fragments of us - part one
pairing : christian pulisic x reader
summary: “you think okay i get it,i’m prepared for the worst, but you hold out that small hope, see, and that’s what fucks you up. that’s what kills you.”
warnings: mentions of infertility
author: i already have ideas on how to continue this series so if you liked this one and want more parts let me know! any feedback is appreciated and thank u for reading, i hope u will like it <3
We had a lot of dreams in place. Reflecting on it now, we took for granted the control we had. Unfortunately,we didn’t even think that some things were out of our control.
Two years ago, when we sat on your porch discussing our future,we thought we had all the time and possibilities in the world. In the beginning,you were hesitant to mention one specific dream of yours.
Then one night,you were stroking my hair and I surrendered to your soft touch,my eyes were getting heavier by your every touch. My eyes were closed,but I was still awake because I wanted to savour every moment.
Your soothing voice made it really hard to not drift off. I immersed myself into every story you told me.Particularly the ones that included me,that included us,even though I already knew where was story going. At least from my perspective.Our perspectives weren’t different. At the time, we rarely fought.
Your stories gave me insight into the world through your eyes.Insight into how you’ve seen me and your actions aligned with your words and, how could I ever ask for anything more?
That night when you thought I was asleep,you confessed something you were afraid of when I was awake.You always wanted to have “Christian Jr”. It took everything in me to not laugh at your confession. I still remember how flastered you were when I told you I wasn’t asleep. At first,you thought I pretended I didn’t hear you because that’s not a dream we shared.
A feeling of relief washed over you when I showed you my list of names I loved because who doesn’t have one?
Today is the day we didn’t see coming. But yet, I think we both have seen it coming. For all the foresight I had and the fears we quietly admitted to,the doctor’s words hit me like a ton of bricks.
They made our worst fear official. Lists of baby names won’t ever be used. There is never going to be mini you or mini me. I hope and I pray that someday, our dreams will be realised. That we will find our promised land and taste the sweetness of milk and honey. Until that day,can we promise to love each other as we have been loved?
