TED talks:

There’s a playlist of Talks To watch when you don’t know what to do with your life

Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address

Benjamin Zander- The transformative power of classical music

First, I can’t encourage you to try and find a way to avoid going without upsetting them because this problem is only going to happen again and again. Even if your current friends stop, your future friends will still ask you to go out with them.

Your main concerns are 1. confidence issues 2. friends think you don’t like them. In this situation it is a give and take between the two.

The long term solution is to increase your self-esteem. Is there any one friend of yours that you can maybe open up to? There’s not a ton they can do to make you feel more comfortable but that friend can assure your other friends that you don’t dislike any of them without necessarily telling them why you don’t like going out. My group of friends has had a similar friend like you and we were able to have her go out with us sometimes :). We let her have more control over where we went (sometimes dive bars were okay, and sometimes night clubs were better for her). If you do explain it to them, it really can help. Support makes a huge difference! I’m assuming that it is very difficult for you to go out and that your feelings are very strong if it has gotten to such a point that you’re friends think you don’t like them and you seem to feel as though this is one time too many for you to not go with them. Is there anything they or you can do to make yourself more comfortable? Maybe:

1. Make sure there is some way for you to leave early/when you want to. You can always have an emergency if you feel too uncomfortable.

2. Maybe google the nightclub, see if they have crazy flashing lights.

3. We all think that people are watching us and noticing us more than they are. Research shows this. :)

Lastly, if you can’t get yourself to go, don’t beat yourself up over it, incase you’d be so inclined. But know it’s something you’ll have to keep dealing with.

Besides that, I/we can brainstorm excuses if you want :P (pet is sick, food poisoning, etc.?)

If this sort of situation continues to be a problem and interferes with your social functioning, which it seems it already has, then getting professional help would be ideal.

Wish I could be of more help! Feel free to update us or clarify anything. :)

Here’s an important tip for these situations:

Understand that you can only manage and control yourself. You can’t control the other person, no matter what.  

You might already know this, but I just want to make sure.

Are these people your co-workers? If so, here are some ways that you can manage yourself in these situations:

1. Work up on your emotional intelligence. Try doing some research on emotional intelligence and how to apply it. Emotional Intelligence for Dummies is a good book to start with.

2. Minimize your interaction with them. If you have to talk to them, make it short.

3. Call them out on their bullshit, if you can. Make it respectable, but firm.  Let your opinion be known, professionally. But also, don’t make it your job to call them out.  Just call them out every now and then if you can.

4. Try to lessen your focus on them, and focus on other things.  

5. Could you talk to an administrative about this? How about the principal?

6. Don’t let your empathy and compassion interfere. Sometimes people do have a lot of shit on their plate, but that doesn’t mean that they can treat other people badly. So when you see those people, don’t always think “oh, they probably are just having a tough time” or something like that, and let it go. This will make you too soft.  

7. Talk about it to other people.  It relieves your anger. But don’t talk about it all the time, or else you’ll break advice #4.

8. Find ways to release your anger, or calm yourself down. Punch a pillow. Do meditation or yoga. Find some essential oils. Do what you like doing.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

1. Can’t connect with people:

People like to be able to figure you out fast and simply, over time it will irritate you less. You may also have the “chronic bitch-face” syndrome! Working retail has had to improve your social skills a bit and maybe it will help even more over time. Do you know anyone who is really outgoing? Maybe observe them more actively and pick up on things they do that you don’t.

2. Friends think you’re being selfish:

Long story short- it might not be all that possible. Introverts, can grasp extroverts, or less introverted people, rather well. This is typically less so with extroverts. They don’t quite “get” us losing energy from social interaction.

Have your friends ever showed up at your work because they “missed you”? A personal example of me having the same issue.

First, you can try to explain it to them. Perhaps get them to take the MBTI as well. Have them read about your personality.

Besides that, as it’s what I did, lie! I hate it but that’s why I don’t have those ^ friends anymore. But when I did I “got food poisoning” or “had to visit with my sisters” or “my phone was dead”. When all else failed, I would try and come up with a logical and true reason why I couldn’t spend time with them.

I will leave with saying I am not good with people or even the friends I have and really, really, really, cannot over-emphasize my lack of skill in any and all social interactions.

-apeycatty

Stand up for yourself. I think that’s most important. Explain your situation, about how you’re tired and stressed and all that. Make yourself clear and firm. State your boundaries, and ask for respect, but at the same time, don’t be offensive or defensive. Maybe even try to help them understand, by comparing it to something they’re familiar with. But in the end, if they don’t respect you, then you’ll have to break it off.

Now, is it ok if I talk about your connection issues?

Do you actively try to connect with people? Or do you just stay at home or something and think that you can’t connect with people? Do you think you’re bad at connecting with people because of the times where you were interested in someone, but they weren’t interested in you? Do you blame yourself for that?If so, then I think you might be stuck too much in the past. You have to let go and restart. Also, having a connection is not that simple. Connection is a two-way street. It involves you and the other person. You can’t force the other person to be interested in you, it’s up to them to determine their interest in you. It also involves time, place, setting, and all of that other jazz. You have to understand that it’s not always your fault.  There are so many factors in creating a connection. You’re not the only one. However, you are still a factor, and that means that if you’re not responsive, or if you don’t even try, then there won’t be a result.  You just have to try and try again. Let people know you a bit more. Continue having an interest in other people. Try to show that you’re interested in them through genuine compliments, attention, and so on. It’s tiring, and it also may not really make you feel “special” and “important” while doing it (because INFPs tend to want to feel “original” and “special”), but if you want to connect with people, you’ll have to do that.

If you ever feel lonely, want to talk about something, want more socializing tips, or want to have a friend, please don’t hesitate to talk with me on my main tumblr blog!