#inevitableend

Yesterday I went to the local nursing home. It was through the school, a kinda program that we get to do for half a term, a sort of 'study break' from QCS study. Of course not everyone has to go to the nursing home there are numerous choices from sport to community service to certificate courses such as RSA or first aid. Anyway since this is my last year of school I thought I would like to do something worthwhile, something that would give me a different perspective on life, so I signed up for the nursing home. We went for the first time mid-way through yesterday. I have to say I did not enjoy it. I'm not sure why but the whole place freaked me out. Maybe it's because we were looking our inevitable fate straight in the eyes, or maybe it was the fact that these people starring blankly at the walls being spoon fed by hurrying nurses were once strong healthy people. They had careers, they fell in love, they fell out of love, they suffered hardships and joys and they had seen so so much more then I could ever dream of. They were once opinionated and debated and fought for what believed. Yet now they couldn't even feed themselves. It made me wander, just because they can't control their body does that mean they can't control their minds? Do they know what's happening or are they lost in their own thoughts? Do they see the way the nurses look at them? Like just another job? Do they realise how much of their identity they have lost? I know I should be happy, these people led happy and fulfilled lives but I couldn't help thinking; are they living everyday praying that today will be the day it finally ends? Are their minds whole enough to even know what death is anymore?

Sometimes, following your heart means losing your mind.